Are you a new mother who finds yourself feeling angry all the time? Are you having a hard time reconciling Motherhood into your self-concept? Read this book! Basically a sociology book, "The Mask of Motherhood" explores the reasons why this generation - the 30 and 40 somethings - are having the most difficult time in history adjusting to the demands of parenting. Like it or not, we are the unwilling guinea pigs of the Feminist Experiment. We are the first generation raised to expect much more out of life than just home and children. Our higher expectations make it tough for us to handle the almost complete sacrifice of self that caring for an infant or small child requires. This book doesn't offer any answers, but the glaringly honest examination of the reasons behind this problem will make you think - and reassure you that you're not the only one feeling this way!

Susan Maushart tells it like it is--everything from how labor KILLS to how basically impossible it is to combine a career and motherhood (that is, you can do it, but you can't do both equally well and without a lot of pain), to how a good marriage and parenthood pretty much don't go together.

I'm oversimplifying what she has so painstakingly researched and written of course--the book is eloquent and thorough. Her theme throughout is not how terrible motherhood is, but what a monumental and difficult achievement it is, and how women need to not be afraid to tell it like it is, so mothers around the world can get recognition and validation for their experiences (and not feel like they are crazy). I think she opens up some terribly important arguments, issues that have been kept way too quiet. And it does alot to validate mothers who might otherwise be thinking "Am I the only one feeling this way?" For these reasons, it's definitely worth reading.

As a warning, though, I found the book's tone a bit pessimistic by the time I got through the 200+ pages. I think Maushart takes it for granted that we KNOW motherhood is a joy, a meaningful experience, so she doesn't spend alot of time elaborating on the merits of motherhood. Most of the writing is, instead, on the fallouts of motherhood--the alarming rate of mental illness among new mothers, the depressing statistics of even liberated men who don't help out, etc. When there are exceptions--women who coast through labor, or men who help out equally--she makes it sound as if they are the "oddballs" (an actual word she uses in that context) and that this is not something you should realistically hope for. So especially if you're not a mom, it's easy to finish the book feeling, "God, motherhood sounds awful!" even though you know this is not her point.

A more upbeat and lighthearted (and balanced) book on the joys and agonies of motherhood is the Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving Your First Year of Motherhood.

I have survived the first year of my first child's life (barely) and thought that no one else must be feeling what I do. What a relief to read an honest, intelligent book that shatters the masks all us mothers wear. People often say that having a child completely changes your life. They are wrong. It completely ENDS your life, and you begin a new life. Susan Maushart articulates the fears and hardships of this huge adjustment with much wit and insight. I cannot recommend this book enough to those mothers out there who are feeling conflicted and/or downright depressed. You are not alone and although there are no concrete "solutions" to what you are feeling, just knowing that it is ok to feel it is a help.

I had some great expectations for this book and was not disappointed...until about halfway through the book, when I lost interest in being told the same thing over and over again by a woman who seems to have had a really bad second marriage.

The premise of the book, that marriage is a better deal for men than women, makes sense for all of the reasons Maushart illustrates. Women (even full-time employed women) still do an inordinate amount of housework, child care, and emotional caretaking as compared to their husbands, even in our "egalitarian" society. Maushart explains that marriage is one institution that has not caught up to the ideals of equality espoused throughout our culture.

The tone of Maushart's asides put me off, however. This woman has a chip on her shoulder, which is fine except that it sounds as though she really believes all men fit into her stereotypes. Even when she concedes that some men help out quite a bit, she'll throw in "but really we know that's not true." I found myself wondering whether this book was written to refer to an older generation (I'm 26). Even though she refers to many, many recent studies, I just don't know more than one peer couple whose home life reflects these massive inequalities. It certainly isn't the case in my home.

My opinion in the end is that I found much of this book hard to relate to, much as I wanted to. I am quite a feminist, very interested in women's studies. However, Maushart lost me along the way. I really can't recommend buying it--just read the first chapter or two while you're at the bookstore and you've gotten the point of the whole book.

"Wifework" makes it clear why women file for divorce better 70 percent of the time. In a day and age when abut half of first marriages fail and second marriages fare even worse, reading "Wifework" explains it all. Men like marriage because it serves them well. Women wake up one morning and realize they're doing more than their share trying to make it work. The stars in their eyes are replaced with the quesion, "Why do I need this?" and they realize they don't. Women can support themselves without a husband. They can buy a house or a car, all by themselves. They can have and raise children without a man, too. Read the book, ladies and tell me if you don't say, "Right On!!!"

After 30 years of marriage, I've decided that men and women don't view wifehood the same. In fact, they're entirely different perspectives altogether, and if any book can enlighten women to this fact - and men - way before they marry, both will be able to choose partners who may be able to live up to their unique expectations of what they each seek. It's about time we had books devoted to wife hood rather than motherhood since the largest majority of women's lives are spent within the conflicts of wife hood rather than motherhood. Somehow motherhood comes naturally; wife hood doesn't necessarily, particuarly, where duties are not evenly dispersed, freedom is curtailed because of those duties, and the amount of glue to hold families together is often borne by women alone, often because of their willingness to sacrifice in order to provide an environment in which their children may thrive. The importance of this is not solely because of romance but instead because raising children as a single parent alone is a very difficult job by either spouse. To date, society has yet to conquer the burdens of biology where women can comfortably work and receive similar rewards men receive, and to find a suitable outlet for all of the energy and muscle that is unique to men, that often results in aggressive conduct up to and including wars as they challenge their older contemporaries. This of course doesn't include the peculiar problems where it shows up as domestic violence and emotional harm to those so readily available to be overpowered, their wives and children. If we could conquer our own biology with understanding of its demands, we might be able to live peacably together cross gender and cross country. It might not hurt our government relations either in lieu of the competitive sideshows to which we are treated as simulating performance.