We had been looking for a good bar mitzvah memory book for our son's upcoming celebration, and someone gave us an advance copy of this book. It is really excellent! Rather than on focussing on the celebration and party piece of it, it gets families to think about the important spiritual and religious aspects of the rite of passage. I like the fact that you can put photos in the book, and that there is a space for the bar mitzvah speech as well. The art direction is particularly beautiful. I cannot wait to give it to my son!

Having seen an advance copy of this latest work by Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin and the first work co-authored with his wife Nina, I must commend this work to all families observing this rite of passage in our Jewish tradition. This beautiful volume helps families focus on all the right things about Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Its emphasis on the spiritual aspects provides both child and all family members with a keepsake that can be cherished through the years. From layout to graphics to paper to content, this volume for memories is itself indeed memorable.

There are any number of books which are designed to help you plan the logistics of a bar/bat mitzvah. This book's main purpose, however, is not to be a party planning guide. Instead, this book reaffirms the important commitment a bar/bat mitzvah makes to Judism. A party is fine but truly connecting with God, our people and our ancestors is what the experience is all about. The bar/bat mitzvah experience is explored in a very spiritual, meanful way but not necessarily from the orthodox standpoint. Indeed, the authors are non orthodox. I recommend this book to all who wish to make the bar/bat mitzvah a meaningful means to grow as a Jew rather than as an end in itself.

This book should be read by every parent whose child is approaching bar/bat mitzvah. Too often, the significance of the occasion is lost in the "big party". This book focuses on what is important about the bar/bat mitzvah-about accepting responsibilities such as study and performing mitzvot, about the service and about keeping the celebration in perspective. It focuses on the spiritual as it should and helps pull away from the social aspects that often overwhelm the true meaning of bar/bat mitzvah.

As an adult preparing for bat mitzvah, this book was much too basic for me. I also attend synagogue regularly, and most of this stuff is routine from the service.

While this book was well written, it is for novices and non-attendees and their children.

I do not have a title to recommend for adults preparing for bar/bat mitzvah.

I'm amazed at how much information the author managed to get into this book, written with the guideance of Rabbis, cantors and educators frm the Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist movements. If you hate reading pages of useless information and are looking for a well-researched, tightly written guide for preparing for and celebrating a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, I doubt you'll find many books better than this one. In addition to the basics you'd expect to find (Planning, Budgeting, the Ceremony), there are also special sections on interfaith and divorced families, what questions to ask about preparation (what a timesaver!), lessons and tips from families and teens who have completed Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremonies, making the Theme meaningful, whether or not to use a party planner, tips for families with special needs children and more.

I have never written one of these "reviews" for amazon.com before, but I feel compelled to share with readers this fantastic, absolutely indispensable book. If you are planning a bar or bat mitzvah for your child or grandchild, or know of a family that is planning this important coming of age ceremony for their child, this book is for you. My daughter became Bat Mitzvah several years ago, and I really wish this book had been around when we were going through the experience. It is such a valuable guide! I gave the book as a gift to a close friend, and he said that it helped his family create a truly meaningful experience for all of them, in planning the service for his daughter's becoming Bat Mitzvah. The book is designed to help families "cope" with the myriad details involved in planning for this wonderful family life cycle event. The book is particularly sensitive to interfaith, divorced, and alternative families, and their unique needs and experiences.

There is also a particularly wonderful chapter on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience for a special needs child. What I particularly like about the book is the fact that it contains contributed chapters from rabbis, cantors, educators, sociologists, and other experts- and even parents and teens- all of whom share their unique perspectives. This isn't one person's "philosophy", but rather a compendium of insights, ideas, and advice. The cover of the book says "How to manage the process with grace, joy and good sense". The book succeeds in that, and I can't imagine anyone planning a Bar/Bat Mitzvah for their child without this handy family guide!

Rabbi Salkin, 45, is the Senior Rabbi at the Community Synagogue on Long Island, NY. Because he found there were more "bars" than "mitzvahs" in modern bar/bat mitzvah celebrations, he authored the popular "Putting God on the Guest List." He also penned a book on how to bring God and tikkun olam into your worklife. It's an easy hop from worklife to manhood, and just as attention must be paid to Willy Loman, attention should be paid to Jewish manhood. And I don't mean joining the Promise Keepers, rooting for "Goldberg the Wrestler," or reading Susan Faludi's "Stiffed."

Salkin derives the book's title from the Bible story of Joseph. Jacob sent his cloistered son, Joseph, out to the field to find his brothers... Salkin faces and poses several questions, which will whet your appetite for a good read. What did Joseph, dressed in his dandy coat of many colors, find? Why and for what was he searching? Was Joseph the quintessential Jewish male, who stayed at home while his brothers were in the fields? Was he like wimpy Jewish men who stereotypically don't know how to repair things, who read Outside Magazine rather than actually climb Everest? Do Jewish men cry? Did Joseph or King David cry? Is Yiddish the language of Irvings, Mendels and weakness? Is Hebrew the language of the strong Ehud's? Why are Jewish men portrayed as mice in Art Speigelman's Maus? Why did Bialik portray Jewish men as powerless cowards during the Kishinev pogrom? Why is the wicked son in the Middle Age Haggadah a soldier, and the good son a sage? Is a sedentary Jacob less masculine than the hunter Esau? Was Ishmael more manly than Isaac, since he was circumcised at 13 and not at 8 days? Was Isaac such a wimp that Eliezer had to find him a wife? Did the destruction of the Temple emasculate Jewish men? On the TV series, "Mad About You", why does the Paul Reiser character rely on the Bruce Willis character to show him how to be a tough, brawny male? Must we be like Macabees to be men? Why did the rabbi's ridicule the Masada zealots, the Macabees, and Bar Kochba. How does circumcision relate to a working man's balance between work and family? Is it a sin to read Playboy in Jerusalem?

These are some of the questions that Salkin explores. Mixing Jewish history with is personal tales of sportsmanship, getting beat up as a newspaper boy, getting harassed on MSNBC, or getting harangued by a synagogue search committee chairman, Salkin helps Jewish men define masculinity, power, and issues of work, discrimination, love, libido, lust, image, circumcision, ambition, decency, pleasure, and whether God (Avinu Malkeynu) is a male, and whether it matters.

Shortly after becoming Bar Mitzvah recently, my son asked, "what does it mean to be a REAL man, dad?" For an instant, I wondered if he was insinuating that he'd never met one.

The first words that came to mind were those spoken to be by my Grand-Father in a similar conversation some 30 years ago ... "Don't confuse an erection with your manhood."

Thanks to Rabbi Salkin's book, the conversation with my son has gone far beyond my Grandad's one liner. "Searching For My Brother" had a profound impact upon me. I find myself drawn back to it, rereading passages over and over, highlighting items for discussion with my son.

This invaluable book is more than a compelling and thought provoking read ... it is not just a Manual for being a Mensch ... but also for raising one!

Rabbi Salkin uses Torah, Talmud, Midrash and personal anecdotes to draw a wonderful picture of Judiasm's view of a "real man" ... stressing life in which work, family, prayer and even sex, live in balanced harmony.

Perhaps most powerful are Rabbi Salkin's personal experiences with Anti-semitism ... one sided run-ins with local thugs as an adolescent, and a potentially humiliating experience on national TV.

What's more, Rabbi Salkin's thorough analysis of Jewish manhood is a mere 246 pages. I found it a fast, yet entertaining and powerful.

Perhaps the best thing I can say about Searching For My Brothers is that I intend to deliver copies to my brothers.

Thanks again Rabbi Salkin!

It's a wonderful book! I probably used up an entire pen, noting the passages that were especially meaningful, instructive, inspiring. Of course, since I'm a rabbi, I'll get a sermon of two out of it, but more important, it really spoke to me as a Jewish man. I hope that the book will be widely read, and that other Jewish men will feel as cared for as I did when reading it.

I particularly liked way Rabbi Salkin inter-wove poignant personal history with meaningful, gently delivered, easily digested scholarship. Great job.

This version of Putting God on the Guest List is the perfect companion to the adult version. We liked it so much that we started a fund at our synagogue so that every child beginning the bar or bat mitzvah process receives a copy. In an era where the party has become more important than the ritual, this book help focus a child on the religious importance of his coming of age. A wonderful read.

In the frenzy of preparing for the big day, it can be easy to lose the focus and meaning of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Many kids may wonder "What is this really all about? Why am I doing this?" This inspiring, clearly-written book urges kids to think about the deeper meaning of the ceremony and of being a Jew. The emphasis is on spirituality and being mindful of God's presence everyday. I especially liked the section with suggestions and resources for acts of tzedakah as well as little mitzvahs.