as a partner to an ACOA this is a must read for anyone involved in this kind of relationship. easy to read, easy to understand, and full of AHA! moments. great information!

I thought I knew about relationships and how to make one work and what it took to keep one going. I thought my past failures were a product of bad timing. I did not see why I went after the wrong people, prused bad situations and stayed when I should have left. This book opened my eyes and changed my perspective. It was brilliant.

Woititz has written several books aimed at helping "Adult Children of Alcoholics" (ACA). I recommend all of them. This book is based on the problems ACAs (and others from troubled homes) have in beginning and maintaining close relationships. She gives practical advice rather than the usual "cuddle your inner problem child" blather that some books give. All of her books are based on 10-12 things that most ACAs have in common. These things are listed at the front of each book and I recommend that each reader start there. If this list strikes a chord with you, then get the book! Among the list are: ACAs wonder what normal is. ACAs lie when they could just as easily tell the truth (I didn't believe this of me until a friend pointed out a few). ACAs have a hard time changing their course even when it's obvious that they should (I'm paraphrasing this one). Check it out!

I found myself within the pages of this book! That is no exaggeration. Recently, I have noticed destructive patterns emerging within my failed relationships and searched for the reason behind this. Literally, until yesterday (I read the book last night), I had no idea what was causing my actions and the resulting actions from my former partners. Previously, I had minimized the long-term affects of my childhood experiences. Now, I see how this experience has touched almost every aspect of who I am. Identification of the problem is the first step to recovery. As an ACOA, I feel validated and on the path to recovery. God Bless Janet Woititz and my fellow ACOAs. Do not wait...start the healing process now!

This book certainly hit a lot of things in my life right on the head. I've "struggled" with this and many issues. Counselors thought about "Co-Dependency" which after reading about COA's in this easy to read, direct information I am now convinced they were off base. I suggest this book to learn about "COA's" especially if nothing, ie "Co-Dependency", seems to fit. I just ordered another book by her.

This book was truly written to begin healing the pain and scars within. The emotions revealed caused more tears than I'd ever imagined. All of the sudden you can understand because it has been put into words for you the things that you never acknowledged or just weren't able to say. This book should be treasured for it's ability to touch and mend your heart if you open yourself up and allow it. It has brought peaceful feelings never experienced before.

I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to know how alcoholism affects a family as a whole.

Even if there are no children in your relationship, don't skip the chapter regarding what happens to the kids. Many alcoholics or those who are attracted to them come from childhoods were alcoholism played a part. You'll be surprised by who you recognize in this chapter.

The author stresses that the alcoholic does not have to be the husband. For the sake of simplicity, though, she wrote the information from that point of view. Keep an open mind if what she presents isn't exactly your situation.

And by all means, go to Al-Anon. It's free. Al-Anon is for families and friends of trying to cope with the behavior and thinking of an alcoholic. AA is for alcoholics. Let AA help the alcohlic get sober, because you as a family member or friend cannot do that. Those who live with, work with, are related to, or are otherwise impacted by an alcoholic's behavior will benefit from Al-Anon. Learn how not to inadvertently feed into the alcoholic behavior.

This book is a great place to start in that understanding. Another book that I recommend is "It Will Never Happen to Me" by Claudia Black.

This book and author has had a profound affect on me! Reading it is like being thrown a lifeline in the midst of a raging insanity storm!

It has helped me see - I'm NOT crazy. I CAN be whole. There IS hope. I encourage anyone in relationship with an alcoholic to get this book and start back on the road to wholeness!

This is the first book that really addresses the issue of the spouse or partners problems living in a relationship with an alcohlic.

Took care of all my guilt and frustration with my partner and pointed the way for me to make a decision to live with the problem without always trying to fix the problem

From the moment I started to read this book, I was 'smacked in the face' by the relevence of this book in my life at this "exact juncture" !.

I have just lost a job that I "loved", it was my "home away from home" (I actually used to say that...); my boss was my "best friend", I would do virtually ANYTHING to support and help him in the work place and in his failing personal life. I was terminated because his wife felt we were "too close" after two years of blind loyalty. Terminated ! No notice ! No severance ! Lost my job, my best friend, my source of income, my entire world/life.

READ THIS BOOK IF YOU ARE AN ADULT CHILD !!! I wish I had read it before. I will not be the 'enabler' and the 'fall guy' the next time.

I highly recommend this book to anyone that is an ADULT CHILD and find themselves without a job/sense of self/reason to live/purpose in life because the "job" and "your life" ARE NOT intertwined unless you allow them to be. I did not establish correct "boundries", and coincidentally, my previous "boss/best-friend" is an Adult Child also.

I just ordered the book to be delivered to my previous boss/best friend. Hopefully he will learn from this book as well, and not follow the same patterns.

If you have been losing jobs despite working "very hard", and you are an ACoA, this is the book that will finally answer the big question of "why! " ACoA's, as explained succinctly yet in detail by Woititz, have ingrained patterns of behavior that result in problems on the job. We can identify these patterns, come to understand where they came from, and finally, do something to change them! This book gave me far more insight than years of counseling - Woititz truly knows the ACoA!

This book as a very noble intent and if it can help some people improve their lives, that's great. However, after reading so many great reviews about this book, I was extremely disappointed having read it.

Among the things I didn't like was the author's authoritative tone when she'd describe things that allegedly happened in your family (as if she had been there herself). Of course, she is gleening common events from the "typical" alcoholic home, and of course SOME of those probably occurred in your situation. However, after the 20th time reading that both my mother and father treated me such-and-such a way and that I had such-and-such thoughts - none of which actually occurred in my situation - I started to get a little annoyed and felt that this book did not really describe my experience. (It would be much better if she had said "this MAY have occurred in your home" or "you MIGHT have felt such-and-such", but when she tells you that this or that DID occur and that you DID have these feelings, you begin to wonder just how much of this book really does apply to you.)

Another big problem was the verbatim quotes of people going through recovery. These really should have been edited to make them clearer and more relevant. It's one thing to want to show people's feelings and experiences in their own words, but sometimes people's own words leave a lot to be desired as far as clarity and cohesiveness. The quotes often lacked relevance or were written in such a way that you got the feeling as if you were overhearing an inside joke. (Of course, none of it was joking material, but you got that same sense of not being privy to the full context of the situation - making you lose your train of thought while you tried to figure out what they could possibly be trying to say.)

There were some helpful parts of the book and as I said, if it helps others, great. Personally, I didn't get much out of it, mostly due to the author's style and the poorly executed use of "testimonials" from recovering children of alcoholics.

This book literally saved my life! Even though I am college educated with an advanced degree in social work, I always thought I was "crazy". When I worked professioanlly with truly "crazy" people, I lived in fear that one day, I too, would be diagnosed as crazy.

I was introduced to this life altering book through an Adult Childrenof Alcoholics group. I devoured the book as soon as I got my hands on it. I couldn't believe what I was reading...it described MY LIFE, and more importantly, it described MY FEELINGS, which I had never been able to sort out.

Thank God I know I am not crazy. I now realize I was not responsible for my parents' behavior. This book gave me tools to use to change my life. My life is so much better after reading this book. If you can only read one book, read this one. In my opinion, it's the best there is.

Catagorized as a adult child of a child of an alcoholic, the effect is just as devastating. For 38 years, life seemed so restless and tormenting. This book was an extreme help in spelling out the feelings that were felt but could not be put into words by an adult child who learned to shut out all emotions. A healing process begins as the tears begin to flow. This book is excellent! Thank you Janet.

This book has been helpful for me in turning around a lot of the unhealthy parenting patterns I learned from my dysfunctional parents. But I also was annoyed at times by what seemed to me to be a scolding, moralizing tone. Also, I felt the author should have shown a bit more empathy for her audience (as she does in her other books on alcoholic families). I finished the book with a bubbling rage toward my parents. Why did they get -- and exercise -- the option to fail their kids, while I am stuck having to work extra-hard to parent differently? Why do they get let off the hook so easily, yet I remain accountable? I've been stuck with this anger ever since my 4-year-old daughter was born, and even therapy hasn't thoroughly eliminated it. I do think Woititz owes us -- the true heroes in the struggle to break the chain of abuse -- a bit more validation and empathy than she shared in this book.

Was helpful in realizng the actions of parents to their children, but I found other books more helpful overall such as, Toxic Parents overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life, by Dr. Susan Forward. Not only helping the child, but focusing on the parent and how to correct their own lives.

This is a great book for people who have grown up in troubled families. It offers great advice and great insights on topics such as setting limits, boundaries, and a host of other parental problems. I use it with all of my clients and in my workshops and parent groups. Nicely written book

I'm a veteran of the "adult child" genre, and as I was reading this book, I found myself thinking that other books in my library covered this ground much more effectively for my taste. I found the tone of this volume somewhat simplistic and the sample person-to-person interactions a bit forced (which I suppose is the point), but that made it hard for me to relate to them or imagine myself carrying out the sample exercises.

Personally, I got a lot more out of _Adult Children of Abusive Parents_ by Steven Farmer, which deals with many of the same topics but uses far more detail and more real-life examples I could believe actually happened, and that made a big difference in whether I felt able to take the advice to heart. (Details ARE important to me, and I felt like _Lifeskills_ was light on them: My copy may be 200 pages long, but it uses a suspiciously large font and liberal line spacing -- only 28 lines to a page.)

There's also a curious convention _Lifeskills_ uses -- three small stylized icons of a man tilting back a bottle of wine, which are used as section separators! Given that many "adult children" have one or more alcoholic parents, this really made me cringe.

If you've never read any other books in this genre, this is probably an OK place to start. I just found that with some other books on this topic I'd read, I got more "bang for the buck."

"Lifeskills" is one of those books everyone should own. It deals with the personality traits inherent in those from dysfunctional families (primarily, children of alcoholics) and presents "normal" functioning skills which children of alcoholics often do not learn. Even if one is not a product of an alcoholic environment, this book gives an excellent view of healthy, "normal" responses to life's daily situations.

An excellant book for both therapists and survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The information is presented in a very sensitive fashion that is less likely to evoke a strong negative effect in survivors. It invites the reader to explore the devastating effects of sexual abuse at their own speed. The author reiterates the importance of self care and support throughout the healing process and gives many suggestions as to how to do this in healthy manner. A fine and gentle introduction to a troubling subject.