So far every book I have seen by Earl Grollman is wonderful and this one is no exception. Having lost my mother to cancer when I was a teenager and now, as an adult, working with children who have experienced the death of a family member, this book is a great guide. It has everything from explaining death to children to spiritual and cultural differences of death. If you're a parent of a grieving child or a professional helping children, this is a perfect book.

Book: I Highly recommend this book for understanding grieving children. It helped me cope with what I was feeling, and with what I thought our boys might be going through, when my father in law died.

The book is good for parents, teachers, scout leaders and youth workers.

It contains over a dozen essays from religious, and medical specialists who deal with death and grief and children. Many religious and social concerns and perspectives are introduced. It is good for youth leaders because not everyone comes from your particular background and it helps you to understand where they might be coming from. It is written for an average parent or teacher to read. You don't have to be a Pastor or a Psychologist to get enormous value from it. Warning, however, it made me cry. That was part of the process too.

If I can summarize the whole book in one short snippet-

Every child is different, Expect some to be completely quiet and expect others to burst out laughing. Watch for the change. Don't dismiss their feelings, it will take time to listen-- a LOT of time-- it can't be solved in a 15 minute talk, but should be addressed at the child's schedule.

Although the book is published by Beacon Press, which falls under the Unitarian Universalist Church, each of the chapter-essays are written from a different person of a different religious or social perspective. There is a chapter each on the Protestants, Catholics, Jewish, Native American, Inner City, etc. perspectives. Grollman was the editor of all the essays. Each essay is easy enough to read as a stand-alone guide.

October 4, 1999

Book Review - Colleen Sullivan

Living When a Young Friend Commits Suicide: Or Even Starts Talking About It Earl A. Grollman and Max Malikow ISBN: 0-8070-2503-8 Beacon Press

Suicide, especially in children and teens is a subject rarely discussed. Yet since 1980 the suicide rate among children 10 to 14 has nearly doubled, and in older teens is disproportionately high. For every young person who commits suicide, the lives of friends and companions are touched in a way different from that of surviving a natural death.

Living When A Young Friend Commits Suicide addresses the concerns and questions of the young people left behind, sensitively guiding them to understanding and acceptance. From the initial feelings and emotions to the difficult and hard- hitting questions of youth the authors offer sound advice and empathy.

When a friend has committed suicide your feelings are myriad. Shock, grief, sadness, guilt and anger are some of the emotions discussed in this book. Your questions are multiple, most importantly "Why?" and "Was it Really a Suicide?" Did your friend tell you of his suicide plans and swear you to secrecy? Are you carrying a burden of guilt because of it? You need help, understanding and support to face the immediate future and to learn how to cope. You may have heard misconceptions about suicide that you need straight answers for, or you may have religious questions. All of these are addressed in a forthright, easily read and understood manner in this book.

I highly recommend this book for any young person faced with learning to live again after the suicide of a friend. I also recommend it for the parents, counselors and teachers of youth who may be the bereaved young person's first line of defense in recovery.

Addendum: As an adult with Bipolar Affective Disorder suicide has touched my life several times, both in close friends and in my own effort to end my life. It is my observation that loss due to suicide must be dealt with at the time or it may affect a person's life months or even years later. I applaud the authors of this book for removing the secrecy and stigma of suicide and giving it the forthright attention it deserves. Congratulations! An excellent book.

This is a great book for helping teens cope with the loss of a loved one, whether it was a close friend or family member. The book is written with short, easy to read sentences and paragraphs. The chapters are organized in useful topics like 'suicide', 'loss of a friend', 'long term illness' ... so the reader can locate those areas that pertain to their own situation. Having lost my own mother when I was just 16 (20 years ago) I have bought 3 copies of this book already - I give them out to teens who are grieving the loss of a loved one. If you are a teen grieving the loss of a loved one or if you are helping someone in this situation, I highly recommend this book.

This is an excellent tools for dealing with the emotional turmoil that follows the death of a loved one. Each topic is briefly presented, allowing for the shortened attention span of someone who is grieving. Each topic is followed by blank, lined pages for journaling their own thoughts and experiences. The book remains valuable even years after the crisis, as the survivor looks back over the road traveled. Excellent for use privately or in grief counseling groups.

A good resource book to understand what a child can take in the event of death in a family. Recommendable

I did a research paper for college on how children are ignored during the grieving process, particularly when the deceased is their parent. Of all the many books and articles I found during my research, this book became my exclusive favorite. Rabbi Grollman understands how a child's mind works during each stage of development and provides excellent suggestions and advice on how to reach a child at each stage of understanding and awareness. I hadn't considered some of the things he mentioned but found everything to be sound, make sense, and above all, they work as I help my now deceased friend's young children cope with her loss in their lives. This book will also help the adult to understand death better and come to terms with the loss. A win/win for everyone.

The only problem was that I did not read this book before my husband died. I have a 22 year old son, a 5 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. Their father's death was a sudden tradgedy and was difficult for the whole family, especially explaining it to the small children. I only wish I had read this book before I explained it to them. Thank you Earl Grollman for incredible insight.

This book was an absolute God-send for me. Mr. Grollman is brilliant for understanding that wading through a bazillion unnecessary words is impossible when one is in the throws of grief. After the loss of my father, I could hardly function; and the gift of a book was quite intimidating...until I picked it up and started to read. He is definitely a bottom-liner - he quickly gets to the meat of each emotion we experience when grieving. I used the space around his statements for making notes relating to the topic of the page. I honestly don't think I could've healed as thoroughly without this book, and I will be eternally thankful for Mr. Grollman and the friend who brought me this book. I highly recommend it to anyone going through the loss of a beloved, and have given it to many friends in need of a glimmer of light at the end of a very long and very dark tunnel.

My husband Jim died at the age of 50. We had been together since 1972, 27 years, and had grown up together. Jim was a Vietnam veteran and suffered from the effects of Agent Orange that over the years manifested itself in many ways. His tired body finally gave up after many years of suffering. But he fought it with everything he had - and survived many years beyond what the doctors told him he would live. But in the end, he knew it was time to go and he did it with dignity. A friend gave me this book and at first I could not read it, then slowly I would open it and read a little, and then a little more. I can't tell you how many times I have read it now. It is reality, simple and to the point. It is easy to read and it is me, it is scary how much it is me. And now I have a friend who just lost her husband and I am sending it to her so that she can read it and hopefully get the comfort and understanding that only we can know.

I bought this book sight unseen, simply because I think he's a terrific author on death. He speaks the language of the commoner regarding death.

I was shocked to find the entire book is written as a series of poems. Originally it threw me off, but as I read the book I was better able to appreciate the impact of using that format for these words. I originally purchased the book for a close friend who was about to observe the 1st anniversary of her sister's death. I hadn't realized how much her sister's death affected me until I read this book and couldn't give it to my friend. I had to buy another copy just for her.

The poems said exactly what I had been feeling through all my grieving stages but hadn't found words to express them. It was a godsend.