I need to know if this book is appropriate to give to a man who lost his sister. He is hurting very much, he was VERY close to his sister. I want to help him to HEAL--I don't want to hurt him more.

Thank you for your advice!

Ingrid Gray

Este es realmente un libro que cambia para siempre la relación que uno puede tener con sus hijos. Explica lógicamente una forma sana de comunicación con los niños en la vida diaria. Es fácil de leerlo y hasta divertido... Contrariamente a otros libros sobre educación infantil este mantiene las reglas y las creencias que una pueda tener, pero transforma solamente la manera como estas son transmitidas y recibidas por los niños. Finalmente esta manera de decir las cosas es lo que hace la diferencia... Conforme pasan los años una llega a apreciar esta nueva forma de comunicación: los frutos sembrados aportan alegría duradera. A veces es duro de leer pues remueve muchos recuerdos de la propia infancia. El cambio depende del pasado de cada persona y de la paciencia que tenga para poco a poco ir aplicando los principios explicados. Es un trabajo difícil pero realmente vale la pena leerlo y tratar de empezar a comunicar de una forma nueva, clara, con amor y alegría! Mejor aún si se lee en pareja... Se los recomiendo mucho, y mucha suerte, paciencia y perseverancia!

This was recommended to me by my therapist when I went to her and said, "I think I'm a bad parent". I don't have very many positive role models to learn from and was just trying to do it by myself. But I was surprised to hear from the authors of this book that many parents experience what I have. I loved the examples they gave to handle every day power-control issues, temper tantrums and arguments. When finding myself in a difficult situation with my son I turn inwardly to information I heard from this cassette and it helps to keep me from doing or saying something I may regret later. Most importantly, it has helped me to learn to communicate with my child and to listen to what he is saying which has helped us grow closer.

Contrary to what one reviewer wrote, this is not the *only* book on parenting you should read. I'd recommend Faber and Maslish's other books, How to Talk so Kids will Listen..., and How to Talk so Kids Can Learn... I give this book four stars, simply because I've given the others five stars each, and I wanted to show that you should perhaps read these books first.

I found this one in the library, somewhat desperate at a time when my two-year old was regularly trying to pinch and scratch my newborn baby. What to do? It felt awful. I clutched Siblings Without Rivalry to me like a lifebuoy.

Did it help? Emphatically, yes! There is tons of helpful material here, especially the stuff about helping children to express their feelings appropriately, and the advice to treat children uniquely rather than equally. I was worried that the authors might just rehash what they said in How to Talk so Kids Will Listen..., but they don't. The format is familiar - case studies, cartoons etc, as is the general approach to life, but the content is a real development.

I have to admit that some of the book is less relevant when one of the siblings in question is still a young baby. But I'm glad I read it when I did. I'll be coming back to it in the future.

My sister spoke very early and her first words were "I'm telling mommy!" From the moment she arrived home from the hospital, we were locked in mortal combat. Our rivalry finally ended when I left home at 18. We are now good friends, but I wish that my parents had read this book during our childhood. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, authors of "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk", share years of experience gained through their own parenting trials and through those of the thousands of parents who have attended their workshops. Their aim is to teach parents the skills and techniques necessary to redirect rivalry into cooperation. Topics such as teaching parents to stop treating their children equally instead of uniquely, helping children express their angry feelings acceptably, motivating children to solve their own problems, and handling fighting are expertly covered. This best-selling book puts the reader right into the middle of a fictional workshop, sitting with other frustrated parents, asking questions and working out solutions. Each chapter begins with questions aimed at helping parents to understand and acknowledge the feelings behind a common problem. The book then describes the communication skills necessary to defuse the rivalry and gain cooperation instead of arguments. Theory is put into practice in cartoon form. A problem is presented in a cartoon, which shows the "typical" way an untrained parent would respond, and then the way the problem could be resolved using the new techniques the authors teach. The last chapter of the book explores ways in which we can mend fences and renew our relationships with our own adult siblings. Several poignant stories illustrate that it is never too late to learn effective communication skills. I found this book useful for parents of only children, since the skills presented are as useful for dealing with one child as for many. For parents of two or more children, this is a MUST READ

I am in love with this book. When my second child was first
born, I read the first chapter or two of this book and found it
very useful for dealing with my older child's jealous behavior.
Now that my second is 1 1/2 and the two children are playing
together and having so many conflicts, I picked the book back
up and read it from cover to cover. There are so many helpful
anecdotes. The book has given me words to handle so many
frustrating situations. It is one of my favorite
books on child-raising!

This book has some practical ideas for talking with kids but I don't feel its useful in many aspects. I personally disagree with its philosophy that you should treat your child the way that you would want a friend to treat you. The example that the book gives for this shows what is wrong with this philosophy. They say that you shouldn't say "I'm so proud of you." Instead you should say "You must be proud of yourself" Why? Because if you had just done something great you would not like it if a friend said "I am so proud of you." You would think that it was strange and wonder why the friend was taling about their feelings. Yeah, that true. But almost everyone I know would LOVE it if their parent said it to them. Why? We all seek the approval of our parents no matter how old we are. The friend/parent relationship is fundamentally different. We know that for any parent, a child's accomplishments make one as happy as anything we could do ourselves. Anyone who doesn't recognize the special relationship between parents and children can't write a fully effective parenting book. This book also fails to accept the fact that kids really need discipline. This does not mean you have to punish a child. I believe that Anthony Wolfe's books which understand the primacy of the parent-child relationship are much better than this one. Dr. Wolf does NOT belive in punishment. He does believe in discipline. If you think those two things are the same, read his books.

As a preschool teacher and parent, I found this book to be the major influence in forming my communication style with children. In fact, this book has given me the skills to communicate more effectively with everyone... my friends, my husband, my boss, and even my mother-in-law! When I changed my approach in how I spoke to them, they often changed their behavior. The logical, respectful strategies really work! My only criticism is that the format of the chapters does not always fascilitate quick 're-read' referral. For example, when I recently wanted to quickly look up a whining, or biting, or mealtime strategy for three of my preschoolers, I became frustrated and confused as to where in the book I had seen the information. These topics were not listed in the index and I began to flip through the pages trying to find the stories and suggestions that I thought I remembered seeing somewhere. Therefore, I would also like to recommend another wonderful new book with the very same philosophy that is organized differently...for quick use on the spot for very busy parents. THE POCKET PARENT is literally a pocket-sized A-Z guide exclusively written for parents and teacher of preschoolers (2's, 3's, 4's, & 5's). It is loaded with hundreds of easy to find quick-read bullet answers (called 'sanity savers') to 40 common behavior problems of 2- to 5-year-olds. I recommend these two books for every mom and dad with a 2- to 5-year-old. Both books are permissive with feelings, but strict with behavior while preserving the dignity of both parent and child. Both books are full of humor and compassion from authors that have 'been there,' too. For help on the spot as well as long term understanding ...keep both books handy!

If I could entice every new parent to read just one book, this would be it. Thousands of children's lives have been improved, and in some cases transformed, as a direct result of their parents reading this book and practicing its kid-tested, nonpunitive approaches to discipline. The authors have little time for abstract theorizing, concerning themselves with down to earth practical issues of parenting, using sensitivity, empathy, communication skills, and humor. This book is crammed with invaluable suggestions, techniques and ideas for parents committed to raising great kids without resorting to discredited, harmful, pain-and-fear-based methods of the past.

This book is in its twentieth edition for a reason: these methods WORK. I personally know a mother who formerly used the harsh, punitive methods of James Dobson, only to find that her problems with her daughter became worse and worse over time rather than better. After she read "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk" and put its suggestions into practice, she literally threw Dobson's volume into the trash. And after a year and a half, she told me her relationship with her daughter had improved so much that she'd previously had no idea that it COULD be that good. The fact that the problems she'd been having had vanished now seemed almost an afterthough compared to the deepening of their parent-child bond. Their communication had improved profoundly, opening up previously unguessed levels of richness in their relationship. "She is such a terrific kid," my friend once told me, and with genuine incredulity added, "I can't believe I actually used to HIT her!!"

Another acquaintance of mine, who is raising two great kids using nonpunitive methods of the sort Faber and Mazlish recommend, summarized her entire philosophy in just one sentence: "I don't want obedient children, I want COOPERATIVE children!" I think the great majority of parents, if they thought about it, would realize that this is what they too would prefer. Faber and Mazlish show the way.

This book appears at first glance to be a collection of nonpunitive discipline techniques, but it is actually much more: a whole new way of thinking about the parent-child relationship which transcends the permissiveness vs strictness continuum with an approach to parenting based on neither punishments nor rewards. Authoritarian methods use coercion to make the child lose and the parent win, while total permissiveness makes the parent lose and the child win. Faber and Mazlish's methods, on the other hand, show the way towards families in which everybody wins.

Christopher Dugan

http://www.geocities.com/cddugan/homepage.html

This was a blessing to read! The book offers practical ways to create solutions for problems, how to listen, empathize, and better understand the person with whom you're speaking. As a teacher, I am able to apply this with students of ages ranging from 5 to 15 yrs old, and as a continuing student, I am able to apply communication techniques to others. The illustrations are especially helpful for "review" of the books main focus. This is a simple to read, easy to understand book, with efficient ways to apply knowledge towards MANY people, not only children. I recommend this book for anyone who has an interest in improving their communication skills, interpersonal relationships, and relationships with children. Husbands, wives, teachers, students, THIS BOOK WORKS when applied. I felt a sense of accomplishment and pride when I noticed myself referring to examples from the book, and you can, as well. It's definitely worth reading!

I loved this book. It goes along with "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." In fact, the book uses the same formula and layout. The communication techniques are the same, with different examples which show how they can be used in a school setting. I found the cartoons really helpful and I liked all the great examples. I especially liked all the illustrative dialogues between the teachers in the book; the authors really take the time to explore all the criticisms of their approach and do a good job of refuting them.

The one thing the book doesn't do, because it is so focussed on communication, is really address specific school problems, like students who don't do homework. If that's what you're looking for, this book may not be enough, but the communication skills taught in it are still valuable as part of dealing with such issues. Thus, if you've read the first book you might find it repetitive. If you haven't, and you're a teacher, I'd suggest you buy this one instead.

After a frustrating first year of teaching at a junior high school, I was about ready to give up the teaching career all together. I picked up this book one evening because I liked the cartoon drawings in it (it looked like it would be fun to read). I couldn't put it down. I learned so many things that I cannot wait to use my second year of teaching. I especially appreciated the chapter on praising children. I never realized what a negative impact that too "straight-forward" praise (such as "You're so smart!") could have on a student. Now I look back when I was a kid, and I hated it when people would constantly say that to me, because I always felt like, "okay, i'm smart....so what?" I thought I wouldn't be allowed to make a mistake. Those types of teachers that would say things like, "oh, don't worry about that assignment/paper/project...you are smart..you can do it," well, that didn't make me feel any better. The best teachers I had were the ones that gave me specific examples of things that I was doing right in class.