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Two techniques that really helped are the "notebook" exercise and the "lavender sapphire." I also have really benefited from the Pressmans' assertiveness model: I feel....I want. Simple, direct and right to the point. This book has really helped me set limits in a positive way as well.
This book is a bit on the pricey side, but well worth it. I recommend it to all who have issues related to family upbringing and in particular to those from covertly narcissistic families so that they may finally be validated and understood.
Once again, such a great find!
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HAIL CONAN!
heart,
ivy the barbarian
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This is a *fabulous* time to be alive, if you're intelligent and enthralled by knowledge!
Once again: What I found great about the book is it explains very clearly the current thories on how cancer starts and spreads without requiring any prior knowledge in the field.
For the scientifically oriented who are interested in the details, it has a big reference and endnote section. 5 stars for sure.
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This story is about a father's difficultly in accepting his son and his son's differences (whether those are the son's homosexuality or even just his 'sensitivity') and ultimately dealing with the poignant results of that rejection. The father's desire for a ordered world is never found.
I loved this book, to put it simply. As a gay Mormon born outside of Utah but having lived there for 5 years, the characters, who are very well developed, rang true. Only one did not seem particularly "Mormon" to me, Terry's father (the father of the main character). I've met many a homophobic Mormon men in my 20 years as a Mormon, but none seem to fit this character. A small point.
Yet, this book is more than just a book about Mormons and homosexuality, like any good literature it is about something universal, set in a very specific situation, of Mormon Utah. It is about parenthood and the struggle to accept our children when they 'disorder' our world.
I agree with an earlier assessment, it is rough in parts, mainly the flashbacks are a bit heavy at times, but overall the writing is excellent, the story enthralling and the characters well written.
I really hope this book gains a wide readership.
Trey
P.S. As to the one review with a "Brodie" recommendation, seems like the reviewer has an ulterior motive in the review. The book does portray Mormons quite well and relatively balanced (but it can never be a broad portrayal, it was not meant to be at all, the reviewer missed the point of fiction).
Most Mormon literature that I have read is very preachy in nature. The climaxes have been that the protagonist realizes that the Mormonism is for him or her, and the main struggle has been about whether or not Mormonism is true. While this can be a good subject, it is entirely overused in Mormon fiction.
This book is different. It is a book about the complex relations between Terry-the disturbed mathematics professor, Blake-his gay son, and Terry Sr.-his homophobic ultra-religious father. That is why I say that it defines a new genre, because it is a well-written book about relationships inside of a Mormon culture, not about a book about Mormonism.
He has a very good vocabulary, and is very good for a first time novelist.
The following paragraph of criticisms made a very minor impact for my appreciation of this well-written book:
If you don't like flashbacks in books, then this book is not for you. The book is mostly a series of flashbacks. It contains flashbacks within flashbacks, and contains an every-other-paragraph-is-a-flashback scene. Also, the narrator uses words and phrases that are unique to the Mormon culture such as "beseechingly," "murmurous," and "bear testimony to this truth." The use of these phrases is not extreme, but may make this book a little hard for a non-Mormon to read. And even though the characters in the book that are gay are very complex, the discussion of the nature of homosexuality is relatively simplistic.
Also, if you are offended by swear words or by frank discussions about homosexuality and stories of a sensual nature, then you will be offended by this book.
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To lose a father at any age is a transformation we cannot understand by ourselves. This book will help take the sad edge from that loss. I had the pleasure of communicating with Mr. Chethik about his work and have shared the copy I had with other men of varied ages. Read Fatherloss if you have lost your Dad. Thank you Neil again.
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