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Two techniques that really helped are the "notebook" exercise and the "lavender sapphire." I also have really benefited from the Pressmans' assertiveness model: I feel....I want. Simple, direct and right to the point. This book has really helped me set limits in a positive way as well.
This book is a bit on the pricey side, but well worth it. I recommend it to all who have issues related to family upbringing and in particular to those from covertly narcissistic families so that they may finally be validated and understood.
Once again, such a great find!
The book is written (and priced) for professionals, but is very readable and user friendly. I wish I had come across it sooner. It would have saved me agonizing hours spent trying to pigeonhole my family's particular dysfunction(s). the Narcissistic family is the one with the parental system that for what ever reason - job streee, alcoholism, mental illness, sel-centered immaturity - centers around meeting the needs of the adults. It is the family that to some degree or another most of us grew up in. By reading Pressman's book and following the exercises, you can begin to fill the holes whether great or small in your own childhoood experience and begin to enjoy a fulfilling adult life.
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HAIL CONAN!
heart,
ivy the barbarian
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This is a *fabulous* time to be alive, if you're intelligent and enthralled by knowledge!
Once again: What I found great about the book is it explains very clearly the current thories on how cancer starts and spreads without requiring any prior knowledge in the field.
For the scientifically oriented who are interested in the details, it has a big reference and endnote section. 5 stars for sure.
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This story is about a father's difficultly in accepting his son and his son's differences (whether those are the son's homosexuality or even just his 'sensitivity') and ultimately dealing with the poignant results of that rejection. The father's desire for a ordered world is never found.
I loved this book, to put it simply. As a gay Mormon born outside of Utah but having lived there for 5 years, the characters, who are very well developed, rang true. Only one did not seem particularly "Mormon" to me, Terry's father (the father of the main character). I've met many a homophobic Mormon men in my 20 years as a Mormon, but none seem to fit this character. A small point.
Yet, this book is more than just a book about Mormons and homosexuality, like any good literature it is about something universal, set in a very specific situation, of Mormon Utah. It is about parenthood and the struggle to accept our children when they 'disorder' our world.
I agree with an earlier assessment, it is rough in parts, mainly the flashbacks are a bit heavy at times, but overall the writing is excellent, the story enthralling and the characters well written.
I really hope this book gains a wide readership.
Trey
P.S. As to the one review with a "Brodie" recommendation, seems like the reviewer has an ulterior motive in the review. The book does portray Mormons quite well and relatively balanced (but it can never be a broad portrayal, it was not meant to be at all, the reviewer missed the point of fiction).
Most Mormon literature that I have read is very preachy in nature. The climaxes have been that the protagonist realizes that the Mormonism is for him or her, and the main struggle has been about whether or not Mormonism is true. While this can be a good subject, it is entirely overused in Mormon fiction.
This book is different. It is a book about the complex relations between Terry-the disturbed mathematics professor, Blake-his gay son, and Terry Sr.-his homophobic ultra-religious father. That is why I say that it defines a new genre, because it is a well-written book about relationships inside of a Mormon culture, not about a book about Mormonism.
He has a very good vocabulary, and is very good for a first time novelist.
The following paragraph of criticisms made a very minor impact for my appreciation of this well-written book:
If you don't like flashbacks in books, then this book is not for you. The book is mostly a series of flashbacks. It contains flashbacks within flashbacks, and contains an every-other-paragraph-is-a-flashback scene. Also, the narrator uses words and phrases that are unique to the Mormon culture such as "beseechingly," "murmurous," and "bear testimony to this truth." The use of these phrases is not extreme, but may make this book a little hard for a non-Mormon to read. And even though the characters in the book that are gay are very complex, the discussion of the nature of homosexuality is relatively simplistic.
Also, if you are offended by swear words or by frank discussions about homosexuality and stories of a sensual nature, then you will be offended by this book.
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A friend who has experienced torment over fatherloss encouraged me to read Neil Chethik's "Fatherloss." Knowing the depth of my despair, my friend sensed that reading "Fatherloss" could become a transforming experience. It was.
"Fatherloss" is a detailed study of the impact of a father's death on sons. It comforts, illuminates and instructs. Chethik interweaves anecdotal responses of bereaved sons with his own life-affirming observations and commentaries. His volume gently tears down walls of silence and suffering; it is not only profoundly moving, it is liberating in the understandings it presents to its readers. As Chethik maps the differing responses of sons to father death through the variables of age, prior relationship and impact, he sheds light on the dilemmas and pain sons face as they attempt to mourn, assess loss and rejoin the living.
I now realize that I am far from alone in my reaction to my father's death. Like many sons whose fathers' premature death shattered their lives, I never said goodbye to Joe. Never told him how much I loved him. Never gave him a final kiss. Never thanked him. And the resultant guilt and false sense of responsibility for his death caused my adolescence to be a period of unceasing loneliness and emotional isolation. I disintegrated, despite the outward appearance of success and attainment.
Chethik postulates that instead of words and tears (traditionally associated with female mourning practices), men often act. We make or create legacies. My headlong descent into a life of achievement and altruistic service, my feelings of never quite being able to live up to Joe's gigantic presence, my rejection of praise and any other compliment that would permit me to feel good about my life -- all these behaviors, in Chethik's wise hands, make sense and fit into a larger mosaic of how men respond to loss.
Not every page of "Fatherloss" will be crucial to every reader; after all, it was difficult for me to identify with sons who had no relationship with their father or sixty-year-olds who had ample time to prepare for the demise of their father. Thus, some passages of this volume may appear to border on the irrelevant to a number of readers. Yet, "Fatherloss" provides solace, guidance and hope as nothing else I have read in my life has. There are paragraphs in this remarkable volume which will graft themselves on sons' hearts, where their impact will engender a sense of hope, a sanctification of memory and a capacity to relinquish grief. The sheer principled beauty of "Fatherloss" is its affirmation of life through the passageway of grief.
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First, if you have less than one year of folding experience, hands off! Rather try out some of the less complex origami books out there, e.g. "Origami from Angelfish to Zen" by Peter Engel.
Second, ordinary origami paper as you can buy it in craft stores won't get you very far here. For several models in this book, standard paper is simply to small in size for the elaborate folds. Rather go for florist's paper or tissue foil (my personal favorite).
Third, this book contains SOME OF THE VERY BEST ANIMAL FOLDS out there! The Praying Mantis, of course, which is improved a lot over Lang's first Mantis that is published in the internet. But there are a lot of other great folds in here, e.g. a very realistically looking Bear, a Rabbit, several nice color-contrast explorations like the Panda and the Skunk and one of the best crabs out there.
A must-have for any serious folder!