Every chapter in this book related to me as a person. The things that I was doing unconciously that was destroying my marriage. If you want to save your marriage or ensure a prosperous future with another person this book is a must read. I only wish I have found this book and Willard Harley's other book "His Needs, Her Needs" 8 years ago when I first got married. Now my marriage is in a downward spiral and all looks hopeless. I have two young children and I love my wife dearly. She refuses to read these two books and I can't force her too. To anyone facing the crisis of losing a spouse, PLEASE read Love Busters. Make yourself a better person. It might be too late for me in my present relationship, but there is no doubt of the benefits this book affords any future relationship I might enter into in the future. I'm just sorry I didn't know about this book sooner. Good Luck.

I purchased this book without knowing anything about Mr. Harley's other successful book and was extremely pleased. I have been married for 12 years and have a good marriage but have often wondered if other married couples have some of the same trials we do. This book confirmed it and brought out some great aspects of marriage that really do "bust" the love sometimes. Mr. Harley has step-by-step directions for dealing with those habits that we all have, the times we let our temper get the best of us and many other lovebusters that drain our love tanks. The book is easy reading and honest. Not preachy or too psychological. I'm now getting "His Needs, Her Needs" to see what I can learn from it. I would definitely recommend this book for newlyweds as well as wedded-awhiles.

I cannot say enough about this book, for years I have listened to people talk about how to have a happy marriage. But Mr. Harley is the only one who has been able to make practical honest sense out of the whole deal. Never have I ever heard anybody been able to explain things as Mr Harley has. IF you want to improve your marriage or at least make sense of what is going on. Or at least be able to explain how it is you have such a great marriage. You have to read this book and the rest of Mr. Harleys books. No preacher, no Sunday school teacher, no counselor has ever made it so plain. If you decide to use the information & principles Mr Harley shares with you in your marriage, I guareenty you will not be sorry!

This is the one. Of all the books I've read, this one was so simple -- not simplistic, but simple. It makes total sense. Mr. Harley lays out a method that basically guarantees successful relationships. Being happy with every decision is built into the plan. Happiness is the bottom line. After being a "renter" for a very long time, I am now a "buyer." And the arguments with my spouse have now turned into discussions where we negotiate how BOTH of us will be happy, not grudgingly compliant, but really happy, with each outcome. Buy it & pass it on. This one should be on Oprah.

the title of this book caught my attention. reading it has helped me understand my relationships in the past better and i think it'll help me avoid the cycles that haven't proven wise. the examples of what happens when people with different values/beliefs about caring for one another was particularly beneficial. if you're trying to understand your relationship better and make sense of the other persons behavior this is a good read. it might not be what you want to hear (you might be involved with a freeloader) but at least you know the real deal.

This book contains worksheets that go along with two other books, "Love Busters" & "His Needs, Her Needs." These worksheets help you and your spouse identify for each other the things that kill your love and the things that help your love to grow. They help make you an expert in what will make your spouse fall in love and stay in love with you. The worksheets also help you identify and avoid the things you may unknowingly be doing to ruin and destroy your spouses love for you. There's also a neat worksheet on recreational companionship that helps you and your spouse decide on activities that you would enjoy doing together. This book is highly practical because it is an immediately effective way to figure out what's wrong in your marriage and it gives you solutions to those problems.

Watch out marriage counselors! Your careers are in jeopardy.

Willard F. Harley, Jr. gives readers the keys to saving their marriages in this book. He takes couples through explanations about how we fall in love, (The Love Bank), why we fall out of love, methods for negotiation, how to protect each other, and how couples in damaged relationships can, once again, learn to care and nurture each other.

A sincerely committed couple can literally save thousands of dollars in marriage counseling with the instruction from this book. Complete with worksheets in the back, invaluable tools are there for the taking. Add Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, and you've got the beginnings of a new relationship.

I have used this resource as a pastoral counselor. The Four Gifts of Love are practical and beneficial to all couples, not just those preparing for marriage. The book is also an attractive one for gift giving!

Read this book and it will give you some building blocks that you can't acquire anywhere else except from someone who has seen a lot of hurting people in his office for counseling.

I found this book a year after discovering my husband had an affair. We were well on our way to healing at that time, but I wish I had had this book to help me through the first year. The affair was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me. And the only area of the book I question is the presumed guilt of the innocent spouse. At the time of his affair (and before), I was working extremely hard at the marriage and if anyone had an excuse to have an affair (based on needs) it would have been me!! Regardless though, this book has been a great stimulous to help me HELP HIM see the pitfalls that caused the problems in our marriage and how we can work at avoiding them in the future. I recommend this book to anyone facing the same situation or who has a friend in that situation.

My wife and I survived an affair - I was the 'victim' but in a way there can be no victims in an affair. Both of you must be aware of each others needs and become professionals at meeting them better than anyone else can. I know what it is like to feel betrayed - I survived it and my marriage is fortified for having had the experience. I have read the negative reviews here on this book, and I must tell you that I understand their frustration and they are due their pain and anger, but not at this book, it's authors or the power it has to bring your life back to a place where you can live it with your spouse. I never thought I'd find an ordinary world again, but with counseling, understanding, knowledge and the teachings of Dr. Harley (see his other books too!) I did, my wife did, and we hold each other closer than we ever have before. I'm sorry there is a reason for you to look into this book, but have hope - you will feel better when you learn what it teaches you about your spouse's needs and how a marriage must function to maintain those needs. The book also will NOT make the cheating spouse feel like a criminal, and posts many insights from their point of view. This is something those of us cheated ON will perhaps not have much sympathy for but there is A LOT for us to learn from it. The affair is a drug in the cheater's blood - they are prisoners in a cycle that people have fallen victim to since marriage began. They will eventually see the light, but they must do this with their own eyes. By following Harley's advice you can create the best environment for this.

Surviving an Affair is the description of a trip from how a seemingly 'OK' marriage can deteriorate to a full-blown affair, and it provides a detailed roadmap of how to survive the affair and eventually recover, hopefully with the renewal of the marriage. This book encompasses the behavioral approaches that Dr. Harley and Dr. Chalmers have successfully used to save marriages, and applies them directly to the affair. The elements that are covered in some of Dr. Harley's other works ('Give and Take' and 'Love Busters') are included here. This book presents a balanced viewpoint of the betrayer's view as well as the betrayed (and even presents the view of the other man/woman).

If you're in an affair, either as the betrayed spouse or the betrayer; I strongly recommend this book. It explains the atmosphere that leads up to an affair, and it vividly illustrates how an affair SHOULD end. Most affairs don't end this way; instead, they linger on with the spouse having the affair unable to make a decision. All the while, the betrayed spouse and the children suffer tremendously. But there is hope. This book gives a great deal of insight in to the mechanics of the affair, and it describes how the 'betrayed' can hang on through the worse experience of their life to eventually come to a point where reconciliation is possible.

The recovery process outlined in this book is also very detailed. Some of it seems 'silly' or trivial at times, but it is important and it really can work (I'm in a marriage that is proof of that).

An affair is Hell. This is a roadmap to get back from Hell.

This book is no piece of fine literature, but it has something important to say about your marriage so you'd be wise to listen. This book percieves something that we often miss, that intimacy builds relationships and this is the environment in which affairs start. The author describes what he calls the "love bank" in the first chapters, which is a record of rights and wrongs that another has done in relation to us. Then he details needs that if fulfilled, gain points in the love bank, and if left unfulfilled, subtracts from the love bank. This is constructive wisdom that one wise enough to listen to will learn great relationship building lessons. I disagree with the author in the matter of his flippancy about mothers in the work force (I think that it's a bad idea), but the only reason that I didn't give the book five stars is writing style.

My wife and I have been married for 30 years. While I may not agree with all of Harley's statements and his generalizations are a little too general, I found the book extremely valuable. It gave me insights in to myself and in to my wife that I would never have had otherwise. It also gave us information that evoked discussion that in itself was worth more than the price of the book.

As with other reviewers, I was a little annoyed that so much time was spent on "Affair proofing your marriage". But that was the purpose of the book - hence the subtitle. It is not Harley's fault that I am reading it to improve my marriage rather than affair proof it.

I notice one reviewer complained that it advocated an old fashioned marriage instead of a modern marriage. To some degree that reviewer was correct; however, whether you blame society or genetics, there are certain truths in western marriage and Harley does an excellent job of identifying them.

I have bought ~30 copies of the book over the last 10 years or so to give as wedding gifts and am now buying another to give to my son. I have received more in-depth thank-yous for this book than any other gift I have ever given.

This book is full of practical "no spin" information about what maintains positive loving relationships. I wish I had read it before I married over 30 years ago. The author lists important general needs of men and women and goes on to explain that many marriages get into trouble because couples do not realize that the needs of women can be quite different then the needs of men.

Harley provides an organized logical approach to identifing the individual needs of each partner and then suggests that each partner make it a high priority to satisfy the other partners 5 most important needs. He points out that in his experience genders tend to have similar needs but there may be important differences therefore he published a workbook to assist couples to identify their specific needs.

The author brings up issues that many people might not want to face. For instance he says that his experience suggests that most men have a need for an attactive spouse. He goes on to say that it is important for a women to maintain a healthy weight, and to dress attractively. He also says that most women have a need for a spouse that can pay for the basic needs of the family. Accordingly he suggests that a man should step up to the plate and fill the basic financial needs (food, shelter, clothing) of the family.

This book suggests if you are: overweight, lazy, critical, unaffectionate, not willing to talk things out, not willing to spend time together on recreational activities and if any or all of these things create a problem in your marriage then you need to change.

A word of caution
If you are having maritial problems and you believe your spouse should take you the way you are, you will probably not like this book. I suspect this is why a number of reviewers gave it low scores.

My husband and I were having problems in our marriage, and we read this book and "His Needs, Her Needs" for a Sunday school class. By the end of the book we felt almost hopeless. The book had received such good reviews, and our marriage was in deeper trouble than before we read the books.

We took the quizes and found out what we needed, but the advice he gives is very stereotypical -- women usually need this and men usually need that. We didn't fit into the mold. (My husband works at home and takes care of our children. I am a very ambitious and successful businesswoman.) Our needs seemed so different from each other and so different from what Dr. Harley seemed to think they should be, it seemed that our marriage was in worse shape than we had thought.

We eventually resolved to put aside everything we had "learned" about ourselves and each other and try other books instead. We've been reading some books by the Raineys and the Smalleys, and my husband and I are now growing closer together instead of farther apart.

While this book may help some marriages, please don't think that it contains all the answers for everyone. You might be in for a rude awakening.

Although I had read His Needs, Her Needs, this book absolutely blew me away. Harley's insight and concepts are absolutely incredible. On the verge of separation, this book literally saved my life as I know it and my marriage.

Just as His Needs, Her Needs presents the concept of the basic different needs and how to meet them, this book delves into the concept of the two types of love in marriage (romantic and caring), three states of mind in marriage (intimacy, conflict and withdrawal), the giver/taker that lies within each of us, and most importantly, how to handle conflict with intelligence and not emotion.

Bottom Line: This book is a must read for anyone who is struggling in their marriage or who feels that their love and relationship is irretreivably broken.

The principles, ideas and concepts presented in this book created a new mindset for me. Before reading it, I felt as though I were incapable and unwilling to work for my marriage. It restored my hope in restoring love and gave me all of the tools to do so.

He's done it again. William Harley has a great track record of putting out relationship books that are honest, insightful and useful. This one definitely fits the bill.

For most couples falling in love is the easy part. Staying in love is a completely different matter. Harley dispenses his typical wisdom into the main reasons marriages fail and what you can do to keep the love ever present. No one needs to fall for the lie that love and passion can't be as present 20, 30 or 40 years into a marriage.

Anyone seriously wanting to keep the romance and passion alive (or revived) in their relationship should definitely take a look at this book AND The RoMANtic's Guide - which I believe is the best tips and idea book to come out in my 30 years of marriage counseling. If every couple read and followed these two books, I'd be out of a job. Which would be a good thing.

Dr. Bradley Sears, Spokane Washington