The BEST self help book I have ever read. It not only tells you, who you are, but why you are that way. Great for those who think they have to be in total control,because no matter how much you want control, you can't have total control, and have a productive life

I was not expecting to find such an accurate description of myself in this book, but as I read on I did and I was amazed at how Stills hit the mark dead on. I pondered her assessment of my behavior and her suggestions on fixing things for days. I've also used the book to help understand other people. Self-help books are meant to bring about a stronger sense of self-awareness and if you're reading this and need a tool to help you start finding out who you are, READ THIS BOOK.

Appropriately named, the author's interpretations of the problems of human nature boils down to the vary basics of our own personality - the facade we create for ourselves. More often than not we tend to paint an inaccurate picture of ourselves far removed from reality and that is the real stumbling factor in our way to be better humans. The more we understand the accurate pattern we all project to others and to ourselves, we better we will be in realizing the "excess baggage", the emotional load we throw at others.

I was pleasantly surprised at the way this book analyzes and portrays the human behavioural patterns. It has three simple steps to make you feel more worthy of living - identify the pattern you are protraying for yourself, identify the real you and make corrections to make them together. The author must have gone through rigorous research and observations before writing this book and made our tasks simpler to look at a mirror, of our own reflections. I initially got the book from the library but decided to own it for my own reference, and for others.

My husband isn't my "type" and but for reading Judith Sills' marvelous book in the late 80's, I wouldn't have given him a second glance. She helped me focus on the durable qualities which are truly important to happy relationships---intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, trustworthiness---and thus to look beyond the packaging. Her key question is "How do you feel about yourself when you're with this person," NOT "How do you feel about him or her?" Working through the past history exercises she suggested, I realized I'd been more on the right track in close friendships with men I admired than in relationships with guys who seemed romantically attractive.

I don't know how many copies I've given away, as well as Sills' follow up book, "A Fine Romance" about the passage from courtship to marriage. If you only read one book on dating and mating, this is the absolute best. Without it, I wouldn't have a big, bagpipe playing, adoring husband, a new circle of friends, and trips to Scotland---I'd still be miserable with "my type" of neurotic artists. There's no way for me to ever thank Judith Sills enough.

I did find my "someone to love" and he was "My Mr. Right" although he wasn't my "Ideal Man". I subsequently married this man who is fabulous. I would never have done so without having read this very direct and honest book. Thanks for helping me take stock of myself and those around me.

For anyone who's been single most of their life, this book should be on your list of "must reads." Judith Sills writes with a common sense approach, and makes you stop and take stock of your behaviors. I've read this book over and over again, especially when I meet someone new who doesn't quite match my "ideal" of the perfect partner. Reading this book is like a free therapy session. For anyone who's tired of being single, this book will help you get there!!! Highly recommended!

Judith Sills tells us how we can change our relationships with men by Refocusing, Reframing, and Responding Differently to our man's behavior. And since Sills says it better than I can, I'll quote a few sentences from her first chapter:

"Focusing on men has taken us as far as it can. This book is written directly to women, and just about women, so that we can turn the corner. The way we turn the corner is that we let go of the idea of getting to love by helping men to change. In our all-too-understandable obsession with getting more of what we need and what we are reasonably entitled to in a relationship, we have overlooked a key psychological truth: ** relationships depend far less on whom we choose than on who we are.**.... You are the single most important factor in whom you choose to love, and in what you experience in return. Love is a measure of your own inner stretch..."

If that paragraph intrigues you, you'll find much of value here. Throughout the rest of the book, she'll gently -- and a little philosophically -- show you how you can help yourself to stretch further.

And despite her statement that she is writing for women on the topic of romantic love, much of what she says about love applies in family and friend relationships as well.

This book shows me how to be more tolerant of the man in my life. My expectations can be pretty high--almost unrealistic. I am reminded to let my signifcant other have his shortcomings while allowing some of my needs to be met though other people and, that the only one I can change is myself. It is one of the best relationship books on how to co-exist with another human being and still be a loving mate. Judith Sills is insightful and skilled in her professional life and with her writing, she's one of my favorite "how-to" authors.

Judith tells women how to love the man we choose for who he is rather than for who he should be. We cannot change HIM, only our own interpretations. She calls this "refocusing", moving our thinking from "What's wrong with him?" to "What is it I need, and do I necessarily need it from him?" She gives us scenarios of different couples' ways of communicating from doing laundry to watching sports, which are familiar and funny. She teaches us, not submission, but how to help ourselves become more interdependent with our mate, allowing us to love him more, need him less.

This is just the best book I've read on relationships. Frustrated with being single, and just seem to muck it up every time? You need to get schooled. Dr. Sills has a straightforward way of writing that never gets bogged down, always to the point. My only problem is that the paperback is not put together well, the pages have already started falling out. Gotta look for the hardcover!

"A Fine Romance" is a sympathetic, pragmatic, and very accurate description of the courtship process. Judith Sills knows her stuff--and must be a fabulous therapist--her sympathy, compassion, and basic honesty shine forth in these pages. Growing up, as I did, during the sexual revolution and the women's movement, left me without rules or guidelines to follow. This book reinterprets the world of dating and relationships in a way that is useful, sometimes very funny, always compassionate to all parties. Whether you are just starting out or have been dating for a while, this book is a winner. I read and re-read it as I learned how to date and be in a relationship successfully after my divorce. The book offers no magic formulae, just realistic, believable advice that you will find to be accurate and helpful. And I very much believe that I owe my own (finally!) "fine romance" to the advice I got from this book. Enjoy.

This book integrates the best of the traditional and macho roles for women. The how's and why's to be independent and the freedom it gives you to enjoy love and life. This book describes the various stages women go through as they grow and mature in a way that makes it easy to determine where you are. Then it describes, gives examples, and scenarios of how a women who loves more and needs less refocuses, reframes, and responds. I wondered if I made the right but tough decision to leave a relationship. The description of a poisonous situation confirmed my decision even though the situation seemed innocuous to outsiders and at times to me. A woman so touch with her life creates very positive and affirming way of living for everyone around her. It is not easy to be such a person but this is a model worth emulating.

This book is a very comprehensive look into the patterns and behaviors of dating and relationships. It was very insightful, especially the intial courting stages. After finishing, I was amazed that people actually get past all the obstacles that can prevent a relationship happening. I could recognize almost all the patterns/behaviors, especially "the swtich." I can't say any of it would discourage me, but am more aware of scenarios that arise. And its an easy read.

I found this book to be extremely helpful. My boyfriend and I are both separated and of course have had moments of ambivalence and doubt combined with feelings of extreme love and closeness and major fear. This book has taught me that ambivalance and doubts are a normal part of any relationship. Relationships are a dance of moving forward and backward all the time. Just because someone is having doubts or isn't sure, doesn't mean the relationship isn't a wonderful one. This book has kept me hanging in there because now I understand that what we are both feeling and going through are a normal and expected part of any healthy relationship.

I hate dating but when it comes to long-term relationships, I'm a pro! So, if I wasn't in a committed long-term relationship, I was floundering in the dating pool until I mysterously found someone compatible to me. This book helped me make sense of what was going during the dating stages and explained why I was able to move so quickly past them.

I also highly recommend this book to the divorced or widowed who haven't been in the dating scene in quite some time too.