I congratulate the American Herbal Products Association for publishing this book and being on the forefront of wanting consumers to have access to accurate information about the safety of herbs when looking to purchase Herbal Products.
List price: $20.95 (that's 30% off!)
Sandra I. Smith, Reviewer
List price: $17.95 (that's 30% off!)
This book was originally written in 1976, and is considered one of the classics of the men's rights movement. In it, psychologist Dr. Herb Goldberg takes years of clinical experience, and concludes that men, far from being the privileged sex, are actually out of touch with their bodies and emotions, and unhealthily dependent on women. Further, too many men are on a destructive course that leads to mental illness, alcoholism and death. Each chapter in this fascinating book ends with a list of guidelines that the man should study to examine himself.
Overall, this book knocked me right over. As the author explains his views on men, their thoughts and their situation, I found myself shocked at his ability to see through to the heart of matter. So much of what the author says is true to this very day, more than a quarter of a century later!
My only complaint against this book is that the author attributes so much of men's attributes to social conditioning, whereas more recent studies have shown that many male-female differences are actually biological (see The War Against Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers). But, that said, this is a fascinating book with penetrating insight into the lives of modern men. I highly recommend this book to all men.
When we keep in mind the message from William James, "Sow a thought; reap an action. Sow an action; reap a habit. Sow a set of habits; reap a character. Sow a character; reap your destiny," as we read a book like "The Hazards of Being Male," we will have many "Oh yeah's. That explains it."
This book also helps men to be men, while they face their authentic selves.
Without the right to feel; have a male friend; share financial responsibility with women; participate as involved, playful fathers; no longer be self-destructive; and no longer harbor extreme guilt, traditionally thinking men, that is most men, are not living the life that they deserve to live.
"The male has paid a heavy price for his masculine, 'privilege' and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body." - Herb Goldberg, Ph.D.
Their reality is always approached through veils of gender expectations.
Men's problems are not changed by legislation, because they have no clearly defined targets against which they can vent their rage. Men will not strongly improve their lives until they experience their underlying rage toward the endless, impossible binds under which they live, which is defined by their role to be all things to all people. This includes guilt and self-denial.
So many men are tired, and are forever close to just throwing in the towel, but they haven't thrown in the towel, because they simultaneously harbor guilt, love, and fear of being lonely.
Traditionally, men maintain a self-protective stance, to protect themselves from being vulnerable. And despite the appearance of not allowing a woman to control them, men unconsciously see the female in his life as his lifeline.
Whether it is amongst friends, their spouse or at the office, men express their trouble to freely express themselves by statements such as "I think I'm entitled to get angry," followed by an apology. They don't know how to simply say, "When someone does ... I feel angry, because I need ... So, would you mind (action)?" But they can be taught this, when women expect this from them.
Another male attitude is, "God helps those who help themselves." This is to cover up the chance of appearing to be uncomfortable, anxious, or vulnerable.
The highest compliment is to call him "fearless." Of course this has held men back from processing their emotions, and taking the stance to live their lives according to what their higher power sent them here to do.
When asked why they married and remained married, many say, "she has a good effect on me. She stabilizes me." Which means that he counts upon women to regulate his life.
The male in our culture finds himself in countless, "damned if you do, and damned if you don't no-win binds. He is psychologically fragmented by many contradictory demands. And for his sake of survival he strives to maintain a cool, detached, controlled, guarded and disengaged demeanor.
With this understanding of the male psyche, recognition of his guilt, and how he covers it up, your life will be enhanced.
Why are people buying these relationship books?
The answer for most women is because of the necessity to understand how men think and behave. Additionally woman need to appreciate men for who they really are because in today's popular culture, men can act very mysteriously.
Herb Goldberg's book is pre-Mars & Venus which I think is a more readable book than this one. But I got my start in studying relationships by reading Dr. Goldberg's other great work titled, "The New Male."
I read this book the other day because I'm doing research for my third book which addresses typical women's questions about today's reality romance shows.
In reading this book I found two parts that I think are very valuable. One is the section titled, "Men's Blind Spots: How He Distorts His Relationships" which has 12 specific behavior patterns described in detail (very right on). The other section I like is titled, "Loving Him As He Wants To Be Loved" which I think are very true and can help women create a more secure emotional attachment.
As a writer in this subject matter, this is one of those books that I like to have in my library so that I can refer to it from time to time on core relationship principles. This is not a book for entertainment, but one for reference.
I can't disagree with any of the other reviewers for this book. Some will find it redundant, others will find it informative, and many will think it's boring. But for a few dollars, you get some valuable information from a highly credible source.
If you're a woman who is confused by the mixed signals that men give off in love relationships, this book may offer you some clues. Just don't expect to be entertained or amused. This is serious stuff that is written in a more formal tone. But knowing men's love blind spots may be worth your while. (It was for me!)
Such brief explanation at the prologue, seems to be the backbone of how Mr. Niehoff sees the forces that drive one sex after the other.
Using the format of a novel, (not of a scientific work) he will seek to provide to reader a view of the possible causes that have lead to such dramatic changes of conception of what is the purpose of a family and what are individuals expecting of it, at least from the perspective of the Western Civilization.
He will attempt to make such explanations by seeing from another dimension a "life time video" the lives of its parents, its ex-wives, a date, a cockroach, a chimpanzee and finally his own in order to understand from a detached perspective why we humans dedicate so much time to sex, when the fact is that for more than 99% of the humans takes a very brief time of the life span, when it is compared to other activities such as eating, working, transportation, sleeping etc. So why on earth we dedicate so much energy to think about it? And why is it that the lack of understanding with the members of the opposite sex is such a source of anguish and pain? A genetic drive is not longer a workable explanation because the fact is that we are not desperate to cover the surface of the planet with more fellow citizens. On the contrary having fewer children is now a common trend worldwide.
Nice so far, the problem is that there does not seem to be any real answer, to which the author can always state that this is a novel not a self-help guide.
If you are a consumer of supplements, or, more importantly, if you are in the business (whether you are a retailer, a broker a a seller of raw materials) this book is a complete reference that must sit on the shelf only occasionally. Otherwise it should be in your hands for consult.