Have you ever wanted to forgive but not been able to release? Have you ever not been forgiven? This book really guides you through the Christian steps and the frail human realities of wounded feelings and how to repair the damage. Most powerful are the examples when it's not right to forgive and why...

Caring Enough to Forgive/Caring Enough to Not Forgive. Here is an awesome, AWESOME Christian based, and very biblically sound book that EVERY Christian should read. It pointedly defines the differences between genuine and false forgiveness, and demonstrates how to forgive effectively, without causing or denying further hurt or resentment, and without "cooling" the relationship. A MUST PURCHASE FOR ANY CHIRSTIAN SEEKING TO HAVE POSITIVE, PEACEFUL, HEALTHY, FLOWING RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS.

Augsberger writes of the many different ways that cultures interact with each other, and how cultures approach conflict. There are many ways to approach conflict: different approaches to gender conflict, different beliefs on the nature of shame and "saving face", different ideas on what is effective resolution- and all are equally valid, with both good and evil in the different cultures, and the different methods.

On one level Augsberger is highly readable. He begins each chapter with numerous stories and fables from different cultures on the various conflicts- myths which are highly illuminating, teaching about cultures and about the nature of conflict, as only parables can. Interspersed in each chapter are many other stories and sharings from real life.

However, Augsberger may be one of the most intelligent authors I have ever read. He brings in *so* much, from so many different disciplines, that one feels swamped with information, all integrated in web-like structure, much as most of us feel on reading Finnegan's Wake. It's incredibly well-written, with multi-layers to a Biblical degree, but Augsberger's a lot smarter than I am (and I don't say that often), and this book is *thick*. You'll enjoy it, but read it slowly, and gain the depths and the heights of the change he has to offer.

I'd highly recommend Augsberger's Pastoral Counseling Across Cultures, which explores many of these same themes. And B.J. Prashantham's Indian Case Studies in Therapeutic Counseling as well. B.J. uses his own experiences as an Indian therapist, relating to those within his culture or other cultures in India, providing a very emic perspective on these questions of the nature of conflict and resolution.

A phenomenally well written book. Once again, I feel swamped with information, not because of poor writing style, but because there is just so much here, with so many connections, and so intelligently written. On the level of Finnegan's Wake or the Bible in the myriad of connections.

Augsburger looks at how counseling can and should be done cross-culturally, respecting the person's culture, and yet helping them through the issues that are important to them. He describes pastoral counseling emically at one point, as something where the counselor describes up-front what he or she is about, and where their interests lie. This is an overtly Christian book, with an overtly Christian intent- but also something that non-Christians could learn a lot from.

The book then goes through many interesting turns, looking at different aspects of culture. Such as, how do you counsel a culture that is shame-based, or anxiety-based, as opposed to guilt-based (Asian, African, and American cultures respectively). Shame and anxiety are not bad, but different, and he talks in a very interesting twist about how Americans have a very undeveloped sense of shame. He looks at the interplay of the individual vs. the group- how some cultures see themselves as groups completely. How is effective counseling done to them?

I particularly salute Augsburger on two points. He pulls no punches when it comes to women, describing how they are oppressed in different ways in nearly every society, forming a culture often separate, and in nearly every society, needing empowerment and enfranchisement.

And Augsburger takes a whole chapter to look at the nature of the demonic and the supernatural, fully accepting their presence, and yet not advocating that there is a "demon under every doily". He speaks of Heibert's "excluded middle", wherein the West has a high view of God, and a morality for everyday life, but no longer believes in the interplay between the two, the supernatural. The 2/3rds world is very aware of this excluded middle, and deals with it daily. So therefore also does Augsburger. He carefully points out that not everything is demonic- indeed, most is psychological. But there are also places, and times, when one runs into and needs to deal with the demonic, and to be prepared for it. To do otherwise would be to not fully appreciate and accept the culture on it's own terms, but rather to try to impose Western etic beliefs on the other culture. Which is only further imperialism, and indeed, in the end, racism.

As someone who grew up in another culture, a kinship society, I often feel that therapy does not meet my needs. Likewise, Western therapy would say that there needs to be a healthy amount of privacy between people, when we were very public. And it seeks to empower me as an individual, when I am not, but the embodiment of a group. And it seeks to destroy my sense of shame, which is actually a healthy part of my people. I could use a therapist whose read this book. And at the same time, as I prepare to live in North Africa, this book provides much helpful advice on how to reach out therapeutically to those who are different, within 2/3rds world cultures, revealing to them their own selves, and what they desire or need to know.

I'd highly recommend Augsberger's Conflict Mediation Across Cultures, which explores many of these same themes. And B.J. Prashantham's Indian Case Studies in Therapeutic Counseling as well. B.J. uses his own experiences as an Indian therapist, relating to those within his culture or other cultures in India, providing a very emic perspective on these questions of the nature of conflict and resolution.

Confronting can be difficult and awkward. Augsburger uses practical tips to understand how confronting can be the most caring approach. Also offers details on how to communicate more effectively -- and expect others to do so with us.

quoted from the 1st chapter to give you an idea what this book is about ~I Love You. If I love you I must tell you the truth. I want your love. I want your truth. Love me enough to tell me the truth.

This book really helps those of us at times that have had to confront and have felt guilty for doing so.

Caring and confronting together provide the balance of Love and Power which lead to effective human relationships.

Like anything else there is a time for caring and a time for confronting. Each in it's own time. Care when caring is called for and confront when confrontation is required.

Excellent Book for help in knowing how and when to care-front :)

Execllent book! Growing up, I was under the impression that confrontation was a negative thing - that if I confronted a person about an issue then that meant I was a bad person for having poor or hurt feelings. After I read "Caring Enough to Confront" I understood that confrontation could acutally be a positive response to negative behavior. I highly reccommend this book for anyone suffering from the confrontation jitters.