Ms. Scarf presented various case studies of families in various orders of emotional disarray and distress, and provides solutions to patterns that develop in families. Her categories are helpful and she makes us rethink our behavior in the family setting- how are we hurting the ones we love?

This book was responsible for my seeking treatment for depression over 20 years ago. I happened to pick it up thinking it applied to my wife and recognized the symptoms of depression in myself instead. I was supprised to find it still in print after 20 years which I would think is pretty good evidence of it's value. As the title suggests, this book is aimed at women but the points she makes apply to men as well. It is well grounded in legitmate psychololgy though it may be somewhat dated now. Certainly the anti-depressants mentioned are no longer widely used if at all. Still it is a valuable book well worth reading. It isn't do-it-yourself therapy but it may help some people understand when to look for help.

As a homeschool mother, I want my child to enjoy the learning process. I have been delighted with the Step-Up series and Benjamin Franklin has been no exception. They are written in an straight forward, but not dumbed down, manner. My daughter and I got the high points of Franklin's life, as well as the ideals he stood for, in a lively, interesting format.

I would have preferred more pictures; but that's just me!

This is a great book for any child from 2nd grade to 4th grade to read. It is in large print which makes it easy for children to read. This book highlights all the main accomplishments and events of Benjamin Franklin's life. It is very interesting and will hold a young child's attention from the begining until the end of the book. I really enjoyed the way it covered his whole life, not just when he started making great inventions, like most books. It was one of my favorite books when I was in elementary school.

I sat down with this book imagining that I'd gain some insight to use in my own marriage. But I could not find much that was pertinent to my own life.

For one thing, the author traces most or all marital problems to
personality and role conflicts in one's family of origin. Life experiences which may have occured before marriage but outside the family of origin are simply passed over, as if they were invisible and did not count.

In the same way, there is silence about the multiple outside forces which may negatively impact the life of a family. Poverty, illness, layoffs, social injustice, none of these are discussed, probably because the couples in this book are financially cushioned against harsh troubles like these.

The more worldly reader may wonder why these couples imagine they have "problems" if their biggest conflicts consists only of who will carry the toilet brush into the first of their THREE bathrooms! Why don't they just hire someone underprivileged so they can get on with their privileged lives?

Anyway, there are a lot of words in this book, but in my opinion, they describe a fairly narrow set of experiences. I was particularly disappointed that more time was not spent on the massive changes that can take place in a marital relationship once children arrives. Especially when the weight of childcare and housework falls more heavily on the woman's shoulders.

There are a lot of omissions which may make this book meaningless for readers outside a certain social class.

I first read this book back in the late 80's - and I have never forgot the lessons I learned from it. I was also reading Harriet Lerner and Melody Beattie at the time and felt that Scarf's writings supported my self-development to understand: 1. Why I continued to attracted relationships that were toxic and unfulfilling, 2. How to recognize the patterns, and then 3. How to not make the same relationship mistakes masked in different people. It definitely made a huge impact on how I viewed my family of origin and it made me look at my own actions and behaviors with new insight. I have referred this book to my clients, as it is an engaging read with the case studies setting up Scarf's insights into the behaviors that transcend our own personal experiences. I highly recommend this book.

Good stories of partners and their conflicts.... As I've seen when doing couples therapy, we do indeed tend to carry each other's unacknowledged "stuff"...which of course is part (not all!) of the initial attraction, the unconscious logic asking: who can give this back to me? Krishnamurti had a nice image: relationships as mirrors.