First, let me talk for a moment about the writings of Joe R. Lansdale. I'm now totally addicted to this remarkable East Texas author. I think his novel, THE BOTTOMS, is one of the true masterpieces of modern American literature. I love the "Hap/Leonard" series and could read a new novel about these two hilarious and utterly heroic characters every week, if Mr. Lansdale could write the books fast enough. I've read his novellas THE BOAR and THE BIG BLOW and have wondered why a mainstream publisher didn't pick up these two great little books. I've also read his children's story, SOMETHING LUMBER THIS WAY COMES. So far, I've enjoyed every piece of writing by him that I have read. FREEZER BURN is no exception. Though certainly different from the above books, it nevertheless is pure Lansdale at his best. This is the story of Bill Roberts, a low life who simply doesn't know any better. He's been living with his dominating mother for a long time, and when she finally dies, he decides to keep her body in the bedroom so that her social security checks will continue to come in. The only problem with the plan is that Bill is unable to successfully forge her signature on the checks. So, with a handful of checks he's unable to cash, a raucous smell permeating the house, and a couple of cans of beets in the kitchen cabinet left to eat, Bill makes the less-than-lucid decision to rob the firecracker stand across the street on the fourth of July with the help of two equally stupid acquaintances, Fat Boy and Chaplin. Like everything else in Bill's life, the robbery goes terribly wrong. The owner of the firecracker stand is murdered and then Fat Boy (he encounters a nest of water moccasins in the swamp!!!!) and Chaplin are killed in the getaway. Bill hides out in the Bottoms for a day or so, feeding the mosquitoes with his face, avoiding the poisonous snakes, and praying the law doesn't catch up with him. When he eventually comes out of hiding, he sees a carnival in a nearby field and goes to them for help. The owner of carnival, Jack Frost, takes Bill in and allows him to stay until he's completely healed from the mosquito bites, and then offers him a job. This carnival is special. It's filled with freaks: Conrad the Dog Man, U.S. Grant the Bearded Lady, the two-head Buckwheat, pin heads and punk heads, midgets, and the Ice Man. Even Frost has a hand growing out of his chest. The only other normal person (except for a couple of nasty roustabouts) besides Bill is Gidget, the wife of Jack Frost. Gidget-blonde, beautiful, sexy, and as deadly as one of those cottonmouths in the Bottoms-is every husband's worse nightmare. Over a period of weeks, Bill gradually begins to see Frost and some of the other freaks in the carnival as human beings, but it isn't his destiny to be a nice guy. Gidget has other ideas for him. It isn't long before she seduces Bill with her body and talks him into helping her kill Frost so that they can take over the carnival. Of course, like Bill's other endeavors, the plan to kill Gidget's husband will have its drawbacks and pitfalls, and nothing will turn out quite as he expects. FREEZER BURN is definitely not for everyone. I think the reader has to have a rather bizarre sense of humor and a willingness to allow the author to take him/her down a path that may seem somewhat weird to the average person, yet is actually a journey about life and what it means to be different, not to mention what goes around, comes around. This novel is Mr. Lansdale's homage to James M. Cain's THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE, using the themes of lust, adultery, and murder, only with a slightly different twist. Though funny from beginning to end (yes, I have a rather bizarre sense of humor about life), this novel is also filled with poignant insights into how people treat those who are different. I also think that Mr. Lansdale is a firm believer in karma. When people do bad things, it always comes back to bite them in the butt sooner or later. I will say that the finale of FREEZER BURN is a downer; yet, I don't see how the author could've ended it differently. The story could only have one final outcome and still remain true to the very nature of who Bill Roberts and Gidget Frost actually are. If you're looking for a happy ending, this isn't the book to read. If, however, you're looking for a book that will shock you, tickle your funny bone, and make you think about prejudice in all of its sad and unhealthy forms, then this is the one to buy.

FREEZER BURN shows us Bill Roberts and his 2 friends organizing a little robbery of a fireworks display. Problem is it's across the street from where Bill lives with his deceased mother in the back bedroom. The other problem is the display owner recognizes him and is killed. The next problem is the getaway car crashes, killing one of Bill's friends and the chase through a swamp kills the other friend. Not to mention a cop accidentally kills himself trying to take down Bill. All this and Bill ends up in a freak show carnival. Huh? Trust me, this novel is action packed and filled with allusions to Jesus Christ, Judas Iscariot and a host of colorful characters that make this one of Lansdale's best novels in years. Most highest recommendation

I wasn't sure what to think of _Freezer Burn_ when I started it. The characters were just a bit too wild to really register.

Then, about the time the protagonist, Bill, realizes that he's starting to have unusual feelings (love, friendship) for Conrad the Wonder Dog, and Frost, the leader of a small freakshow he's hooked up with following a botched robbery, I realized that I was starting to feel all warm inside, too.

It takes a great writer to create a character like Bill--someone you'd normally cross the street to avoid--and make you care about what happens to him. I know that other reviewers didn't feel the same way, but I was right there, rooting for the poor guy the whole way.

If anything, the downbeat, noirish finale, which I should have seen coming, came as a bit of a surprise, even though we've all seen this a thousand times before (think _Double Indemnity_ or _Body Heat_).

Heck, I would have been happy just following Bill's adventures with the freakshow for a few more hundred pages. I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it highly, though it's obviously not for all tastes.

What does a man who is 88 have to be happy about? Well at 88, George Burns finds enough to be happy about to fill a book with jokes and tongue-in-cheek advice on happiness.

Don't read the book to find the secret of happiness because most of his advice is simplistic and written to get a laugh rather than to enlighten. However, if you like George Burns as a stand-up comic, then you should find plenty in this text to amuse you.

There are over 40 full-page black and white photos of George Burns with famous friends, his staff, stills from his movies and nightclub acts, and photos of him with four female models posing as either patients or nurses. These cheesecake photos are the worst part of the book.

At the end of the book he names all the people, including the writers and models who helped him with it. Since everything he says is a joke, you can't count on the book as a reliable memoir, so read it only for its amusement value.

In this world, it is rare that a man show as much love, kindeness, and humility as did George Burns. However, this book chooses rather to focus on the sordid details of his life. The sexual immorality, the dirty jokes off stage, the things that George himself varnished over. George had a right to varnish over the negatives. It is the soul of the man. It is how he made it to 100 years of age. This book instead punches him below the belt posthumously. I was and am a big George Burns fan, and I was sorely disapointed that someone could be so cheap and callous as to sully his image.