This is a wonderful book, written for both men and women to read. It succinctly puts into words ideas that many women continue to struggle with about their identity. It also points out that many men haven't a clue of the fundamental psyche of women.

I believe that in reading this book, many readers will truly realize how powerful women can be, and how much better our relationships with men will be, because this book explodes dependency myths.

My favorite passages in this book are:

"Women help perpetuate the myth of the strong man, for if there is a strong man a woman can imagine that she is safe, that she is being cared for and looked after."

"Because women unconsciously do not expect satisfactory emotional nurturance and understanding from their partners, men's inadequacy in giving this nurturance is to some extent accepted and even anticipate by women."

"When women do express their needs, it often comes out as a criticism. When a woman experiences disappointments as a result of the emotional attention and care she so desperately wants, there is a buildup of emotional upset, because while she may expect that she won't get it, she still feels such great need. The woman may declare that she doesn't feel happy in the relationship, that he doesn't give enough emotionally, and so on. He wants her to be more specific, because he doesn't know what she's talking about. He responds to the criticism with anger, which frightens her. She finds it hard to be more specific. She wonders why he doesn't know what she means."

"The psychological fit is that the woman feels her needs are too great, and so the defenses that the man has constructed against his own feelings of inadequacy in the arena of emotional nurturance, seem necessary because of what appears to be the woman's insatiability."

"Men look to sex as a way to affirm their identity as well as a means to contact. Women often trade sex as though it were a commodity in their search for security, warmth, affection, love, and economic protection."

"She told him he didn't need to have answers or interpretations, but that she would appreciate a hug and some questions. She'd like him to try and get into her shoes just for a minute to see what she was feeling and then step out of them and relate to her with tenderness and understanding."

When you, male or female, really pay close attention to each of the above quotes, and think about your experiences, you are free to get what you are really looking for in your relationship.

This is, by far, the best, most informative book I've read in a very long time. Intelligently and clearly written, WHAT DO WOMEN WANT exposes the way society shapes our roles as women and men. It's categorized as a "women's studies" book, but it could just as easily be in the psychology/self-help section (if Berkeley Books ever reads this--please put it in psychology!). Here, at last, is a book which is able to EXPLAIN why men and women have intimacy problems, sexual hang-ups, control issues, dependency problems. While the focus would seem to be on women and the source of their dependency issues, the book also explores the matter from the man's point of view in a way that is both respectful and enlightening. This isn't a male-bashing book; rather, it is a thorough look at the history and societal forces which shape us as men and women--and which create the misunderstandings and relationship problems that ultimately lead couples to divorce courts or marriage counselers. Throughout the book, we're given examples of couples whom the authors had counseled. We get, firsthand, an entire range of intimacy problems from the points of view of real men and women. Their stories are then illuminated by the authors in terms of gender roles and expectations. What I particularly like is the last section, "New Directions," which offers concrete ways that men and women can begin to face our vulnerabilities and foster the intimacy and connections that we so crave. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in understanding how the dynamics of gender roles play out in their own relationships. Do you want to feel more connected to others? Do you want to learn how to communicate more with your mate? Do you want to know how your own upbringing (the dysfunction in it) affects your approach to yourself, your body, men, sex, relationships, etc.? Then this book is for you. I'm amazed that this book hasn't done better than the Harriet Lerner books (Dance of Deception, etc.), because it's so much more well organized, useful, well written, informative. I'd encourage the authors to get this book over into the psychology section of the book stores! It deserves more notice.