I read Geller's book with interest and found many of her ideas significant, accurate, and downright common-sensical.

Her central argument is that American society has become wedding-obessessed without deeply analyzing the problems inherent in the institution of marriage. She insightfully points out that while the wedding industry booms and women of all ages seem to be embracing a kind of Cinderella attitude toward their weddings, never has the divorce rate been higher in the U.S.

This is a message of enormous importance, it seems to me. Unfortunately, however, Geller weakens her own credibility by delivering her ideas in a tone of tremendous personal anger, frustration, and bitterness. This emotionalism detracts from her ability to deliver a clear-headed, reasonably-argued, persuasive point. This is a shame because Geller's ideas do deserve to be heard.

As a recent bride and a strong feminist, I read this book with great - okay, make that obsessive - interest.

For a long time, I've felt uneasy about the growing trend toward ever more lavish "big white weddings," and queasy about the marriage obsession in popular culture and even among some friends and acquaintances. Yet, for reasons that I don't quite understand, I've refrained from thinking very deeply about the subject. No doubt part of the reason is that the cult of marriage and the wedding-industrial complex have such a stranglehold on the culture that there's been an eerie cultural silence around this topic. It's pretty much been deemed off-limits to serious analysis, even in the feminist and left-wing writings I regularly devour.

So along comes Jaclyn Geller's anti-marriage screed, and may I say, wow! I read "Here Comes the Bride" with the pulse-quickening thrill that comes from witnessing the shattering of an all-powerful taboo. With wit and incisive analysis, Geller performs a much-needed cultural intervention by forcing us to come to grips with our society's destructive obsession with brides, weddings, and the whole institution of marriage.

On one level, her critique is aimed at the whole kitschfest known as the modern wedding ceremony. Geller gleefully punctures an array of fat, overstuffed targets, including Martha Stewart-like wedding planners from hell, the tasteless displays of extravagance, the smug and obnoxious character of "personalized" wedding vows, those nauseau-inducing celebrity weddings, and even the sickening gloss of sentimentality that coats the entire enterprise.

But more provocatively, her critique extends beyond the wedding ceremony to marriage itself. Geller persuasively argues that even though we say "it's OK to be single," we certainly don't MEAN it. Just look at the inordinate amount of attention, social status, legal rights and privileges, and (not least important) material goodies we shower on married couples! Not to mention the pity, condescension, and vague disapproval with which we view "singles."

Perhaps Geller's most important contribution is her analysis of women's own enthrallment to "the marriage mystique," and the ways in which this makes them complicitous in their own subjugation. Because, of course, when a woman is preocuppied with being part of couple, she undermines her own autonomy and undervalues all non-marital relationships and activities.

And when she buys into the cult of domesticity that the wedding embodies, all too often she accepts, at least partly, the traditional women's role that accompanies it. This, in turn, weakens not only her own individual power and autonomy, but women's status as a whole. I've long been puzzling over why it is that, after the rapid gains of the 70s, women's progress has been so slow. As Geller demonstrates, the marriage mystique is surely one of the biggest obstacles to women's equality.

Make no mistake, though: I personally am not throwing away my wedding ring, and Geller hasn't completely convinced me that "it's not OK to be married." However, she does make a persuasive and eloquent case that holding up marriage as the apotheosis of female achievement is deeply destructive to the cause of women, and that we as a culture would do well to demystify marriage, and formulate policies, institute alternative models and devise new rituals that genuinely honor individual autonomy, creativity, and empowerment.

This is an important book, but not without its flaws. There are some lapses in tone and intellectual judgment. Geller considers the shallow and pretentious film "American Beauty" with a seriousness it in no way deserves. She values the intellectual life so passionately that she seems entirely lacking in sympathy and, more problematically, in understanding for women (and men) whose values, commitments, and interests differ from her own. Also, her focus is mostly on educated (white) women and upscale weddings, to the extent, I think, that it erases the different meanings that weddings and marriage may have for nonwhite and/or (especially) poor and working class women.

And in the sections on the history of marriage and weddings, there's a problem with her simplistic assumption that the historical conditions of women's lives can be deduced by reading the lawbooks or the works of contemporary (male) moralists and sages. It's not that those texts aren't important, it's that they're not the whole picture, and Geller's approach shortchanges women's agency and resistance. It's like assuming you could get a reliable picture of the lives of 21st century American women by reading "The Rules" or the collected works of Pat Robertson.

Overall, this book is so strong that these lapses do not detract greatly from it. More problematic is the shoddy editing. Though Geller's prose is clear and at times wickedly entertaining, she has some problems with organization. Her arguments are repetitive, her paragraphs drag on for too long, and her chapters ramble. A good editor would have helped her to avoid this.

Also, there are minor factual errors (e.g., The Exciters' "Tell Him" was a hit not in the 50s but in 1962), grammatical mistakes ("disinterested" DOES NOT mean "uninterested" - look it up!), and quite a few typos and misspellings. All of which is a shame, because this compelling book is a vitally important contribution to feminist scholarship and the feminist movement.

Oh, yeah.

I love my husband, my best friend, the man I want to share my life with.

While this is very true and remains true even after I finished Geller's stirring and gripping analysis of weddings and marriage and why women want them, I can't help but look inward and reflect on my motivations, beliefs, and seemingly blind acceptance of this time-honored social convention.

Here I am -- a college-educated, smart, hip, forward-thinking feminist living in the big city, who prides herself on leading an examined life. Yet Geller's book struck a chord within me, prompting me to look carefully at myself and society's promotion of marriage as the ultimate ideal and quest of adulthood. Why? Geller articulates and supports the reasons with the sophistication and finesse of a seasoned scholar. Her arguments are sound and persuasive. See for yourself.

I found myself reading the book and saying to myself, "Well, whew, I'm glad I'm not like 'that.'" Or, "well, even though I am married, I didn't have a big wedding or a shower...." Blah, blah, blah. All nonsense on my part. What it comes down to is the fact that I did get married and in so doing, support an institution that has a legacy of subjugating women. Am I proud of this. Of course not. I like to think that I am doing my small part to change the "institution." Do I say this to appease my battered conscience or can I really enact the change I'm looking for? The jury's still out on that one.

The most fascinating and thought-provoking aspect of Geller's study, I believe, is not so much her desecration of the modern wedding but her historical characterization (and contextualization) of marriage as a life-long institution, officially sanctioned by the government. After all, the party is over in five short hours; the marriage may last much, much longer. I wished Geller had focused more of her talents on the latter and less on the frivolous steps leading to the walk down the aisle.

Nevertheless, Geller's account is mind-altering. Read it. Let her ideas transform your thinking. Share your thoughts with your girlfriends. Be the change you want to see in the world. I plan to do this and love my husband. I hope that's OK.

Thanks, Jaclyn!