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John High's novel is a memorial triptych for a lover and soul-mate. Landscape, intense longing, eros, her slow dying, and his sorrow blend and become one. THE DESIRE NOTEBOOKS achieves for John High the true vision of an author-to painstakingly extract lessons, morals, and insights from his soul and transpose them to text. He tells the story of the Russian struggle of inner life not only through his central protagonists but also through the forsaken landscape. The central characters and their honed interior longings, reflected in the stark and sprawling landscape of Siberia, give the book intellectual depth and weight. The prose is precisely rendered. It is intelligent, sensitive, and passionate writing in the tradition of Pessoa, Duras, Figes, Cortazar, Maso, and Calvino.
"Sitting so close and only touching...He wanted to lay her down and enter her. Immediately. Possess her. Instead he went to the toilet and glanced out the window. His ghost like her ghost...Later when he told her of his masturbation, she suggested it was only male heat, intoxication, a restlessness... It came to her in the next day that if she stopped her meditation, perhaps she could let him possess her. The way a man wants to possess a woman. But she masturbated in the public latrine in order to sustain the desire while keeping him distant and fluent in her imagination. That way she thought...the absence of a personal history would better suit him on the next journey...[then] her stroking him from behind on the thigh, saying-it's all right now. We should sleep together."
It is desire. "If one has not known the passion which takes this form, physical desire, one knows nothing," said Duras. It is a tumultuous desire, balanced between her living and dying, inextricable from her dying; a desire calling the central characters down thoroughfares to spiritual parts of themselves, permitting them to see their eternal selves waiting.
It is obsession, the central characters' obsession with wisdom and with each other, and with their need to listen to each other, suffer, console, kiss, caress.
"The truth of her death would suggest more, yet he could not comprehend it. Anymore than he could understand the dreams A doubling of his own past. A sky, whitened out like snow. Like a page. A vanishing countryside. And more wine as they traveled on their way. A history once overlooked is not forgotten, she said, shaking his arm and kissing him. Reveal facts, buried feelings...is this what she had whispered when he touched the blackness on her throat?"
High's novel is a work of eros-subtle, challenging, unpredictable, and at the same time, empowering with emotions and passion, and infusing all aspects of human life.
It is violence:
"Read me more, she had beseeched him on the trains. Read me more she begged after he placed his coat around her naked shoulders, carried her away from the men who were still pulling up the trousers of their uniforms at the border."
It is learning the definition of love:
"Love doesn't mean to look at one another, you know-but in the same direction."
And it is memoir, the genre which turns life into art by permitting only versions of any experience to be told:
"Trying to reconstruct the events would be impossible. So let memory have them. She had told him this as they walked across the white beach."
THE DESIRE NOTEBOOKS portrays the frightening immensity (culture, eros, vision, desire) of the human soul. You read one page, then another and another. You watch the light sweep in, find you are on the threshold of your world within.


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"Reading Ecclesiastes & O dear what can the matter be. A sky populated with migrating pink birds. Such pinkness! "popsickles & gasoline" #10 The Sasha Poems
Jazz riffs and prophecy, fairy tales and dialogues with angels, this poetry has much in common with music and prayer. Images of burnt angels,monasteries, birds, lakes, snow: set in the here and now, in Russia, in America but nowhere in particular. John High's selected writings appeal to the right brain where love and loss and grief are registered as feelings not only symbols.
Nothing is explained. The voice addresses, the child, our sister,Jimmy, Charlie. The voices of poets past, Rilke, Mandelstam, Goethe,Lorca, outside time, echo from across space like a longing for home, the return of angels to their bright place, a touch of mysticism grounded in the senses and the mud of sex. "She reminded me. Dark shore of her shoulders like the muddy bank of nowhere left to run. When she buckled her legs around my waist, I just wanted to die there, let the wind carry our shadows." Sometimes, like the language of children, the words seem pulled out of the subconscious, illogical, birds and moon colliding because itappears that way. Are they parables or fables? "The smoke and fish and living, are they not the same, papa?" A child's voice but not a child's questions. So much of this writing is like a vision of the burning bush,there is no point of reference that says, this is god's voice speaking but
you feel moved by it. How to read these signs?
High parts the curtains of the concrete world to reveal a Mad Hatters vision, a speaking in tongues not always comprehensible, but on rereading,words leap like sparks in a brush fire, illuminating briefly the world he sees, the dead and the living in conversation. A bit like the Little Prince discussing pictures of sheep in boxes or elephants inside of boa constrictors, with grownups. It depends on the construct you bring to it,how you look at it, what you see. This book demands you leave the boundaries behind. Its uniqueness requires fresh eyes, and open heart. It will surprise you.
Jennifer Boire >>