I love this book. It gives real life examples of common parent behavior that have surprising implications and influence on kids. It opens my eyes as to how our day-to-day and casual talks and actions, no matter how well-intentioned we are, can send damaging messages to our loved ones. In fact, I see myself and my friends featured in some of the stories and I'm grateful for the "hidden messages" uncovered. It's surely an exciting discovery of your own parenting style.

Did you know that there are better ways for parents to communicate with their children? Thanks to Elizabeth Pantley's book "Hidden Messages", parents will find that the answers are just a few words away.

Throughout the book, parents will discover how their own words and actions affect their child's behavioral development. The book includes sample situations and dialogue between parents and their children, and discusses the "hidden messages" that the parents have just expressed. Elizabeth further helps parents to understand their own actions and gives them ideas on how to change their behavior and how they communicate with their children.

"Hidden Messages" is sure to become a staple in every parenting library. I highly recommend it!

We're all human and so we all make mistakes--it's the learning from our mistakes that makes us better parents. HIDDEN MESSAGES offers us a road map to parenting in a new way. By presenting stories of typical everyday situations, followed by "Think About It," we are offered vaulable insight into the real messages that we send to our children by our actions & inactions, as well as by our words. The "hidden message" in each story is clearly described. The "Changes You Can Make" section following each story offers clear, practical, useful, and easy-to-understand advice. Thank you, Ms. Pantley for recognizing that even with the best of intentions, none of us is perfect and for showing us the way to more succesful parenting.

I disagree with anyone who says this book is not good ... or it's the worst book they have ever read. You have got to be kidding me - The True Colors of Caitlynne Jackson is one of the best books for middle and high schoolers. It is now one of my favorite books of all. This book by Carol Lynch Williams is about two young sisters - Caity 12 and Cara 11 who must fend for themselves when their abusive mother storms out of the house with an old suitcase and doesn't come back. All she leaves for the both of them is about $40.00 in the honey jar ... which is suppose to last them forever? Mrs. Williams does a great job making this book as powerful as it is. I recommend it to all of you ... every single person. It's a must read. A must must read! Thank you - and enjoy The True Colors of Caitlynne Jackson (I know you will)! :)

The True Colors of Caitlynne Jackson, written by Carol Lynch Williams, in my opinion was a great book!! I could hardly put it down!! This book shows how family difficulties can bring sisters together. Caitlynne and her sister live with their mother who is abusive. Their mother is nice part of the time and then all of the sudden will turn on them and beat them. I think everyone should read this book. It shows how people can be happy in the worst of times.

This is the best book I've ever read, And I have read a lot of books. This book is about family, love, and hard times. Two sisters trying to keep away from there mom during her horrible fits, which usally lead to bruises and pain. The mother leaves the children at one point, and the children start running out of food and the bills are unbelievable! They can't do anything about it. This is such a wonderful book! You really should read it. It's a powerful book! But still it's definatly the BEST book I have EVER read!

I haven't used this book much at all. Books by Joseph Garcia-Prats and Dana Wechsler Linden were much more helpful.

I am both a physician and a mother of a son who arrived 11 weeks early. This book has helped in every facet of my premature parenthood from breastfeeding (or, in my case, my ongoing attempts) to just feeling I was not the only preemie parent out there. In addition, the explanations of the various medical problems premature babies may face are excellent. Truly, a book that every premature parent would benefit from having.

Our son was born at 26 weeks (3 months early) and was in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) until one day past his due date. We were given this book after he'd been there one month. Let me tell you what a life-saver it was! We had been given a "crash course" in the care delivered to a premature infant... very scary stuff. Wires, machines, noise, drugs -- and in the middle of it all this unbelievably tiny human being who is your child. This book took much of the fear away and instead educated us. Preemies don't stop being preemies when they come home! This book gives the technical data in an easy to understand format that is not condescending and also focuses on the emotional as well as physical needs of the baby. Additionally, it gives contacts and information on potential problems, how to spot them early, and how to handle them. There is also a good referal list in the back. I would recommend this book not only to preemie parents, but to anyone in contact with a preemie and their family. PS. As of this writing, our son is one year old and doing great!

Faith would shed light into our lives in the darkest moments of the death of a parent, providing relief and consolation to the believer. But most adults would need an extended process of grieving in order to deal with the emotions and feelings connected with the loss of a parent. This book provides an aid to such adults. It contains eight sections dealing with a variety of emotions and situations consequent upon the loss of a parent, relating to grief, loss and pain. Each section is rich with vividly narrated stories and a concluding meditation. These authentic stories of death, loss and grief with colorful details, from the artistic pen of Delle Chatman, make this book a treasure house of consolation for grieving adults.

Delle's collection of stories has softly touched my soul. This is truly a book that must be read at least twice to allow the messages to be fully opened. Her ability to capture the essences of families and friends has helped me address the personalities in my life and to recognize situations beyond my control. Her stories combined with Father Kenneally's reflections have raised my conscience on multiple levels.

As my father is going through chemotherapy and we together are preparing him for his journey, this book has been a gift, placed in my hands at the right time by divine hands

In the realm of the many excellent books for grieving, the phrase, "if you've read one, you've read them all" often applies. It is rare to come across one that surprises you. Delle Chatman, an artist, educator and screen writer has written such a book, entitled The Death of a Parent: Reflections for Adults Mourning the Loss of a Father or Mother. First of all, the book is entertaining. That's the first unexpected element. Grief books do not usually entertain. Second, the book is innovative; unusual in it's format of fictitious stories, followed by wise, warm and beautifully to-the-point follow up meditations by Rev. William Kenneally. Third, the language in the stories is authentic and colorful, superbly written in a style in keeping with the way real people converse and think... bringing in a literary quality that is refreshingly free of platitudes or redundant self-help talk. Reading this book is like taking a journey. The reader gets taken into the lives and conversations of fictitious people who feel like people you know- which is saying a lot for the talent and skill of Delle Chatman as an emerging voice in a first book. When Chatman writes in the introduction, A Test of Faith, in the very first sentence, "I hate the title of this book," the reader knows that this writer is going to be genuine. But here again lies yet another unexpected and much appreciated element- the upbeat nature of the book. Chatman writes poignantly about the death of her own beloved parents, very much in touch with the reality of sorrow... yet she has a unique way of seeming to rise with and through the grief and pain; she brings in an understanding of the legacy of faith from generation to generation as she writes of her own six year old daughter, Ramona. The intimacy is there along with an expanded way of looking at and expressing grief through a spirituality that is natural, alive, vivid and free of the wooden language grief books sometimes contain. In an essay entitled They Never Stop Being Our Parents, Chatman begins, "Light. Everywhere." Those two words capture the essence of this shining book, one of the richest and unexpected finds to date for anyone mourning the loss of a parent and searching for solace in a language that heals and delights.

My 6th grader and I were locked in a battle over his homework. He didn't want to do it and I was following the parenting books that said to impose restrictions and consequences. So I revoked his phone privileges. When that didn't work, I cut his allowance. When that didn't work I grounded him. My son finally did his homework but he was angry and sullen. I realized that my aim, to help him enjoy learning, was being frustrated, not helped by these harsh methods. Then on Ann Landers advice, I read Smart Love. What a difference. The Piepers convinced me that discipinary measures were harming not helping my son. I followed their clear guidelines for responding to children who are having trouble in school. Instead of ordering my son to do his homework, I offered to sit down with him and help him. In place of sullen resentment, I got a positive response. We actually spent an enjoyable time together. Over the last few days I can see that my son is beginning to enjoy doing his schoolwork with me. Equally important, his sullen moods are lifting and he and I are close once again. The Piepers are so smart to realize that disciplinary measures are worthless as positive motivation. All children and all parents would benefit from Smart Love!!!

I have a teenage step-daughter whose life has been filled with many disappointments from her biological parents. When she came to live with her father and me, she was depressed, socially isolated and underachieving. We sought professional advice from several psychologists but were disappointed with the results. When Ann Landers recommended Smart Love in her column, we purchased the book. In only a few short weeks our daughter's life is beginning to change because we finally have some guidelines we can follow! She is finishing most of her homework since we started "hanging out" with her and offering our support while she works. She is also more contented and communicative when she is at home. Even more amazing, she has begun to make friends at school! Smart Love asks parents to make a serious investment of time and loving energy in their kids, but the payoff is really great! Every step-parent should buy this book. It can change your life and the life of your step-child!

I am a big fan of Smart Love. But I think it can be a difficult read for those who were raised in an environment that promoted inner unhappiness. I'm sure that it can be difficult for parents who are raising children under the stressful doctrine of discipline, tough-love and time outs. I think that could be why some of these reviews are negative. It is truly a major shift in thinking of childcare. However, it is an extremely rewarding read for anyone who wants to be the best parent they can. The Piepers provide information in an insightful and non-rageful way. This is the best book I have ever read about raising children. It really makes you feel good and confident about your decisions because they are based in a wonderful theory! What can be better than producing a happy and confident child!

I really love this book. It is simple, like a cup of coffee in the morning and doesn't require that I apply each chapter to the raising of my children like a course in Parenting 101. I feel the author William Martin understood I was searching for an inner understanding, not more rules for parenting that can be so hard to obey because they only work once. It seems to be a real challenge to raise our children, keeping them safe, all the while being aware of the subtle difference between teaching and controlling. I have often found myself questioning my decision to become a parent, a job I cannot walk away from. After reading this book, I have started to understand where the real parent in me resides and she's a lot stronger, and frankly, a lot more fun than I had given her credit for.

This is the ONE book on parenting that everyone (parents, grandparents, caregivers, anyone at all who cares about children of all ages) should read and carry with them, always. It is especially helpful for those who have limited exposure to non-Western ideas, spiritual or otherwise. What is so special about Mr. Martin's book? It forces one to focus on the CHILD, and one's reactions to the child, and to stop worrying about classifying everything and overanalyzing the child. Parents these days get so worked up about raising the perfect child, and parenting perfectly, that no one winds up happy, and I for one think many of these current generations will suffer because of this. If only more parents would read Martin's book, they'd realize that children will grow up, with or without our interference. This book will guide those who choose to let the child become who THEY should be, rather than who we WANT them to be...wise words for us all.

William Martin's walk on the spiritual side of parenting is a path that few people are brave enough to travel. In a world full of how-to-do-it-in-five- easy-steps help books, The Parent's Tao Te Ching rises above, creating a place where parents can dig deeper into their own spiritual wisdom. Instead of following the guidlines of another "expert" who has never met the readers' children or lived a day in their lives, parents are encouraged to seek the knowledge that is inherant in everyone; mother, father, guardian and child. I love this book and have bought several copies for all of my friends who are weeks away from becoming parents for the first time.

This is another really well done book by Dr. and Mrs. Sears. Maybe much of this information is available in his other books, but if you haven't read "The Discipline Book", "The Baby Book" or "The Attachment Parenting Book", I could see this as being a really exciting and thought provoking work.

I just had to comment on the negative reviewer's obnoxious remark to the effect that simply having children does not make you an expert. Dr. Sears raised his children to adulthood, and they are now successful and happy people. Two or three of his children actually are physicians who practice pediatrics with him. One of them is even starting to take over some of the media responsibilities by appearing on shows such as Good Morning America.

In a world where so many kids are estranged from their parents, this is really really nice to see. Anyone that can raise kids to be adults like that has some good advice to offer the rest of us.

I bought this book and "The Child Whisperer" by Matt Pasquinilli on the advice of a professional. I was having difficulty getting my child to listen and follow through with simple tasks. It was affecting her school too. She is such a wonderful child, so kind and caring.

The problem was that she gets distracted easily, and daydreams too much. "The Child Whisperer" was so profound in its simplicity. It created a foundation of basic skills that changed my relationship with my child.

The man who recommended these two books suggested I read and reread "The Child Whisperer" first, then after trying the techniques within it for a few weeks, I was supposed to start reading "The Successful Child:What Parents Can Do to Help Their Kids Turn Out Well." Fantastic advice!!! "The Successful Child" is chock full of easy to use advice and insights that will build your child's confidence and esteem.

All children are wonderful and start out completely innocent. As parents, we can use all the help we can get to raise happy and healthy kids. This book helps!

I bought this book and "The Child Whisperer" by Matt Pasquinilli on the advice of a professional. I was having difficulty getting my child to listen and follow through with simple tasks. It was affecting her school too. She is such a wonderful child, so kind and caring.

The problem was that she gets distracted easily, and daydreams too much. "The Child Whisperer" was so profound in its simplicity. It created a foundation of basic skills that changed my relationship with my child.

The man who recommended these two books suggested I read and reread "The Child Whisperer" first, then after trying the techniques within it for a few weeks, I was supposed to start reading "The Successful Child:What Parents Can Do to Help Their Kids Turn Out Well." Fantastic advice!!! "The Successful Child" is chock full of easy to use advice and insights that will build your child's confidence and esteem.

All children are wonderful and start out completely innocent. As parents, we can use all the help we can get to raise happy and healthy kids. This book helps!

This is one of those rare books in the mental health field that has the capacity to inspire. It is the story of a lifetime devoted to trying to provide families with one depressed parent with tools that can lead to healthy and successful outcomes for the family.

It could have been better written (parts of it bogged down a bit in the individual family stories) but I think it provides a place to start for a family wrestling with the terrible dilemmas of what to do, what to say to the kids, how to flourish in the face of terrible adversity.

I recommend that families buy one copy for themselves and one copy for a family therapist or other mental health practitioner and then sit down with that practitioner to develop a plan of action.

This book manages to be both realistic and full of hope. The author is a child psychiatrist who has extensive experience helping children and families with a depressed parent, both from his clinical practice and from his research. This dual perspective, combined with his deep compassion, makes this book come alive. He offers a wealth of advice, lessons learnt from and with the families he describes.
A book to be recommended to all who are dealing with a depressed family member and wonder how to help the children.

This is a book that is both realistic and full of hope.
The author is a child psychiatrist who has extensive experience with children and families with a depressed parent, stemming from his clinical work and his longitudinal research.This dual perspective, combined with his deep compassion, makes the book come alive. The advice embedded in the book is practical and realistic, meaning that it can actually be followed.
A book to be recommended to all who are dealing with a depressed family member and wonder how to help their children.

This book is full of good information. However, I did find a downside to this book. This book discourages parents from having their son(s) circumcised.

This book is an absolute must for anyone who is pregnant. It is very informative and very inspirational. I highly recommend it.

This book seemed more like a compilation of other discipline books that I've read and didn't provide any new insight. I didn't think the book was in depth enough to be effective and really didn't offer any suggestions for children too young to reason with.

This book has been an enormous help to me and I've read a lot of books....The Strong willed child, the difficult child, etc. They either encourage brutal force or hand-holding, neither of which I agree with. This is just straight forward, don't be stupid, you're the adult, parenting. And I like that. I got so tired of reading books that enouraged me to talk my child down gently from his or her tantrum.Please!!! Dr. Garvey puts it right out on the line, if you're child is over the age of about two or three and is still having tantrums, then it is quite clear who is in control of the child/parent relationship....the kid!! Then there have been books I've read that made me think that if my child is out of control that maybe she is ADHD. I knew this could not be possible since her teachers do not have a problem with her....the problem seems to be just with me. Dr. Garvey talks about why kids do the things they do. (Why they talk back, why they're bossy, why they whine) He refers to them as "oppositional styles" Basically, they do these things because it works for them. Dr. Garvey explains in the book how to handle these oppositional styles and how once you correct one style, the other styles will correct themselves. It's all about what you expect from your child. I think too many parents are "enablers." We've all become a bunch of wusses. We've forgotten who's in charge, myself included. And Dr. Garvey helps to remind you that you are in charge. Although let me say, he also encourages family meetings and giving kids choices to create a feeling a fairness in the home. It's like democracy with a firm reasonable leader at the helm.

I have read many good and helpful books but this is the only one which gives an effective strategy on where to start. With a demanding and misbehaving child,a parent can be easilly overwhelmed when they try to change unwanted behaviors or wear themselves out tackling the symptoms of the problem. This book focuses on the way children talk and relate during discipline which is easily overlooked when trying to correct a misbehavior. It also lists the many parenting styles that do not work and why. I have recomended this book to several friends who have found it very readable with very easy to work with. We used this book in conjunction with "The manipulative child" and our child is now happy, confident and fun to be around. People are constantly remarking on the positive changes.