Excellent book for people with either short or long term sobriety. The content is very realistic and I believe that anyone will find a story or two in here that will relate to them. Has helped me much. Also a good book to hold onto for future reference.

Dr. Friedman shares her gift of knowledge and life experiences through stories and exercises with women who want to learn how to have self respect, self worth and a high self esteem and create a life of fulfillment. This book is truly an inspiration for women of all ages.

I bought this book after I celebrated my first abstinence Bday and didn't read it for another 6 months. I was so comforted by the stories of recovering folk in their 2nd year of sobriety, all who were experiencing difficulties in recovery that I could relate to. One of the most important things this book helped me to see is that it's okay to struggle. Now that I have 21 months of sobriety, it's not all about how do I take a shower or cook for myself; rather, I'm learning how to be a part of the world. This book was a welcome reminder that the issues I struggle with are akin to those that many 2nd-year recoverers struggle with.

This is the only book I have found written especially for compulsive gay men. It is full of insight and the testimonials of gay men in recovery make it easy and enjoyable to read. I would have rated it with 5 stars if only I hadn't read Mr.Kettelhack's 1996 book "Dancing Around the Volcano" in which he adopts a totally different point of view: That sexual needs and fantasies of gay men should be indulged rather than suppressed. This shift in point of view makes the authenticity of "Easing the Ache" seem rather dubious.

We need more writers like Mr. Kettelhack to help heal the scars of many bright, eager, and potentially productive (and happy) gay men. If only more boys would read this book before tripping into a bath of self-loathing and depression; what a fortune could be saved (not to mention many lives) in the mental health and recover/rehab department.

As I was reading this book, I felt that I should be out in the wilderness, in some sort of native american dress (no offence to native americans), with a drum and a speaking stick, expressing my maleness. The author's attitude of men will be men and they cannot but help to act in an irresponsible manner is limited, insulting, and dangerous. Is this a mergering of the mens' movement and the gay right's movement? Are we as shallow and predatory as the stereotype portrays us? According to Guy Kettlehack, I guess we are. Lawrence

Society really makes it hard being gay, even in today's enlightened times where we are seeing sitcom characters come out of the closet and openly gay candidates elected to political office. For many gay men, the journey isn't over when they've accepted themselves as being proud of who they are. The next hurdle is a deeper insecurity over sex and their participation in and enjoyment of it.

Kettelhack's discourse, a part of his own process of self-discovery, serves to make gay men stand back and try to throw away the bulk of society's anti-sex conditioning while they evaluate the role of sex and aggression in their own lives.

There are cogent arguments presented that show the amount, place, and aggressiveness of every gay man's sexual encounters are not up for judgement by anyone other than that man and his sexual partner. This is very a refreshing outlook in a current society that continues to self-censor it's most basic sexual instincts, even in the more "liberated" gay community. In fact, Kettelhack's book shows that sometimes members of the gay community can be even more self-censoring in their sex lives for fear of what straight society thinks.

Dancing Around the Volcano doesn't advocate the sole position that all sex is good under all circumstances. It makes steps to educate the reader that decisions about one's sexual habits are can only be made by the person and their *honest* and *true* feelings, and should not be influenced by what society perceives as pathology. Kettelhack demonstrates that each person can be different and everyone is free to make their own decisions. Through case studies, examples are given of men releasing themselves from the burdens of society's mores on gay sex, as well as examples of men who decide they are honestly for themselves pursuing an unhealthy sex life and decide to change it.

Eric Hunt
Austin, T