I always think that for those who were born in this country (USA) do not have any problems to "fit in" at schools or at work or at any communities. They were "American-born." Racial problems or discrimination issues should only be occurred to those who emigrated from other countries. Apparently it is not always the case. As the second generation and has an interracial-marriage, Ms Chow experienced unavoidable conflicts between her two cultures. In this well-written book, she not only told her own story, but also unveiled many other Asian-Americans women's stories. I enjoyed it!

This is an imaginative, well-written, and important book. Claire Chow has explored a range of issues concerned with conflicts between Asian and American culture and social expectations. Topics included are gender relations and the tension between Asian-American expectations and those of the immigrant generation; mothers and daughters; fathers and daughters; choosing a partner; marriage and divorce; raising children; employment; ethnicity and identity; and a sense of belonging among other subjects. The writing is lucid, her family therapist training and experience applied in informative and insightful ways. Her own experience and her interviews are carefully integrated for maximum impact on her narrative presentation and her analysis. This book will be valuable in the classroom and for those Asian-American women and men who want a better perspective on how their experience is consistent with and differs from that of other immigrants, as well as from 1.5, second, and later generation Asian-Americans. I will use it in my class on the Asian American Experience and others will find it informative and suggestive.

This is not the type of book that I would normally pick up, but I got it for one simple reason: my girlfriend asked me to read it.

First though, I would like to talk about the positive things in the book, because I believe there is a lot of positive stuff here. It's just unfortunate you have to sift through dozens of pages of chaff to find a paragraph or even a sentence of wheat. (I might add that my girlfriend felt the same way too about most of the book...and she's Asian.)

The most valuable chapters I read are the ones on relationships to mothers, relationships to fathers, and the one about choosing a mate. Even those I must herald with caution though. Since I am not Asian, I wanted to read this, because she said it might help explain some of the dynamics of her family as well as letting me know why they aren't too keen on me. I couldn't agree more, I was amazed at how many parallels there were between certain situations in this book and the life of my girlfriend (once again, this pertains to the three chapters mentioned above.) If nothing else I'm glad I read those, because I have a greater understanding of what we are up against to get parental approval of our relationship.

Now for the bad stuff and the awful stuff: This book is full of both subtle and overt racism...some of it expressed reluctantly, some of it stated as cold hard fact. For instance, in the chapters about parental expectations in academic achievement (and other such similar issues) there was a constant theme insinuating that most other races don't have the burden of parental pressure to succeed in school. I can assure you from my experience, as well as that of my peers, that this is false. Not only was the grade of "B" not accepted, "A-" grades opened you to questioning about "why were your grades so close to a 'B?'" I assure you all that this is not isolated to just me. I come from a community were academics are EXTREMELY important and failure to do well in them reflects poorly on all. That was one of the more subtle instances of racism in the book...the assumption that whites (and others) don't expect their children to excel.

The worst that I came across was when marriages were being discussed. Many people's only objection to interracial marriages were that they didn't like whites, blacks, latinos, etc. No other reason. Some people were defiant in their stance against racism, some didn't defend their parents' views but shrugged it off because it was their parents, others acquiesced, and others adamentally (yet in a subtle manner...what a paradox) agreed to both the moral and intellectual inherent superiority of Asian people. No one stated it so boldly, but it is not hard to read between the lines. If such things were written by white people they would be branded as heretics of "American multicultural ideology." Racism is racism no matter what color mouth it comes out of or what color mind it is formed in. (I would once again like to reiterate that my Asian girlfriend found this to be true too. She was quite upset members of her community could speak such things so freely.)

I certainly don't negate any of the racism some of these people experienced (or still do experience for that matter.) Racism is an ugly scar on society's face. I just can't justify some of these things. I don't know what it is like to be an Asian woman (as a matter of fact I don't know what its like to be Asian or a woman) but I do know racism when I see it.

I don't mean to chastise the whole book because there are some great things in it. Its just unfortunate that it is also full of rubbish.

As bizarre as this might seem, I still recommend parts of this book. My suggestion is to proceed with caution and to filter the junk so you are left with the pearls that are here.

I found this book to be quite interesting, and as an asian American I found some comfort, as a person of mixed race I still feeel there is no book yet, but this is a start I do one thing to say in regards to ragamala78 someone who reviewed this book, For someone who's not of Asian descent I am not sure on her point of critiquing this book??? Perhaps her friend should have reviewed it here and not her.

As a Chinese-American woman, the themes in this book resonated deeply with me. In fact, it articulated many thoughts that have been fomenting in my mind for quite sometime but that I could never articularte as clearly (and I consider myself quite articulate on these issues!). Although none of the sketches are exactly my experience; there were bit of almost everyone of of them that I could relate to. Furthermore the collage of voices made me feel that there is a group of Asian American women out there with whom I share a kindren spirit -- it is rare that a book resonates with me at such a level.

Others who have not had these experiences may not understand what comes across as "overt racism" in this book (e.g., parental objections to interracial marriage). However, the xenophobism of the older generation is the reality that many Asian Americans face, and the book does a great job of "telling it like it is" rather than trying to gloss over these issues is a more politically correct fashion.