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But the biography is not a bad book, as it was well written and drew some interesting conclusions. I guess she was attempting to say something new, and to the extent it will encourage a reader to go out and read McCuller's catalog, it serves its purpose.
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Women blame themselves first. They felt the problem was their responsibility to fix. And they all felt they had the power to change their husbands. Some of their stories were striking:
He'd say, "Don't touch me; get away from me." We on sleeping in the same bed. There were times when I would reach for him and he would kick my legs hard. I just accepted what he did. I think I felt I didn't deserve better.
I fell nobody gets a free ride in life. We don't have everything we want, and if sex is what we lose in order for him to stay healthy a few more years, my God, it's a small price to pay.
Adjusting to a new city, my husband gone a lot, plus the illness of my daughter, overwhelmed me to the point where having sex was the last thing I wanted to do.
There are numerous reasons why a marriage may be come sexless. Illness is one. Certain surgeries or medications make sex difficult. However there are other marriages in which half the time the husband calls it quits and the wife is left without a reason.
Avna and Waltz's interviewees listed a wide range of reasons why sex ended:
1. Mismatched sex drives, one partner having a higher or lower drive than the other, also known as desire discrepancy disorder (DDD). 2. Infidelity, once or repeated times 3. Emotional, verbal or physical abuse 4. Illness, whether physical or mental. 5. Celibacy freely chosen as a means toward spiritual growth 6. Loss of respect for a spouse 7. Same-sex preference acknowledged 8. Inhibited sexual desire (ISD), loss of interest in sex due to life change or crisis 9. Fear of intimacy 10. Low sex drive shared by both partners
When celibacy is not the choice of the wife she mourns the loss of a meaningful part of her life. The often go through a period of overwhelming emotions that puzzles and frightens them. At times they rage with anger, cry in despair, or so depressed they feel themselves just crawling through life without the energy for normal activites.
These are the normal stages of grief that Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced to society in the 1970's. She identified the five stages of grieving as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The lose of sex in your life is akin to the loss of a vital part of yourself.
Celibate Wives does offer solutions to the problems. How to work on your sex life. When to decide to leave. What to do if you decide to stay.
The most important part is to break away from denial and face that the problem exists. Women are sexual beings. They have a right to feel as they do.
Finding a friendly forum in which to share your feelings may help some women. Your local church, community center, women's center, or YWCA might be willing to start a celibate wives self help group. Talking and offering support is very important to a woman in a celibate marriage. Reading Celibate Wives, by Ana and Waltz is a place to start.
The book shows women where they can turn for help, and helps bring you to point where you feel comfortable making a decision about your marriage.
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It is well-organized with two tables of contents so that you can search by establishment or by course type.
My favorites include: Easy Garlic & Feta Cheese Appetizer, Chicken & Blueberry Pasta, Breakfast Apple Pie and for the most outstanding appetizer at a dinner party try the Cranberry Glazed Brie.
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To its credit, the book does give a clear explanation of script theory (over and over again), and it does tackle many relevant and crucial issues in family functioning and family therapy. I hope that they reorganize it when the next edition comes out; they could end up with an excellent text. As it stands, I skipped major portions to avoid its sedative effects.
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Will Bennett, St. Petersburg, FL.
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Future of white men deals with how we all need to come toghether to build a more cohesive society to address our problems and move foreword. The author deals with issues such as diversity questions that people have like when to refer to people's ethnic background and if religous displays at places like work are acceptable or not. It also deals with how to be an ally to groups that need to be represented and the types of names that we need to address differnt groups by.
Three of my favourite writers are in this five-author anthology, which might have contributed to my enjoyment - but then Putney and Layton's novellas are not set in eighteenth- or nineteenth-century England, which is the setting I'm used to from them.
There is something of a theme to the collection, in that four out of five stories concern men who are or who appear to be rogues, and who reform right under the heroine's nose. MJP's contribution, set in Texas a hundred or so years ago, sees a condemned man being taken to hang for murder. Along the way, a young woman - who, it turns out, might have good reason to hate him - takes pity on him and they spend one unforgettable night together. But he's condemned to die, so how can they have a future?
Joan Wolf, an author I've never encountered before, sets her story, The Antagonists, in Regency England; the hero and heroine are cousins who grew up together. I would normally have wanted much more to this story, but Wolf uses an interesting technique. The story is told in first person, from the heroine's POV. And since Dinah starts off by telling us how spoilt and nasty her cousin Thorn (the Earl of Thornton) is, we're led off on quite a misleading track. (Although Dinah does reveal that she has a tendency to exaggerate!)
Layton's contribution, Buried Treasure, was the disappointment in this collection for me. A pirate narrowly survives a murder attempt and recovers in the house of a beautiful young woman whose seduction he plots. Unfortunately, for reasons related to both his behaviour towards her and to his fellow pirates, I couldn't come to like Dancer at all, and wouldn't want to re-read this novella.
Next was Patricia Rice, also new to me; her tale, Fathers and Daughters, covers the well-worn subject-matter of an impoverished suitor who was turned away by the heroine's father. Carolyn also believes that Jack accepted money from her father to walk away from her. Now that he's back, can he possibly convince her that he wasn't only interested in her money, and that he wasn't paid to reject her?
Finally, Mary Balogh's Precious Rogue. This is a lovely story, told with Balogh's great skill; Patricia, the poor relation who is effectively her aunt's slave, has no great opinion of her cousin's suitor, Mr Bancroft. After all, the man is an unprincipled rake, and - although no-one else seems to notice - during Patricia's aunt's house party Bancroft conducts clandestine affairs with at least three women. But what Patricia can't ignore is the fact that he is *nice* to her. And she enjoys their verbal fencing... too much for her own good. After all, he's going to marry her cousin...
This one is certainly worth a look.