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What I read has given me new hope and the strength and wisdom to hang on and ride this bump out. The book is filled with wonderful ideas on how to improve communications and how to help recognize the differences in the needs each partner has in the relationship. My favorite section of the book is "We Promise You Trouble". The section reminds us that there will always be trouble in life, the marriage doesn't cause the trouble, trouble just happens.
The Erdahl's originally wrote this book as a letter to their nephew on the eve of his wedding, a gift they hoped would be meaningful and helpful. They found that many others enjoyed and found this letter useful, so it was published as a book.
I would reccommend this book as a gift for engaged couples as well as to any couple at any stage in marriage!
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Erdahl begins the book with a general discussion of the sancity of human life before proceeding to specific issues. As a Lutheran his beliefs are based in Christianity and the general belief that humanity is created in God's image. He is opposed to taking human life, but he is not absolutely opposed under all circumstances. Absolute pacifists may find an ally, but Erdahl's approach is not deontological. Exceptions are acknowledged, but Erdahl cautions that we must be careful to never let the exceptions become the rule. The rest of book is a treatment of specific issues such as abortion, war, euthanasia, and capital punishment. These chapters are dated because they were current to the mid 1980s when the book was published.
Pro-life/Pro-peace is by no means a conclusive statement on the sanctity of life and the applications of this principle. It can serve as an interesting starting point for attempting to bridge issues that are not usually championed by the same people in the same place.
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Their discussion on homosexuality is a good case-in-point. They had held the traditional church view until they met with many GLBT people who spoke openly about their sexuality. Based on this testimony the authors were convinced their previous conservative point of view was incorrect and over time started advocating for their church to change its stance.
This methodology would be akin to the following:
Over the course of my life I have met many alcoholics who claim
*their drinking has not hurt anyone
*everyone else is making a bigger deal about this then they should.
*their lifestyle is not the problem, rather it is all those AA people who are making their life terrible by convincing everyone that alcoholism is bad
*if judgemental people would just back off everyone could live happier lives
If I were to take this information from these first-hand, passionate sources and write a statement to the Lutheran church advocating for tolerance for alcoholics, I would be writing in the spirit of Chilstrom and Erdahl. My book would be very popular among people who are looking for an excuse to drink more and have theyir decadent desires ordained by the church. It would be very tolerant--as long as people overlook those who are hurt by it.
Chilstrom and Erdahl have overlooked many things in order to get their conclusions in this book. They have overlooked the true joy that comes from not following every sexual urge. They have overlooked harmful side affects (both physical and psychological) of some of the practices they are condoning. They have also overlooked what affect these practices have on the community around those who live them out. Finally, they have overlooked the biblical witness which claims that we are sinful beings and therefore our carnal desires _may_ not always be holy or healthy.
The ELCA's constitution holds that the Scriptures are superior to human opinion and reason. Obviously this principle is not upheld by Erdahl and Chilstrom.
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