Dr Hastings gently speaks the unspeakable. For all of us who were sexually abused as children, this book helps us understand why.

For those of us adults that have gone on to be sexual with children, Dr Hastings helps us tackle our deep shame and secrecy. Required reading for all healing from society's betrayal of the child.

Dr Hastings deals with women who are sexual with children. The least known and harshest treated. She objectively debunks the myth that "sex offenders" can be treated by just tackling the now issues. Sex addiction, including that to children, has to be dealt with holistically. Focusing just on so-called "deviant" behavior just moves the problem elsewhere.

A hard book to read; one best kept to discuss with your therapist or better still, with your 12 Step sexual recovery group.

Thanks, Dr Hastings, for all your help.

This book does an admirable job of staking out the issues necessary for individuals and society to address in order to begin true healing from the forces that compel people to act out sexually with children. Hastings alludes to her own history in this area and thus models the courageous stance that replaces shame with honesty. I found myself having a wide variety of feelings while reading this book, and found it harder to read than I had anticipated. While not a definitive work on the subject (such a book hasn't been written yet), this work will be seen as instrumental in pointing the way for future growth in the area of pedophilia recovery.

For those who have molested, been molested, or been interested in more on the subject of molestation, Hastings says it all. From Generation to Generation helps us all to see that judging others does no good, we must reach out. The book also lets us know that we must seek the help we need, whether in this area or another. I can't say enough about this book

In a hundred pages Scaef does something truly remarkable. She confronts the self-serving and dangerous side of co-dependency yet maintains a nonjudgmental perspective. Many, many books, of course, discuss the dangers co-dependents present to themselves. This one goes beyond to look at the less comfortable topics of co-dependents' tendency toward manipulation, promotion of disease in others, martyrdom, dishonesty, and pathological self-centeredness. As a professional who grew up in a seriously alcoholic home, I wish that I had read this book years ago to see the pay-off I was getting from organizing my life around the pretense that I was other people's answers. But despite the harsh realities Schaef points out (and simply and compellingly demonstrates), I was left with a sense that I was not being shamed or judged and that I had the freedom to do better. This book takes more character to digest than most books on the subject, and I suspect that its writing took manifestly more character than one assisting people to continue seeing themselves as victims. I recommend it without qualification.

Schaef has written many books on the subject of addictive behavior, and I've read most of them. This one puts forth her basic philosophy (which is that dysfunctional, addictive behaviors are part & parcel of our culture) in a slender volume that's easy to pick up & reread. Especially interesting is her theory that co-dependence is encouraged in our schools and churches. She presents her case with lots of examples, and with the kind of passion it would be easy for the unconvinced to laugh at, but I personally think she speaks a truth that many people might find uncomfortable to face.

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As I read the book, daily, I find myself continuously validated. The Maori believe as I do. So do the Irish, the Samoan, the Inupiat, the Aboriginal, the Blackfoot, the Hawaiian, the Swahili, the Lakota...and there is still so much for me to learn from them. All of these people have a reverence for life and incredibly generous spitits. The book shows us the common sense that we Westerners ignore in the favor of materialism, and shows us the wonderful sense of humor that Native Peoples have. This books has something for all of us in Western culture to learn from.

A "MUST", If you don't read it, you will miss something in your life. There is a lot to learn

I received it last year for Christmas and had to order it because I did not get it this year as a gift!! As an engineer and working mother of two - soon to be three, this calendar was awesome! I have many of last year's days cut out and posted at the office to remind me what is important in life. It has short motivational sayings for each day that made my life better. Thanks to the authors for something that is read in seconds but makes such an impact!!!!

Anne Wilson Schaef provides an insightful power analysis of the White Male System and compares it with the Female System. She demonstrates quite convincingly that while other systems outside the White Male System, such as the Female System, the African-American System, the Mexican-American System, and the Native American System, all have to be aware of both systems (their own as well as the White Male System) in order to survive, the White Male System, since it is in power, has no need to be aware of any other system than its own. Many of the points she brought up resonated with me, and I grew quite depressed as I realized my own complicity in struggling to fit in with the White Male System rather than embracing my own Female System.

"Women's Reality" is not a book about victimhood, however; its purpose is to bring about an awareness that there are different ways of relating with one another and that the White Male System is not "reality." Rather, as women, or anyone else who does not fit into the White Male System, we can create our own reality, and we are not required to adhere to the defensive, fearful White Male System dualistic paradigm of "my way or the highway." Ms. Schaef doesn't seek to topple the White Male System and replace it with another; rather, she seeks to bring about an awareness that multiple paradigms of relating with one another do indeed exist and should be respected for the value that each can bring to relationship-building in all its forms.

"Women's Reality" is not an advice or a how-to book; its greatest strength lies in bringing about an awareness of the cultural differences between men, women, and anyone else who doesn't fit neatly into the White Male System. I found it to be much more analytical and much less patronizing than "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." The phrase "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" has been so overused that it diminishes the very real differences that exist between men and women and turns them into a joke. "Women's Reality," written 10 to 15 years before "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" is a an analysis from a woman's perspective of what it means to be born to a second-class status behind men, and how we spend our lives trying to conform to the White Male System. The sad reality about "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" is that it perpetuates the idea that women should conform to the White Male System of relating. "Women's Reality," by comparison, recognizes that although we must be aware of how the White Male System operates in order to survive, it doesn't mean that we have to become caught up in it ourselves; there are alternatives.

This book can be pretty difficult to get into. The first couple of chapters are quite abstract, with the author writing about different realities and a pervasive White Male System that I felt was disconnected from my (White Male) worldview. However, the book becomes more and more grounded as it goes on, and the richness of Wilson Schaef's ideas do more than enough to redeem the awkward introduction.

For me, what the book does best is illustrate the benefits of shifting one's perspective. For instance, Wilson Schaef's take on responsibility: In her White Male System, responsibility is the targeting of blame, whereas in her Female System it is the willingness to respond. My own tendency in life has often been to associate responsibility with blame or burden, and so (especially at work) I often sought to avoid responsibility whenever possible. Learning to associate responsibility with "response," its etymological forebear, helped me to take on responsibilities at work and in relationships with more willingness and joy than I had previously thought possible. I'm sure some people will find such an association obvious and automatic, but for me it was not so.

There are several other similar philosophical gems in the book -- her discussion of "levels of truth" stands out, as does her perspectives on time, community, and family. The chapter on the Perfect Marriage, though it seemed too abstract at the time, has surprised me often in its connections with my own reality and ways of thinking.

The book's not perfect, by any means. Wilson Schaef is very locked into identity politics, and her "political correctness" has probably turned off many potential readers. Conservatives and libertarians will hate it, though many could probably get something from it. She also repeatedly claims that the White Male System is no better or worse than the Female System, but not once in the book does she point out anything positive about it. I found this annoying: if she's going to rip White Males (or our System), I'd rather she did it straightforwardly.

Those flaws aside, it's a good book, and well worth reading.

This book was recommended to me by a psychologist during a mid-life career crisis. As a pioneer in a traditionally male field (engineering), I thought I had a pretty good understanding of the effects of sexism on women's lives. This book opened my eyes to deeper levels of understanding.

Women really do have a different reality than men because our life experiences are substantially different. (The same is true for racial minorities.) In both our personal and professional lives, we struggle to adapt to and gain the approval of a rigid "alien" White Male Culture that discounts our unique perceptions and talents while insisting that we conform to limited stereotyped roles of its own choosing. In this constrained environment, most of us are only partially successful in reaching our goal of becoming whole, valued individuals. The resulting widespread personal and societal dysfunction harms us all -- men as well as women. What a waste.

A basic flaw in the White Male System is its closed-mindedness in thinking that it has all the anwers. Differences are seen as threats that must be annihilated. The world in becoming increasingly global in nature, and the toxic effects of this attitude will increase. To survive and prosper, our society must embrace and learn from other cultures, including minorities within the U.S. Diversity is a strength, not a weakness.

I only wish I had read this book many years ago. It is full of thrilling "Aha!" moments, as one truth after another is affirmed. I saw myself and many other people I know in its pages, and I now have a deeper understanding of our struggles and the reasons behind various life choices. The insight gained from this book could have saved me much frustration and battered self-esteem by placing my career struggles within a larger context. The Southern corporate culture is particularly deeply entrenched in extreme White Male System thinking, so beware!

I also found the "levels of reality" concept fascinating and plausible. It's exciting to see life as a progression of stages moving toward increased knowledge and maturity rather than as a narrow, stagnant rut.

Realization of the formidable obstacles we face makes the substantial progress women have made during the past three decades even more impressive. I wholeheartedly thank the author Anne Wilson Schaef and other feminist pioneers for moving us toward a more functional culture.

This book was helpful to me, although I felt the author was still working out her issues of control in her writing. The author spoke extensively about the 12 step program and how invaluable it was to recovery, but it seems that she is still stuck around two or three. Relinquishing self-will is vital to emotional development. Not only did the author try to suggest that polygamy was a much more acceptable and reasonable concept for relationships in the coming future, she refused to acknowledge God in her recitation of the twelve steps but instead chose to refer to him as a Process. Of course as an author she is entitled to write as she desires, but based on the topic on which she chose to write I was surprised at her single-minded desire to impose her views upon the reader, rather than offering the advice along with other alternatives and allowing the reader to decide

reading this short book has changed my life. i found myself detailed in practically every page. having experienced several failed relationships and a generally "unlucky in love" sort of life, i recognized myself in these profiles of sex, romance, and relationship addicts who form "pseudo relationships" that are designed to keep the addict from knowing her true self. Schaef, a recovered "pseudo relationship" addict, details all the tricks of this disease, which is a progressive and fatal addiction like all other addictions (drugs, alcohol).

if you think this statement sounds like malarky, read Schaef's book to see how true it is! Addiction serves to alter a person's mood or perception. This can be accomplished without drugs or alcohol. Relationship addiction is a "process addiction," whereby the addict spends his or her time focusing on an external stimulus (the relationship) instead of taking care of their Self! Most useful is Schaef's list of behaviors exhibit by sex, romance, or relationship addicts. I found myself in nearly every one!

This constellation of addictions is tricky to detect because the very skills to support the addiction "appear" to be relationship skills AS TAUGHT on tv, movies, in the general folklore of our culture. Which, as Schaef explains, is an addictive society, so it reinforces our addictive behaviors. These process addictions are VERY common, and at the heart of other conditions such as depression, anxiety, etc.

DO NOT BE FOOLED...cynics may read this review and find what I've written here to be self-help/new-age gibberish. Schaef's book is very short (158 pp.), extrememly readable, totally lucid, and very clearly organized, with information that builds on itself in an expert, lockstep manner.

I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who suffers in relationships. If you have failed relationship after failed relationship, or are in an abusive situation, or feel compelled to lie/cheat/distort the truth to maintain a relationship, or have any other self-realized behavior that you know is unhealthy but don't know what is "wrong," PLEASE READ THIS BOOK.

I believe this book will have a life-changing affect on anyone who reads it and relates to the information within. After all, the disease of addictive relationships is a disease of relating: we are not relating to people, but to our fantasies of what "relationships" SHOULD be.

Anne Wilson Schaef is one of those rare people with the gift of understanding women in modern American culture. The insight in her books is nothing short of genius.

I enjoyed listening to this tape in the car, after a stressing day. Often, it makes me cry. It speaks to my soul while my rest is still doing the things it is used to do, (eventhough they do not make too much sense). The acoustics could be improved.

We women are raised to take care of the world instead of ourselves. Kids, spouses, jobs, parents, organizations, volunteerism all take precedence in our lives over looking out for number one. What women don't realize that if we don't cut back some and take care of ourselves, we will crash, and who will be there to take care of all that we take care of now?

I bought this book after I coordinated a mini-convention, discovered my mother has cancer, my older cat had breast cancer surgery, and I was attending a class on how to deal with my husband's diabetes. With the holidays coming up, my stress levels were raising more than my cholesterol. Something had to give.

Every night this little gem of a book tells me that it's okay to let go, which was the same advice my best friend gave me the night I purchased it. I am not Wonder Woman, so why am I trying? Why do I feel the need to fix everyone and everything in my life except myself? This book will helps me uncover the behaviors affecting my life and then helps me change them.

You need this book. I'm buying three more copies for other women who need them.

As a university student I often find myself loaded with work, worries, and rushing. I read a few passages from this book every night to clear my mind, center my thoughts, and see that there is more to life than always being busy. It is wonderfully written and compiled. It applies to many aspects of a woman's life. You don't have to be religious, a mother, or a working woman to get great value from this book.

Oh boy....interesting analogy, but I believe that the cause of the woes of many organizations cannot be attributed to just this cause. For the sakes of an entertaining analogy it may entertain you.

The key insight I had when I read this book is that the behavior of organizations when they become "addictive" follows very predictable patterns. There is nothing unique about them. But to a society that is full of "addicts" who create addictive organizations, the principles revealed in this book will stir reactions and opposition. The book is almost too honest, and there lies its power. The book has many new insights and connections and is a lot of fun to read. I found myself chuckling often.

In many years in the Corporate life, I wanted the Company to understand that a lot of the problems management was having were caused by...surprise!...management.

This book is excellent in explaining to those of us who hate the insanity of corporate life what is happening and why, and possible remedies.

If you are working, or are listening to a friend or loved one complain over and over about office politics and craziness of different bosses, this book is a great read.

Even the authors, however, will tell you not to expect the Company to listen. They might nod and buy the book, pass them around HR and so on, but in essence, most mid- to large-sized corporations are so big that their dysfunctional behavior cannot be taken apart without the whole thing unfolding. (Or at least, that's what they believe, and so the urge to hold on).

The CEO of a dysfunctional company won't appreciate the insight that each company is as healthy or as ill as their top leader - the further away she/he gets from the goings on, the less s/he may be aware of this, and the less willing to hear this.

My advise is to read the book but expect no "cures". Reading this book helped my sanity (I took early retirement). Anyone suffering inside a corporation can start questioning, seriously, if they want to stay in this dysfunctional "family" (there may not be much of a choise)and if they can get out, start planning. Even if retirement or leaving is years away, planning helps. Get a life outside the Company. Also read "Crazy Bosses" and other books by Anne Wilson Schaef.

Speaking for the 2001 version of this calendar - I was extremely disappointed in its content. Most of the entries were repetitive and completely laughable in corniness. They practically implied that all women are neurotic psychological messes who avoid complete meltdown only by conferring with other such women as their nail polish dries.

We look forward to reading each days message. Some bring a smile, others remembrances; all bring reflection and agreement.

I love this calendar! 2001 has not even started yet, but I am already looking forward to the great insights and affirmations that are here! So worth the 5 stars!