Dr. Sears is the acknowledged leader in the attachment parenting movement, with many well-received books to his name. Like his other titles, _Becoming a Father_ emphasizes early bonding, positive discipline, and respect for the child's physical and emotional needs. To the extent that all fathers need to hear this message, this is an excellent book. So why the low rating? Because despite his child-positive message, Dr. Sears is caught in a time warp when it comes to models of masculinity. Underlying his arguments for an active role for fathers are assumptions that this reader found frustratingly rigid and occasionally downright offensive. An example:

"The growing child should see that important family matters require a mutual decision-making process that involves both mom and dad, but I believe that dad is primarily responsible for making decisions." (p. 194)

Even more troubling is the author's attitude toward homosexuality, which seems to be informed more by conservative religious values than by current medical knowledge:

"'I don't want my son to grow up to be a pansy,' exclaimed John, a new father. His sentiments are shared by most men." (p. 200)

For those readers who aren't already aware of the meaning--or should I say "demeaning"?--of this slur, Dr. Sears goes on to define a "pansy" as "an effeminate boy." Given the author's 1950s-style ideas of masculinity, I'd hate to think how he would judge a boy who, after watching his father wearing a younger sibling in a sling, asked for a doll to play with. He concludes:

"I am personally concerned that our society tends to approve of lifestyles [sic!] such as homosexuality. Society sees this as an 'acceptable alternative.' I can accept a person as a homosexual without having to approve of the morality of homosexuality." (p. 208)

If this "love the sinner, hate the sin" attitude reflects your own beliefs, you will probably get a lot out of this book. But if you take a more egalitarian view of male-female relationships and don't believe--and most mainstream doctors do not--that weak paternal role models "cause" homosexuality, you may want to look elsewhere for advice on fathering. To be fair, there is much of value in this book, but the truly helpful ideas can be gleaned from Sears's array of other works (such as _The Baby Book_) or from other attachment parenting guides, like Katie Granju's _Attachment Parenting_.

Yes indeed. Why? I do not know. But, my husband read this book cover to cover. It was the ONLY book he read to prepare for the birth of our daughter.

His issue, and mine, has a lot to do with Dr. Sears' consistently characterizing Dad as "helper", someone secondary in importance to Mom and incapable of being motherly.

His writing style is kind of folksy if you like that.

If you are really liberal and politically correct,you will not appreciate this book or this man for that reason and for the way
you may perceive his views on gender identity and development in children.

If words like conservative, traditional are anathema to you, leave the book on the shelf.

I enjoyed reading the book. I have used many of the ideas from Dr. Sears book to raise my two children. I own five other fathering books but this is by far the best and most practical one.

Lets face it, there is little support or literature for fathering. I think society expects men to raise their children just like our dads did. Most of the available fathering literature is written by men with one or two children and psychology degrees. Dr. Sears has six kids and is a busy pediatrician.

Especially if you are a first time father, do your child a favor. Buy and read this book.