Harville Hendrix keeps your attention with this lecture and workshop. Not only theory but also practical information about the influence of our past experiences on our selection of a marriage partner. A workshop with audience members demonstrates in concrete ways the technique of supporting spouses and understanding one's reaction to your partner. I fully ascribe to his thesis that marriage is necessary to explore our potential and developing into that person we can be.

As a Certified Imago Therapist, I use this book with all the couples I see. It provides an overview of Imago Therapy, organizes it into 6 sessions, and provides clear instructions for learning the skills that create a safe and passionate relationship. This book includes the curriculum of the training Imago Therapists receive at the cost of thousands of dollars. Although the book was written for therapists, it is easily accessible to anyone interested in improving their relationship.

This book is filled with wonderful advice in a short-story format that is mind-opening and easy to read. I could easily relate aspects of my life to many of the issues discussed and the insight and experience of the authors was communicated with a rational common sense approach. The blend of humor and practical advice make this a book that I will refer to time and again.

If you are at a point in your life where you need fundamental change I congratulate you on your good fortune at finding this book. It will deepen your relationship with life.

It is written by fellow travelers that have all the dark corners and blazing heights as the rest of us all too often confused pilgrims. The difference is that they have had the discipline, perseverance, and single-minded focus that all too many of us don't seem to muster in large enough doses. They have taken their innate intelligence and expanded it into understanding and wisdom sprinkled with wit, insight, and compassion.

Read this book!

You know all of those self-help books, the ones you read so that you can gain a better understanding of yourself?And once you read them you feel WORSE than you did before? Well, this book isn't one of those. After reading Robert and Jane Alter's book, cover-to-cover, I discovered a calmness, a peaceful feeling that no other book has ever given to me. In reading, I discovered that I am not alone in the many situations that life has visited upon me, and that there is a window that, when ready, anyone can climb through and find him or herself in a more tranquill place. Thank you, Robert and Jane, for a loving, spiritual, affirming and educational look at reality.

As someone who has been in love several times, I can tell you that it's very difficult to get over someone who has been so special to you. We all know this, of course. This book has given me the understanding of what it takes to ensure that I carefully look at each relationship, understand what has happened, and use that knowledge to make the next relationship stronger and more likely to succeed.

I've met someone, he's terrific, and I'm feeling much more confident that things will work out. Or at least, I will be more aware of what I am doing and the end result will be one of understanding rather than confusion and hurt.

Every failed relationship in my life, and there have been a few, had one thing in common - Me! That's not to say that it's been my fault, but the book enables you to look at those relationships, understand them, and utilize that knowledge to make the next one that much better.

This book has helped me change the way I view relationships. It helped me to stop placing blame on the other person and take a good look at myself. This has brought understanding and acceptance of my divorce. I wish I would have had this book before I got married but I probably would have never read it. I have never read a self help book in my life. It would have helped me to grow and better understand myself and my future partners I select. You must do the exercises slowly to get the full benefit. I will reread this book again in order to absorb all the information.

Over the past five years, I have reread KTLYF and redone all the exercises several times (I'm midway through the fourth now). Each time, I learn more about myself and my relationships. Each time, I am enlightened by some new insight or gratified to see my hypotheses validated. KTLYF applies real, complex psychology principles in a way that lay people can understand. It's not easy. You are asked to do exercises to uncover yourself. If you don't do the exercises, the book will be of little value. The fastest I've ever been through the process has been a month of working on it several hours a day. But every minute is worth the time and the effort. I can see why I've made the choices I've made; I can see that they actually make sense; I don't need to beat myself up for making them. I am aware. And that awareness is a giant step toward healing and finding the type of love I seek. This is the best self-help book I've ever read.

I ordered this book expecting your typical sex manual/self-help guide. It is so much more than that. It deals with all the aspects of the Kama Sutra including the emotional link required to make this work.
I loved this book.

My mom bought this book for me as a going away to college gift last fall. I thought it was kind of dumb and didn't read it.
Then my girlfriend began talking about the Kama Sutra and i remembered that I had this book. Over semester break, I read it and so did my girlfriend and all I can say is - I learned more than I ever imagined about sex and how to talk about problems in a relationship. This book was great. And sex is better than I ever dreamed.

I've been interested in Kama Sutra and Tantra and reading over the years. I also have bought a few Idiot's Guides. This is really well written and covers the Kama Sutra in a clear and easy to read style. What I found really helpful is that this book includes relationship skills that are what you would go to a therapist or class to learn. My partner and I use the exercises in this book because they are fun and easy and they make us more aware.

The love here reminds me of the 2 love stories in the novel Defenders of the Holy Grail. The main thing is LISTENING, and being clear about expectations. Hendix' ideas are a bit dated with his childhood theory, but there is a lot of useable technique included in this book.

This book taught me a lot about myself and the way that I acted on relationships. You should defienitely consider reading this book even though you think that you are in a great relationship...you can always make it better.

Maria Isabel
Guatemala, CA

If you think, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is good, then this book is the ultimate. If you'll follow her techniques word for word, you will definitely get results. Every mother should give her daughter this book for sound advice on getting and keeping the love you want. It explains beautifully, how the anatomy of a relationship is like dancing the tango in the sense of connecting , disconnecting and reconnecting. The author employs very practical smart heart skills to apply to breathing life and love back into marriages that have lost their luster and courtships that are not moving in the direction of commitment. I promise that this book will be well worth it's investment many times over. Forget your therapist. This book is all you'll ever need.

In this book, Harville Hendrix introduces the imago model, which he developed as a tool for understand relationship problems.
He details the theory which is mainly based on psychoanalytical theorizing. His approach is quite interesting to read as you will discover the "roots" of some of your marriage problems and will gain greater insight.
But insight alonen won't solve your problems. Therefore, the author presents 16 exercises, which you can do together with your spouse to work on your relationship. These are highly interesting and revealing.
What's really missing in this book is an integration of modern research findings into the dynamics of relationships. So read this book, but also read the book by J. Gottman: "The 7 principles for making marriage work"

I wish I had gotten this book sooner! I was in a definate power struggle with my ex boyfriend and perhaps things would have turned out diffrently had we invested in the knowledge this book has to offer. First off, let me say this book is a bit Freudian, but at the very least its not medieval in any way.

Essentially (according to the book), when you are born you are bombarded with a bunch of symbolic knowledge that helps you form your sense of self or what you "think" your sense of self is. When you are an infant not much of the world influences you, but as you get older pretty much everything does, one way or another, and we are pulled away... from what you could call... Your highest potential and happy blissful self.

So you go out in the world some what traumatised/molded by the events of your past. Granted these "events" do not have to be perticularly painful, or troubled in some dramatic form. Just simply symbolic... For instance... As a child if your mother encouraged you to view the room across the hall, you may gather that the world is a safe place to explore and you have loved ones looking out for you when you get back. Or if your mother sheltered you or told you to always stay near her, you may learn the world is not a safe place to explore and that the needs of others are more important then your own curiousity.

Simple but effective!

So with our suppresed curiousities and what other unmet needs we had as children... we go looking for someone who embodies the "dominent" traits of our caregivers. To re-enact the trials we had as children to HEAL ourselves.

The problem with this is, as much as we need to heal... a part of us (the old ego) wants these things like a child would want them... very selfishly at times, and demanding. That we begain to see our partners as slaves to our desires. We blame them for not making our world perfect (consiously or unconsiously)... because we forget that they are individuals as well. The power struggle begains...

A lot of our problems, that we think the spouse/significant other is responsible for, are really the problems we are guilty of ourselves. I found this to be the hardest truth yet. But the book doesnt completely blame the reader, but gives revealing insight to why our loved one is acting the way they are based on their past and what unmet needs they have.

Granted this book gets very detailed. Which it should! Its a deep read but very compelling. The author explains things in steps so youre not thrown under the tow of all the psychological concepts. However, not ONLY does the author tell you HOW you got here in the first place, but what YOU and your partner can do about it.

The book never gets boring... I stopped reading it about mid-way becuase I thought, why read any further... My relationship is over, why would I want to go into the parts about how to fix it. I will tell you why, after continuing my reading, I got more then I bargained for, learning more about myself and my ex. Even though I cant perticularly "fix" anything (because he's a bit unwilling to take those steps) I understand WHY and Im at better peace because of it. The healing process can be slow and difficult but I think it is possible especially when you have the knowledge this book contains and the will of you and your partner to do so.

The wonderful thing about Hendrix's book is that it is designed to help you restore your relationship not just understand how it fell apart.

We marry often by chance or peer pressure and live to wonder how "we got into this."

Hendrix shows us how to meet our own legitimate needs and understand how to meet our partners'.

In the end we cannot badger our partner into changing or loving us.

It is us who must change and in doing so we change the conduct of our partner.

We need to understand both, but work on ourselves.

Any one who feels stress in any relationship should read and understand the "imago" and our limbic brains use of it.

As Tina Turner says, "Whats love got to do with it,...its just a second hand emotion"

Well she half right. Visceral love has a lot to do with who we married, but mature love has as much to do with staying married.

Dr Hendrix is terrific.

Read Dr. Phil McGraw's Relationship Rescue. MUCH better.

I know there are many Harville fans out there, but if you've already spent years in therapy, you've "gotten over" your rotten childhood. Harville's books promote victimization and entitlement.

I loved this book. Two books by Mark Waldman include Hendrix's work and are also great: THE ART OF STAYING TOGETHER, and LOVE GAMES (I got to see a prepublication proof - it won't be in the bookstores till January 2000).

If you're committed to taking the time each day to do the exercises in this book, you can make significant improvements in your marriage or relationship. My spouse and I found it to be a useful adjunct to therapy, and we are closer now than ever before, and we understand each other much better. Sometimes the exercises seem a little hokey, but if you trust the authors that they do have a reason behind what they're asking of you, you'll find that the little doses of daily insight, plus just spending time together each day, can work wonders! As a clinical psychologist, I was impressed both personally and professionally. It's good for any type of committed couple, straight or gay, too, which is nice.

Harville Hendrix's book, Getting the Love you Want was fantastic--likely the best book on relationships ever. However this book on child rearing is awful. Let me explain why.... The book is loaded with psycho babble and politically correct themes that mean nothing. If you read chapter 1 and Chapter 2 and then ask yourself, what did I learn? You will have to say, uh.. nothing. Chapter 3 is where it should start getting interesting, and although the topic "unconscious parenting" is a good one, there is too darn much fluff.

Getting the Love You Want was short and to the point. I think this book, Giving the Love that Heals, could have been 1/3 the length of what it is. We are a busy people, and shouldn't have to put up with writing that says nothing. This drives me crazy!

I am sure there is something worthwhile in the book, but believe me, you have to skim it quickly to get to those points.

I was somewhat disappointed, having read Hendrix's other books. This book is set up very much like Simple Abundance, and each day has its "words to live by". For example, there is no path to follow if you know your child is suffering from the psycholigical disorder that is commonly known as adolescence. Not bad, but not chock full of valuable exercises like his previous works.

Nicole Flowers

I recommend this book to every parent who mentions struggling with their child(ren). It goes beyond being just a parenting-technique book to helping the parent identify their own issues stemming from childhood. Through that process, the parent learns where his/her weaknesses or blocks are, so that they have the clarity to discern what is actually occurring with the child, rather than being clouded by his/her perceptions. From there, the parent can use the techniques taught in the book to help the child move successfully through the developmental phase that is causing frustration.

My favorite parts of the book are the detailed explanations of the chronological stages of a child's life; the explanation and examples of symbiotic parenting; and the explanation of how we learn to parent how are parents parented us, which is how they were parented, ad infinitum, with the assurance that we can break the cycle of mistakes.

This is a book for parents who are committed to helping their children navigate through life, even though it requires some self-discovery. It is not a book for a parent who wants a quick solution, because this requires commitment. For me, the healing that resulted in myself, my child and our relationship went far beyond what I was asking for, making the commitment a bargain at any price.

"Primal Love" is thoughtful and thought-provoking. It attempts to explain our gender-based differences through the sciences of evolutionary biology and primate behavior. You can learn alot form those crazy bonobos. While this book did not engender quite the "aha moment" that Harville Hendrix's work did, it did give me quite a few insights into my rather conflicting attitudes about money. I found it to be just a tad skewed toward the male perspective. It would be interesting to read something on the same material written by a woman. I would recommend this book to anyone wishing to gain more insight into gender-based behavior.

Primal Love provides readers a wonderfully informative profile of our human sexuality (as males and females) by focusing not on theory that is based upon psychological "mombo-jumbo" but on the bio-anthropological roots that drive our sexual: desires, behavior and social interaction. For those people trying to evaluate and determine the reasons for their social sexual behavior, this book will give you the "peace of mind" knowing that our (especially male) desires and behavior stem from evolution, and nature's pre-programmed model of perpetuating our genes as a species. Simply knowing the roots driving our human sexuality allows us to better understand and our sexual behavior.

Explains the relationships between the sexes in the context of Evolutionary Psychology. I have recommended this book to several of my female friends who want to better understand why men are they way they are. This book provided me with some great insights and comfort at a time I was going through a painful breakup. Much more interesting, believable and useful than "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus.