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Also of particular interest is the post-production section dealing with the public's reaction to the movie and the section on the Premiere. This is a great book to add to your personal library.
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Does passion always fade? Do we need to choose relationships at the base of the pyramid of needs-- passionless but sustaining, predictable but safe? Can we ever sustain that passion that we feel at the beginning of a relationship?
What Mitchell says (with quiet authority that makes me believe him) is that yes, we can, if we are brave enough to really want that to happen. What he argues is that passion, while desirable, is ultimately quite threatening and that it takes both personal mastery and courage to be willing to let it into your life. Mitchell asserts that it is not romance which is the illusion, it is safety which is the illusion. Romance is the thing which brings the reality of the world to us-- with all its danger and complexity. Safety is a veil which we throw over others potentially close to us to keep them from coming close enough to hurt.
Mitchell created a readable book which should appeal to professionals in the field as well as ordinary folk looking for some answers to complicated problems. He builds his arguments carefully using a combination of prior work and original thinking derived from his practice and patients.
Very impressive, thought provoking, and blessedly free from overly complicated language.
Dr. Mitchell, who died suddenly in 2000 at the age of 54, founded the journal Psychoanalytic Dialogues and was renowned for his work in relational psychoanalysis, which features a more collaborative approach than traditional psychoanalysis. As Mitchell's widow, Margaret Black, C.S.W., points out in her foreword to the book, when it comes to his analysis of relationships, "Freud's formulations have not been particularly helpful, certainly not very optimistic."
A shame, really, since it is love, according to Mitchell, that makes life worth living. But nurturing love is no easy task since, as he points out in his introduction, "Modern life, at all points on the socioeconomic scale, is difficult, draining, and confusing." That's where his book comes in, offering guidance on how to look at the differences between love and desire, and how to have both in a relationship; doing so with prose that is often illuminating and even poetic. Describing the need for both security and adventure in a relationship, Mitchell writes, "Romantic passion emerges from the convergence of these two currents," which are "at once both erotic and sacred."
Based on modern divorce rates, Mitchell argues modern relationships are "based on fantasies of permanence." Although we seek committed relationships for security, in reality, rather than safe, these relationships are actually dangerous. "Love, by its very nature, is not secure;" Mitchell concludes, although "we keep wanting to make it so." The key to Mitchell's approach to making love last lies in acknowledging this danger exists and harnessing its energy to restore desire and passion through spontaneity and romance.
He makes a good point when he argues it is curious how separated couples often resolve to recover their "lost youth" through reckless abandon, when in reality, during their youth they longed for commitment and security. Hence, one's youth was not "lost," but willfully abandoned. And when he takes this premise one step further, it stands to reason that within a relationship, we actually avoid adventure for fear of destabilizing our comfort and security. Subconsciously, it's a Catch-22 situation.
The book can be slow going at times, but only because Mitchell's theories - understandably so, given the complexity of human dynamics - are complicated. But if you take the time to sort through them, the rewards could be significant.
It's a fantasy most of us have shared: the-knight-in-shining-armour boy meets his girl-princess; girl marries boy and they live happily ever after. But in the real world, "back in our imagined castle, both the knight and the damsel, alas, often lose their allure." The most common reaction is to deduce that we have been deceived - that the knight was no knight, or the princess was no princess - which is often the "safest" recourse since blaming the other partner precludes the need to look at oneself.
When a patient not named Carl entered therapy with Dr. Mitchell, he discovered that although he still cherished his wife's many admirable qualities he could no longer tell her so since doing so would leave him vulnerable. To him, it would feel like "begging" because "He had come to feel that his stalwart performance as husband had earned him the right to her love. To approach her appreciatively or seductively would be to renounce those claims."
Coming back to the "danger" in a long-term relationship theme, Mitchell explains "falling out of love" with your partner can be a defense mechanism, and "What is so dangerous about desiring someone you have is that you can lose him or her." Especially revealing is the fact that our "ever-intensifying fascination with celebrities seems to feed our hunger for idealization and our fear of its consequences by glorifying and then exposing and destroying our 'stars.'"
At least one age-old question ("Why do opposites attract?") is finally answered here. According to Mitchell, "Opposites attract because they are inversions of each other, the same thing in different forms." If Harry is attracted to Sally because she is outgoing while he is shy, it could be because Harry also has a desire to be outgoing but has suppressed that desire.
When it comes to other advice, Mitchell says it's okay to be "made for each other" as long as you don't take it too far, for "fantasies of perfect harmony and synchrony can be enormously destructive if taken too seriously, as a steady expectation, rather than a transient, episodic connection." But the answers Mitchell offers to his question, "Can love last?" aren't always altogether romantic; especially his advice that "the capacity to love over time entails the capacity to tolerate and repair hatred."
At last, he suggests that instead of doing something to improve our relationships, "Time might be better spent on reflecting on what one is already doing!" "Spontaneity," he notes, is discovered not through action but through refraining from one's habitual action and discovering what happens next." And although "Desire and passion cannot be contrived," they "occur in contexts, and we have a good deal to do with constructing contexts in which desire and passion are more or less likely to arise."
Many of the case studies in the book - although sometimes perverse - are utterly fascinating, and Mitchell has taken relationship theory to a new level.
Mitchell suggests most relationships don't last because of romantic love. If romantic love exists at all in a long-term relationship, most of the time it does so in spite of other key factors that hold the couple together. In other words, there are many 'ties that bind' and most if not all kill romantic interest.
The most common motivation for coupling is the perceived need for security most people associate with connectedness to another person. Romance is not associated with security, however, it is associated with risk and unknowing. In the end, the need to acquire security via knowing all the details about the beloved, i.e. objectivity or elimination of the 'unknown', overwhelms romantic love. Generally, individuals who grew up in chaotic situations have an excessive need eliminate the unknown and are therefore very likely to kill romantic love.
Dr. Mitchell provides a number of case histories in his book to illustrate his key points -- ideas others have explored that he presents in a fresh and unique way. In the end, he seems to side with the existentialist Sarte who suggested that security is an illusion since death intervenes in every life. Dr. Mitchell asks, will you regret the things you did or did not do in your effort to secure your life? To truly live, one must work past the last illusion.
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Some of Atlanta's most prominent citizens thought they knew who Mitchell's models were and where they had lived. The regent of a local D.A.R. chapter told Mitchell who she had been talking about in her book. In 1939, using Gone With The Wind as his sole guide, the distinguished Atlanta historian Franklin M. Garrett published the location of Scarlett's Peachtree mansion in an Atlanta newspaper. The new mega-star Mitchell responded to Garrett's model by denying the content of her published work to heap scorn on the historian and to silence him on the subject of Gone With The Wind models for the next fifty-six years.
From Hardman's work it appears that
Mitchell's famous characters and their homes were indeed drawn from life; further, it appears that when writing Gone With The Wind, Mitchell plagiarized the published work of another Atlanta writer, Miss Ella May Powell (1863-1955).
Margaret Mitchell's Models in Gone With The Wind seriously questions the veracity of Margaret Mitchell's statements concerning the origins of her famous novel and brings to light a persuasive and heretofore unknown literary model for Gone With The Wind; explores Margaret Mitchell's early reputation and history of plagiarism, dating from her school days at Washington Seminary, and inquires into the sensitive race issue by recording a fresh sub-text of anti-Semitic sentiment.
Here is literary skulduggery of the highest order. Hardman's unique view of Mitchell and her work is very much that of the ultimate insider. His fascinating portrait of Mitchell as an irreverent chain-smoker addicted to hard pornography is startling.
END
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Marsh argues with her publisher about issues like the name of the heroine and the title of the book, which she had originally titled TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. She had named Scarlett "Pansy" in her original manuscript. When controversy arises over her description of the desecration of Confederate cemetaries by Federal troops, she reveals her sources of information as well as her surprise that the question should come up at all!
Adventures and misadventures with the filming of the book (rumors that she would cast the film caused wild complications in her life), the fame that makes her so uncomfortable, problems concerning the writing, publication and success of GWTW -- all combine to make this an unusual and utterly fascinating picture of one of America's foremost writers.
Mitchell had what she called "a passionate desire for personal privacy." That passion shows in these letters, along with a touch of Scarlett O'Hara and a smidgen of Melanie Wilkes. GWTW devotees (and possibly those who aren't fans, too) will enjoy this glimpse of the double-edged sword of success and its effect on Margaret Mitchell Marsh.