Firstly, I agree completely with the review of December 17, 1998 by a reader from San Francisco, CA. I bought this book at the time of that review and read from one paragraph to one page per day for two years in moments of relaxation. It sat on my shelf next to the Tao Te Ching whose chapters I read multiple times in random order interspersed among the Rambo... snippets. I found an amazing resonance between these two works. Fellman writes with exquisitely precise language and very high density of information and concept but not at all dense in the impenetrable sense. In fact nearly every paragraph has in it a lesson, an opportunity for personal recognition (of self to use his term). Some lines bear re-reading both because the grammatical construction, albeit entirely correct, requires a lazy reader to reboot and try again, and because the ideas contained absorb more easily on repetition. This is a text worthy of any graduate course, certainly in sociology, but also in psychology and political science. As Archimedes needed a place to stand to lift the earth with his lever, we need a place to stand clearly to see ourselves and others from the inside out. Without demanding adherence to a particular dogma, faith, or politics, this book provides that place.

This is a wise and useful book -- full of stories, anecdotes and movie reviews -- about why we compete and how me might learn to cooperate more effectively. In simple language (without jargon), Fellman explores the roots of our tendancy to oppose one another, to define relationships in terms of winning or losing, conquoring or submitting. Western culture is so dominated by conflict, Fellman argues, that we compete compulsively; in business, in our personal lives, in politics and international relations, we've convinced ourselves that success must be purchased at someone else's expense. Such adversarial thinking, according to Fellman, fuels the war machines and threatens us all. Therefore we need to explore some different way of conceiving relations; we need a model of "mutuality." Mutuality, in Felmman's schema, describes a shift in both language and perception: from demonizing those with whom we disagree (thus turning them into enemies) to expressing empathy and understanding, from glorifying triumph and scorning failure to recognizing and forgiving vulnerability and frailty. Such a vision may seem utopian, but Fellman's long list of examples suggests otherwise. Within our predominantly adversarial culture, Fellman finds what he calls the "seeds of mutuality" almost everywhere: in religion, education, politics, sports, movies, even in law enforcement. And this is the most heartening (and entertaining) part of his book. Although mainly a work of sociology that explores our culture in depth, Rambo and the Dalai Lama is also a kind of self-help book -- a psychological pep-talk that suggests people can overcome anger, contempt and jealousy, and learn to accept the estranged parts of themselves. This is an important book and a timely commentary on our age.