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There were many reasons for this, but fundamentally it was that marriage counseling rarely works. (About thirty-five to forty percent of the time, and half of those relapse, according to the best research.) I had made a vow when I went into training that I would never take on patients that I did not honestly believe I could help. (I can't say that I kept that vow sterling, being human--but I tried.) Most couples, I believed, could not be helped, so I didn't want to take their money or waste their time.
In hard, cold truth, most of what most marriage counselors teach is just made up. Concocted. Without any sound research base. That's just a fact. When I was in training, I was utterly shocked at this. I was appalled at the simple-minded dogmatism of marriage-counseling orthodoxy.
Most mental health care has a flimsier basis in research than its proponents admit (or even know, often), but in marriage counseling, the paucity of good research was almost total. (This evaluation of the low scientific basis of mental health care is not some private crackpot theory of mine; I wrote it up in my book "Cultures of Healing," which was published by the book-publishing arm of Scientific American in 1995 and will be republished, under a different title--"Health and Suffering in America: The Context and Content of Mental Health Care"--next year by Transaction Publishers/Rutgers. My point here is not to plug my book so much as to tell you that I know whereof I speak, and to encourage you to take my recommendation here seriously.)
If I had known John Gottman's work back then, I would have had an entirely different approach to treating couples, and I would have taken more of them on. (No one in my three years of training ever mentioned Gottman, and I went to a pretty respectable institute. Gottman is just so at odds with conventional wisdom in the field that he wasn't even taken seriously.)
Gottman's opinions--though he denies that they are opinions--are based on admirable, extensive, carefully analyzed research. While there is much to criticize methodologically about this research, and it certainly is nowhere near as conclusive as he says, at least he has done real work--not sat around making stuff up and pawning it off on students and patients. His is the best research of which I (now, many years later) know. Even if it isn't knock-down-drag-out conclusive, it is much better to have opinions based on extensive research and attempts to understand it rigorously than on no research, wild speculation, wishful thinking, and wooly feelings. Gotttman's opinions are very good, for the most part.
This book does a nice job of conveying the gist of his work, in clear, practical form.
In my experience, most marriage counselors do more harm than good and teach more made-up nonsense that practical wisdom. So unless you can find someone who trained with Gottman, I'd say DON'T go to a marriage counselor--buy this book.
If you ARE seeing a marriage counselor, read this book and discuss with your counselor where his or her views differ. Ask for the basis for what your counselor does differently. Maybe it will make sense. But if your counselor is not open to the possibility of modifying his or her approach based on what you find valuable here, at least for your therapy, fire him. Or her. Whatever. Just run.
Why only four stars? Two reasons: (1) Gottman does not allow that for some significant minority, the difficluties in marriage are much more complex and intractable. E.g., while he is right that ordinary neuroses themselves do not kill marriage--so long as you marry someone whose neuroses match up with yours, or who can tolerate yours--it is certainly the case that some mental illnesses, such as paranoia and borderline personality, make marriage extremely hard. (2) A little humility on Gottman's part would make this book much easier to read and leave more room for the intelligent, wise reader to disagree, modify, and make it his or her own. Gottman is much too taken with himself, and while his research is more extensive and careful than most anything else done in the field, marriage counseling ain't physics (or biology or even sociology), and it certainly should not be granted the authority Gottman claims for it.
This isn't the final word on marriage, but it is about the best of the overly-many words that have heretofore been uttered.
However, I do have concerns that the author denigrates marriage counseling so often. I agree with him that communication is not always the key to successful relationships, but a good therapist will help the couple to use good communication while also creating a better relationship based on these principles. John Gottman conducts very important research into marriage relationships, and understanding the principles of a strong marriage is important. However, if the average couple were to take this book as a "to-do" list, it would not necessarily create a good marriage. These principles need to have belief and passion supporting them, the principles alone are not enough.
I highly recommend this book as a resource for integrating with other relationship resources.
He is to be considered as THE leading marital psychologist and far outranks other authors, e.g. John Gray, by his meticulously applying research methods to relationships. This is the hallmark of the book: the advice given is rooted in his more than 30 years of clinical research about marriage problems. And: it clearly helps!
The book is fun to read as it combines practical advice with highly interesting exercises which you can either do on your own or with your partner. Real life examples supplement and clarify the basic principles.
One of the very few psychologists who can explain their findings in everyday language! I can also recommend his other books, e.g. the heart of parenting
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One of our leading thinkers on the practice and study of management, Drucker has sought out, identified, and examined the most important issues confronting managers, from corporate strategy to management style to social change. Through his unique lens, this volume gives us the rare opportunity to trace the evolution of the great shifts in our workplaces, and to understand more clearly the role of managers in the ongoing effort to balance change with continuity.
Now, these important articles and essays are strategically presented here to address two unifying themes: the first examines "The Manager's Responsibilities" while the second investigates "The Executive's World". Accompanied by an interview with Peter Drucker on "The Post-Capitalist Executive", as well as a thought-provoking preface by Peter Drucker himself, a complete picture of management theory and practice emerges, both as it was and as it will be.
Infused with a perspective that holds new relevance today, these essays represent Drucker at his best: direct, wise and challenging. Peter Drucker on the Profession of Management, sure to be studied, debated, and enjoyed by everyone concerned with management, everyone concerned with management, is a timely offering from one of the most respected and prolific authors to appear in the Harvard Business Review.
At 90, Peter Drucker is, by all accounts, the most enduring management thinker of our time. Born in Vienna, educated in Austria and England, he has worked since 1937 in the United States, first as an economist for a group of British banks and insurance companies, and later as a management consultant to several leading companies. Drucker has since had a distinguished career as a teacher, including more than twenty years as Professor of Management at the Graduate Business School of New York University. Since 1971 he has been Marie Rankin Clarke Professor of Social Science and Management at the Peter F. Drucker Graduate School of Management, Claremont Graduate University in California, where he still teaches in the fields of management and business policy. He is the founder of The Peter F. Drucker Foundation for Nonprofit Management, and has counseled numerous governments, public service institutions, and major corporations.
Drucker is a writer, teacher, and consultant with a long-term business perspective second to none. His twenty-nine previous books have been published in more than twenty languages and span sixty years of modern history beginning with The End of Economic Man (1939) and Managing in a Time of Great Change; Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices; Innovation and Entrepreneurship; The Effective Executive; Managing for Results and The Practice of Management. Nan Stone is the editor of the Harvard Business Review.
Reviewed by Azlan Adnan, Managing Partner of Azlan & Koh Knowledge and Professional Management Group, an education and management consulting practice based in Kota Kinabalu. Azlan has a MA in International Business and Management from the University of Westminster.
The theory of business is what Drucker, defines as "what a company gets paid for." Drucker states when big companies get in trouble they blame "complacency, arrogance, mammoth bureacracies", as a plausible explanations. However, the problem's root causes are rarely identified and the prevously stated explanations are rarely right. Most companies fail, to perform well, at what they get paid for.
Drucker defines the parts of the business environment, as: environment (society and its structure and the market), mission (customer ), (core competencies) and technology. Why is this important? The assumptions about environment, mission, and core competencies must fit together. Drucker drives home the point by contrasting the sucess of non-profit organizations with profit organizations, stating we can learn from the success of non-profit organizations, namely: well define mission, lack of deep management hierarchy, individual responsiblity, a deep understand of individual roles and purposes, and cohension between expectations and results. Secondly, the theory of business must be known and understood through out the business. Drucker stresses the importance of learning from the non-customer. And Lastly, the theory of business must be tested constantly.
The Effective Decision process involves the follow sequence of steps: 1. Classify the problem 2. Define the problem 3. Specify the answer to the problem 4. Decide what is right rather than what is acceptable 5. Build into the decision the action to carry it out 6. and test the validity and effectiviness of the decision against the actual course of events. This is an high level sketch outlining a model for effective decision.
Drucker provides two methods, to help make, people decisions. The two creative approaches are: determine if the right people has right qualifications, perceptions, and talents; and make sure the individual understands the job. The first approaches advocates careful selection of the individual, by determining, how well the candidate fits the job assignment. The second approach measures the new manager's understanding of the job. The process requests, the new manager to write on paper, what they think will make them sucessful, in their job. Senior management reads the paper to determine, if the manager has grasped an understanding, of the job, and revalidates their decison about the individual being the right person, for the job.
The discipline of innovation encourages managers to separate the reasons for successful management, into two groups: systematic and non-systematic innovation. Both systematic and Non-systematic opportunies exist within an company or industry because of unexpected occurences, incongruties, process needs, and industry and market changes. Systematic innovation begins by analyizing the sources of opportunity. Innovation is perceptual and conceptual by definition and innovators must go out look, ask, and listen. Effective innovations start small. Small Innovations can lead to large implementations. Without innovation the company will go out of business. Innovation keeps a company competitive in the market and capable of meeting customer needs.
Technology has created a great diversity of information. In order for a manager, to be effective, managers need to identify the information they need to effective perform their jobs.
The world is moving to a society of organizations. Companies are moving to global economies of scale. People interact with various organizations to achieve results. Because of this new organization theory, outsourcing is preferred when no direct management hierarchy exists to a Vice President. Outsourcing provides high skill specialist, management, and senior management. Companies are achieving better results organizationally by outsourcing business process where possible.
Management is responsible for creating the knowledge worker. Historically, significant increasing in productivity were the result of a management core build established. Management is responsible for building the skilled worker. Organizations are made up of individuals, who have a high degree of technical skill and knowledge. Information must be convert into knowledge and manager's communication ability dictates the level of effectiviness in using the skilled worker's knowledge. Organizations represent a network of specialists, rather than a strong command and control heirarchy. However, technology of itself does not increase productivity.
How do managers increase productivity? Managers increase productive by helping the knowledge worker to work smarter - not harder. Management creates the knowledge worker by empower them with specialized skills and knowledge. Productivity gaps are closed through training. Management must decide who gets trained. Training the right people increase the worker's capability, compensation, and productivity. Performance can only be achieved by the worker working smarter not harder. Only ten percent of the work is effectively and producing ninety percent of the productivity and profit. Thus, over ninety percent of the work is ineffective. It is management's responsibility to reduce this inefficiency. Drucker will later introduce his activity oriented decision model to help managers reduce the amount of inefficiency.
Managers are responsible for creating and maintaining their carreer path. Receiving a higher education degree and employment, in a large company does not guarentee retirement, with the company. Managers are responsible for designing and maintaining their career. Fragmentation of purpose and thought must be overcome to reduce confusion and losses. Knowledge workers must learn how to produce. This requires the knowledge work to remain current, with changes, in the business environment. Their contribution in large part depends on the knowledge workers ability to adapt and learn smarter ways to produce.
Activity Oriented Decision model prevents loses and failures. Activity Oriented decisions combine value analysis, risk analysis, quality analysis, and process analysis, into one. Decisions resulting from managers who follow the activity oriented decision model don't risk losing capital. The combination of the various information sources, associated with the activity oriented decision helps the manager understand the potential value of the venture, the potential value, the risks of failure, and the cost of modifying or implement new processes, and the long term affects on quality in the organization.
The activity oriented decision model is a conceptually definition and the practical discipline proposed exciting possiblities. Activies are analyzed, defined, and sequenced. Resources are allocated to the activity. The activity outcomes are measured to determine, if they are meeting requirements. Managers weight the risks by asking "what are the benefits of the activity?","What are the fallout impacts for failure to implement the activity?", and "what are the impacts to the organization long term by implementing the activity?"
Analysis of the process, results in time and budget allocation estimates. Schedules provide time lines and sequences linked to a resources. Managers must coordination various organizations to gain access to a resource. A resource represents a individual in a specialize field of knowledge. Communication and coordination are necessary to effectively manage various resources, so each individual understands, what is expected and what to produce. Budgets and time provide the boundary of the activity problem. Its possible to have a budget or schedule which exceeds the boundary of the problem, making the activity unfeasible. To avoid this problem, the manager must provide clear objectives to be developed and maintained. The objectives scope must stay within a predefined problem boundary.
In the preface Drucker shows why he has become so famous. He shows his strength of recognising trends and how these trends will affect business, people, and society. This preface is followed by a short introduction from the editor.
The book consists of two Parts, The Manager's Responsibilities and The Executive's World, with each consisting of 6 Harvard Business Review-articles (out of 32 articles and growing). The book also includes an interesting preface, an introduction by Harvard Business Review-editor Nan Stone, and an interview with Peter Drucker.
In Part I - The Manager's Responsibilities, the articles discuss the managerial responsibilities of the manager, although Drucker prefers the term "executive". The articles discuss general management such as the decision-making process, effective management, strategic management, and innovation.
Part II - The Executive's World, Drucker discusses the history of management, the transformation from the traditional command-and-control model to knowledge-based organizations, information technology, and non-profit management.
The book concludes with an interview with Peter Drucker, which is based on his 1995-book 'Post-Capitalist Society'.
The book deserves the five-star rating since each article is fantastic. Perhaps some of them overlap, but it is amazing that some of the articles written in the 1960s are still very valid today. Drucker's writing style is simple US-English.
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Here is but a single stunning example, from p.109: "Several survivors said the one thing they will never forget about the circus fire as long as they live is the sound of the animals as they burned alive. But there were no animals." How much more effective that is, as prose, than the alternative method of saying the same thing.
Stories of individual selfishness and total selflessness abound, as they do in an accurate account of any great tragedy. The author does not omit either, so that the reader comes away with a feel for what it must have been like that hot July afternoon in Hartford, one month after D-Day.
I had misgivings about how well this could be told, before I read the book. Not now. I'd recommend this to any circus fan, to anyone who wants to read something really well written and thoroughly researched.
My only criticism is that the photos, many taken by amateurs, to be sure, are not well produced. I like the fact that they are on the pages where they fit, but in doing this on regular paper, details and drams are lost.
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In sum - if you are new to the world of thoroughbreds and racing this is the book to start with. By the time you are through, you will appreciate the history and understand the passion and love of thoroughbreds.
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thats all i gotaa say about that
The journey illuminated by Golden Wizdom Beyond the Emerald City "...will take you back to the wholeness of yourself. You will be reawakened to the wisdom of your mind, the wisdom of your heart, the wisdom of your body, and the wisdom of your spirit. You will remember how to honor the vastness of who you are", writes Ms. Kimsey.
We learn, as Dorothy did, how to find reality via our own yellow brick road. Like Toto, we learn to love unconditionally. Scarecrow teaches us discovery and acceptance of self. And the Tin Man shows us how to utilize the wisdom in our hearts instead of a heavy-handed ax.
Golden Wizdom Beyond the Emerald City uses the Cowardly Lion character to teach us how to return to the true self we were meant to be. And the witches show us that hocus-pocus is no substitute for truth. But most of all, Ilene Kimsey enables us to be the Wizard, not great and powerful, controlling and deceitful---but compassionate, loving, courageous and empowered.
If you've ever asked yourself, "Who am I?" or "Why am I here?" or "What is my truth?", this reviewer heartily recommends you read Golden Wizdom Beyond the Emerald City. Ilene Kimsey has paved the way to self-mastery!
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In the end A Prayer for the Dying is all about decisions and how some choices are less choices than obligations. What O'Nan allows us to discover through Jake Hansen is that our goodness is sometimes contingent on circumstances (something most of us don't like to admit -- if we even bother to think about it in the first place).
Tremendous.