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I took away from the book a few key points:
1. Keep your emotions in check.
2. Don't respond emotionally to your child, but do show your emotions (read the book to find out how!)
3. Name yours and your child's emotions
4. Truly try to understand what is going on in your child's head -- and don't guess why, ASK!
5. Involve your child in decision-making -- and this includes when you decide the consequences!
6. Persuade, don't coerce, your child to see your point.
7. Be willing to be flexible and allow your child to change your mind.
I had a revelation as I read the book that the way he talks about handling your children is how I handle conflict at work. At work, and even in my personal life (other than the kids) -- I am pretty universally known as a consensus-builder. I never force people to do what I want them to do, but I work really hard at persuading people to work with me to come up with a win-win solution for all of us. Yet with my kids, I yell at them to do what I want, when I want, how I want. I don't treat them, and their opinions, with the respect I give my co-workers and friends! How sad is that?
The best thing about the book is in the description of conflicts that we all have with our kids, and the way the same situation could have been solved using his methods. All the arguments are so accurately written that I actually laughed out loud (and was sometimes a little sad). When Brown re-wrote the scenario, using a negotiation method, it all made perfect sense. Does it take longer to negotiate? Yes. Is it really hard to keep your emotions in check? Unbelievably! But it really seems to work.
In short, buy this book. I intend to buy copies for everyone I know.
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#1: short book, (you know how intimidating those tomes can be)
#2: lots of diagrams
#3: end-of-chapter questions (with answers & explanations)
If you want to understand the Kidney, no matter where you are in your studies or practice, I wholeheartedly recommend this text.
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A lot of unknouwn facts, and timely lessons are learned starting at page one of the book. I intend to suggest it as a book selection to other reading groups.(I must confess I read it in one day...I just couldn't put it down)
Mrs. Cleo Scott Brown, S.W.E.R.(Sistah's Who Enjoy Reading) gives your book a standing ovation.
Rosie M.
S.W.E.R Reading Club founder/president
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Actually, a lot of things. After a certain age, I found it physically impossible to "make" my child do anything. On the few occasions I tried, usually because of perceived lack of time or energy, the net effect was a much greater cost of time and energy for both of us. Of greatest concern to me, however, was the potential for damage to our long-term relationship. Eventually I came to realize that the negotiation approach is the only way to realize a happy, peaceful domestic life, and had been (perhaps subconsciously) using it to help my child behave more responsibly. Mr. Brown's book helped me view these interactions as part of a well-understood process, and provided me with some valuable new tools to employ. I would highly recommend it to any parent.
By the way, the techniques covered in the book are equally effective with other family members (such as one's spouse!)