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unique ways of using both music and sound to help children conquer these life events are exemplary. Later in the book he shares a large number of witty exercises and techniques to get children involved in areas such as helping with household chores, building "sound" relationships with their elders and peers, and using a wide spectrum of musical styles (classical as well as pop, jazz, new age, children's, world beat, country & western and many others) for spicing up family time be it the home, the playroom, or the road. His list of resources, including family oriented music, books, parenting organizations, and even internet sites is the most comprehensive I've seen in any parenting book. I recommend this book very highly to both parents and educators.
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Thanks for reading! Take the stand. Be there for your kids.
Gottman is definitely not one of them. He is known as one of the leading psychologists in the area of family and marriage psychology. This book presents the essence of his research findings about raising emotionally intelligent children.
His advise is surprisingly easy and is based on a 5 step model:
1. Be aware of your child's emotion
2. See your child's emotions as an opportunity to be close together
3. Actively listen to your child and validate the feelings
4. Help your child to verbalize his feelings
5. Help your child solve problems, while setting clear limits
Gottman clearly explains how you can implement this 5-step-model in daily life and what to do when problems arise. His real life examples make reading really fun.
All in all, an excellent parenting book! As a supplement, I can also recommend the book by M. Seligman: "The optimistic child"
Told strictly as the minutes of a state congressional hearing, this book details the events that follow when Mr. Wissy Jones, from United Lymphomiloid, arrives in the town of Peqoud and presents an offer to outright purchase an exceptional child, Barry Rudd, who is blessed with an extreme intelligence and a maturity beyond his years, for some unspecified project that will 'aid the national defense'.
As we proceed through the hearings, we are treated to some fine characterization of the witnesses, from the sharply opinionated and articulate principal of the school Barry attends to Barry's mumbling, street-wise but not too intelligent blue-collar friend. But the hearings also expose the first of Hersey's sharply satirical looks at our society as we see the conduct of the various senators running the hearing, obviously meant to remind the reader of the McCarthy hearings, with their forcible cutting off of any testimony that does not fit the pre-defined expectation of what the outcome of the hearing should be, denigration of witnesses' lifestyles, and panel members who clearly do not have the intelligence to even understand what testimony is given.
More horrifying, though, is the picture of the educational system presented, from the ivory-tower intellectual theories that have no relation to the classroom, to the constant attempts to make all students fit one pre-determined mold, to the administrative power struggles, to the bizarre web of psychological testing, to the clueless PTA, to the rigid and hypocritical moral code that schools use to bludgeon non-conforming students. Where in this morass is the place for the truly gifted child, or for that matter one who is intellectually challenged? Hersey's points strike like daggers, for even though this book was written more than forty years ago, our schools still have every problem that is shown here.
And what of the moral outrage that should adhere to the concept of selling a child? Once more, Hersey's pen is savage, showing how easily Barry's parents sell out for a few material goods, how the senators are converted by the mere statement that it's for the 'national defense', how the general township is so easily convinced to get rid of this 'different' kid, and, most poignantly, how even Barry, with full knowledge of what the program entails, reacts to the concept.
A very moralistic tale, told sharply and with defining moments of humanity, bringing a near surrealistic concept into the all-too-possible realm of reality.
Meanwhile, Jones skillfully garners support from every quarter in Pequod, from the pioneer-stock, six foot female principal of the elementary school and Barry's closest ally, to his own mother, a slatternly lower class housekeeper who's obviously the source of Barry's brains. Everyone has an opinion about Barry, usually not too good, ranging from jealousy, misunderstanding to just plain contempt (he's fat.) Meanwhile Barry and his street-wise blue collar friend seek to prevent his sale by a hilarious act of sexual misconduct.
What happens to the children purchased by U. Lymphomiloid is openly discussed by Wissy Jones during the trial. Yet despite the shocking revelation, Jones has manipulated the town to his side and even co-opts some surprising allies.
This isn't just an examination of an education system that strives to produce a bland mediocrity and mistrusts talent, it is the story of the intolerance of society for individuals and members of minority religions, race, anyone different than the mass average. There is a lot behind this readable book and it is fresher than every.
The Child Buyer is sketching the discrimination of people with extreem high IQ (HIQ's), something that isn't even an issue in real life (yet). Mediocracy rules the world.
The Child Buyer is a heart wrenching, but at times also hilarious, description of the trial in which must be decided if a HIQ young boy should be sold or not to a company, because that would be good for national security, even though the boy refuses to be merchandise. The book shows how the people of a small village abandon the boy in his lonely struggle, partly because they see him as uncomfortably different, partly because they think it's for his own good to be separated from the rest, and partly because it turns out to be in their own best financial interest if the cooperate...
Hersey has structured his book around the trial. It contains only the dialogue, that is recorded in the courtroom. This may seem odd in the beginning, and perhaps slowing things down a little when all the characters are introduced, but the author succeeds very well in showing the diffence in characters. And in exhibiting the gross stupidity of some of them, as well as the way people choose for there own wellfare, above anything else.
This book was way ahead of it's time, when it was published in 1960, and - unfortunatly - it still is.
I can highly recommend it.
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I like this book so much because the authors worked hard at giving a thorough and unbiased look at the juvenile justice system and the kids stuck in that system. Of course, remaining completely unbiased is impossible; however, they tried to give a variety of points of view. They also tried to keep from vilifying any one group (parents, children, social workers, judges, police, the community, and so on), while still indicating the complexity of the problem. Case-studies were carefully chosen not to be sensational, but rather to exemplify the typical issues dealt with by kids in the justice system. Finally, they interspersed the information from the case studies with general information about the law, the way such cases are usually handled, and so on, then applied this new information that they had given back to the case study. This made it possible to learn a great deal about the system in general, while keeping it interesting because you could see the immediate application to one particular kid that you had learned about. This added to the book's general readability. All in all, this book is an excellent, well-written book that has the possibility of moving us a long way towards an understanding of these complex issues.
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By John Holt
5 stars
Holt didn't have children of his own, and his first opinions of children and learning came from being a schoolteacher in an elite private school, where he taught math to 5th graders. He was exposed to younger children and babies who were friends and relatives, and began forming different opinions about learning, which he shares in this book. Holt is fascinated by the notion that children accomplish so much before formal schooling begins and realizes that the way school is set up goes directly in opposition to what is natural and has worked for these children up to the point they are sent off to school.
The beginning of the book covers the age ranges from birth up through age 3 to 5, that is, before children go to school. Holt talks about a certain type of important learning that takes place up until the time a child enrolls in school at which point the experience of schooling changes their personality. The book starts off with how children succeed in learning many important things and huge feats such as speaking and with proper grammar and pronunciation and walking without formal schooling and that children accomplish much learning without an adult being the facilitator of it. In general the style of writing is that Holt describes a situation and then gives his opinions of the learning experience. Sometimes Holt does little experiments such as introducing a toy or a non-toy (such as a typewriter) to young children to see how they react to it and what they do with it. Holt observes with delight and amazement, these young children who are friends and relatives (they are not his students or participants in a research projects). It is clear that Holt enjoys these young children and he respects them and relishes the time he spends with them.
This revised edition makes clear which text is original then what was added-which is new perspective as he had spent more time around children and his theories matured and changed a bit. Seeing the two perspectives clearly was very interesting and educational.
Regarding the discussions about babies and toddlers there are good observations here and I appreciate them. As a stay at home parent, I have already witnessed much of this (and more) and for some of the chapters I felt I wasn't learning anything I hadn't already witnessed with my own two eyes. However, readers who are childless will definitely learn much about how learning happens from infancy and up. I highly recommend that anyone interested in going into the profession of teaching read this book, or any current teacher who is childless. Holt gives the children much-deserved respect for their innate ability to learn and figure out the world around them.
Later chapters get more analytical as Holt integrates his own observation of schooled children (about grade 5 and below) and compares and contrasts with other educators, scientists and child psychologists. (It doesn't seem to me that Holt is analyzing preteens or teenagers.) Here is where Holt exercises his ability to write clearly and concisely drive home his point in a convincing manner.
Again and again Holt shows how a child to is forced to "learn" things (such as in public and most private schools) is actually having their personality changed in the process. The act of being forced to do things and to prove oneself over and over via testing and not being trusted by adults changes their personality. Holt feels the schooling procedures have negative consequences on all children; albeit some children are more negatively affected than others. The child can develop anxiety, mistrust, and fear of all adults not to mention self-esteem problems or just killing their curiosity or interest in learning.
Great quotes from other books on education and learning are included here with Holt's reactions. A short list of books on school reform is included. The summary alone is almost worth the price of the book.
For more specific information about what goes on in school and how children learn to play the school game and how forced teaching is not always effective, read Holt's "How Children Fail".
This would make a great gift for expectant parents, I feel it would point out to them that babies deserve a lot of respect for being able to figure out the world around them. This notion of being in awe of and respectful of children starting at birth is seldom written about...so many of us were under the misguided notion that an adult must be the one to force learning onto babies and children (me included until I birthed my babies and saw firsthand how smart they are).
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re-habs the house, but the relationship with his
father as well. A very pleasant read.
Marie Jordan, mother and homemaker, Sarasota, Florida